Chapter 5

CIANA

“No. You can’t!” Everyone in the library looks at me. “Sorry.” 

I grab his hand pulling him outside. I can feel how people stare at us. Jealousy and anger has filled the library’s atmosphere. I immediately let go of him before he thinks I am such a crazy stranger who approaches him, grabs him like this as if we already had an exchange of names and are acquainted. We are outside now and I don’t want to be slaughtered or murdered at this young age.

“You can’t go.” His eyebrows narrowed when I continued talking. “Because I am not going,” A lie escapes my mouth without even thinking if he is going with me or someone else. I’m so stupid.

“You are so confusing. I won’t then. You didn’t invite me,” he says and walks past me.

I stared at his back. My breathing went back to normal. I send Jetroe a message so he will know that I am going home.

“Tomorrow night!” he reminds me before driving his car away.

“I can’t go!” Too late. He can no longer hear me. I feel guilty about lying so I better not go to the party. Now, I’ll have to text him again about the change in my head.

The next morning, my best friend is in the front of my door when I open it. I just woke up and I messed up. My face still looks horrible but I don’t care. He doesn’t mind it anyways. He walks inside following me and closes the door.

“Are you serious about your text?” I give him a boring face and nods like I really don’t wanna go even if I feel the opposite.

“Why? My party will never be complete without you.” My eyes rolled. I take my shirt off and throw it on the bed.

“Woah!” He turns his back very fast. “I am your best friend, Ciana, but I am also a man.” He is freaking out. “Why aren’t you going tonight?” he asks,  a bit calm. I continue undressing.

I went to the shower. “I just can’t. I’m so sorry Jetroe. I will make it up to you next time.” 

I shiver when the water touches my skin. I immediately adjusted it. 

I could hear him groaning in disappointment. We went to school together and to my surprise, Airo is absent. He skipped the class in the first week, I see. The discussion was as boring as always. It only interests me sometimes. I hate studying. I never had A grades since then. I am slow in academics but let’s say, a monster in the arts.

I always represent the school and win the rank one awards while gaining some negative comments on my academics. During middle school, I lessened my laziness and tried studying to get better grades. I was successful but it’s not an honor student type of grade.

I glanced at the empty seat near the door where Airo should be sitting by now if he was present. The atmosphere feels different. I also find it weird visiting the library just to read the book he’s always reading. I should be grateful, no more sign of that guy who will never lend this book to me but no. It’s more interesting when you have a rival.

I ran into Jethro and he’s still convincing me to go tonight. I am dying to say yes but I just can’t. The time runs so slow and I feel more terrible. Time is so unfair. Too slow at horrible boring days and fast during wonderful moments.

I went home alone. I didn’t text my best friend, because I have a feeling that he would lock me in his car and take me by force with him. I go to work right away and arrive home at 10. I feel like the whole day went boring. Nothing special but I still feel positive. I can party alone.

I stick my earphones on my ears and take a can of soda while dancing with the rhythm. I also played with the flashlight after turning the lights off. I look like a crazy person doing some lip sync and dancing on my own.

I almost scream when the lights turn on again.

“Jethro? What are you doing here?” I pull my earphones from my ears.

“I am going to kidnap you lady.”

The next day, a text message from Jethro surprised me. He failed to kidnap me last night because I always win with rock-paper-scissors. I scored 5 while he got zero.

“Did you know Airo’s brother died?” I can hear his voice in my head even when I am just reading it. I can imagine how he speaks. It’s like seeing his face surprised with his eyes widening while opening his mouth to utter the words.

I drop my arms on the soft bed while still holding the phone. I stand up and check the other phone too.

Now things are clear to me. Those messages I receive from the phone are all real and they happen. I click on the message and read it with my eyes.

August 20

04

His breakdown is something I can understand. To lose the very last part of your family is the most painful. We we’re not close but if only I went to him. I could probably take some pain away and lighten his burden. I wish I talked to him.

There is no time to waste. Time is precious and they can’t be wasted. Even a second counts, so as soon as I am ready I went to Airo’s house after asking random classmates online. I can see how his cold face shifts into a surprised expression. The house is quiet, no one else is there, but him and the coffin inside.

“How did you find me?”

“Fate showed me the way and I am here because I know how much pain you are bearing right now.”

For the first time, sadness was written all over his face. The very first emotion I  witnessed was from this expressionless guy, who I thought didn't know about bliss and lamentations. I flip on his second page and I wanna flip more pages.

“I’m Airo,” he speaks.

“I’m Ciana.” If not because of that text, this could be the first time we exchange our names. The day that I would know his name.

Tears ran down his face as he looked at me all alone. I am the only person who came into his house after knowing his loss. Before I could speak anything else, the next thing I know is that I am between his warm and tight embrace.