Kissing Stella

I jump when I feel his hand take mine, and I don’t fight it when he weaves our fingers together. We ride the rest of the way in silence, hand in hand. I try not to dwell on the past and the sadness it still brings me, but the memories come anyway. Of being shuffled between the houses of my aunts and uncles, of Brad crying and asking why he didn’t have a daddy when everyone else did, of the loneliness and hardship of parenting alone.

By the time I pull into the farm I feel down, the same way I always feel when this spiral of thoughts catches me. There aren’t many cars here, which is good. It will make it easier to pick a tree if there are less people vying for the good ones. I put the car in park, and before I can even turn the car off, Trevor is out of his seat. He’s standing in front of me on my side of the car when I open my door. He closes the door for me, and wraps his arms around me. It’s unexpected, and welcome. I feel myself relaxing into the warmth of this embrace.

“I’m sorry I