Chapter 1: Secret pleasures

Rejena

It has been years since I have been on holiday. It has been never, since I traveled out of my Country. Which is sad, I might add because that has always been my dream. I wanted to travel the world, see what it has to offer. I wanted to learn about different cultures and taste different foods. I wanted to be able to dance around the world, find a man along the way and never stop moving. Well, maybe not never, but I didn’t want to stand still, frozen in one place. Sadly, that had become my life. I found a job right after school to help pay the bills. A shitty job I might add, but one that ensured I had a steady income even if it meant working from dawn to dusk, hardly ever seeing the sunlight, aside from the brief time I decided to take up smoking to cope with my mental health while dealing with difficult clients. At least I thought I was doing it to keep sane, but it was just a distraction from how bad things had gotten. I quickly realized it was not helping my mental health at all, and it didn’t take much to stop the bad habit. 

Now, twelve years after finishing school, I am finally working a job where I have weekends to myself, decent pay and we are no longer stuck in a financial crisis. I have moved out of my parents house, and into my own, got two little dogs that has become my world and on the days that I get time, I write stories that are inspired by my over active imagination and the best part is, I get paid my people who enjoy reading the madness that goes on in my head. 

It all sounds perfect, right? The only thing that is wrong, is that it is not the life that I wanted. Not the life I had dreamed about as a kid. I am sitting in my own house, paying the bills, going to work, slaving myself off in accounting, something I never imagined I would do, but strangely enjoy it enough to decide to study it further. That was a mistake. Have you ever tried working a full-time job, taking care of your own house, trying to make a second income and studying all at the same time? It sucks, I can tell you that. The one thing I have time for and do for my own pleasure is watching Formula 1 every weekend. That is my time. From the warmups to practice rounds, to qualifications and finally the race. Even on the weekends when there are no races, I am rewatching, trying to see what drivers could’ve done differently. That is my one guilty pleasure and one that I will probably enjoy for the rest of my life and not really feel guilty about it. 

“Rejena, do you have those reports ready that I requested yesterday?” My manager, Daniel Parker asks, bringing me back to my present and away from the thought of cars racing around a racetrack at speeds that would make any normal person shit their pants in the passenger seat. 

“Yes, Dan. I sent it to you last night.” I tell him, reaching for my bottle of water, my mouth dying for relief from the desert it has become. If only I could throw the water in my eyes to give it some relief after spending hours on that report that had a deadline for 10am today and I was afraid I wouldn’t get it done on time, so I spent hours last night finishing it. 

“You are a gift, Jena.” He says, turning away from my table and heading to his office. Daniel is really one of the sweetest managers I have ever had. He always thanks me for doing my job, and when he sees that I am down, he always finds a way to make my day slightly better. Sometimes it is just a compliment, other times it is a coffee waiting on my table. At some point, I had wished that he was single and not my boss, because aside from his really good manners, he is also really attractive. He has dark brown hair that is nearly black, the prettiest brown kind eyes and it is very clear that he takes care of his body, not by being overly muscular or anything, but he has these veins on his hands that would make most women drool and he has a slim but defined body, at least from what I had seen the one day that he was forced to wear a crop top as punishment for losing a bet between the other highly qualified accountants at our company. Unfortunately, all the good ones are taken, and I am not one to ruin marriages or any form of relationships and the one time I had found a man that was good, and kind hearted, and not taken, he was taken from me. “By the way, did you see how amazing Oliver drove this weekend?” There he goes, trying to get me fired up.

“You know if Dalon didn’t have that crash in qualifying, he would’ve been taking the trophy home and would’ve stayed at the lead of the championship.” I tell him, getting ready to defend Dalon at all costs. He might not have been my favorite driver when I started watching Formula 1 and I am a loyal girl, so I will stay with Caleb as my favorite driver, even if the car he is driving is shit this year. The thing is though, Dalon has grown on me. He has this carefree attitude about him, but at the same time, I feel like there is more to him, and this year, we get to see more of that seriousness coming through. He is fighting for that championship and as much as I love that Oliver is kicking ass out there, I am rooting for Dalon, hoping he will at least take one championship home and seeing as Caleb has a shit car, I am hoping this is the year for Dalon. 

“Yeah, but he keeps fucking up, and then he has to get his ass out of those shit situations. He doesn’t seem to be able to keep it clean.” Daniel says and I have to agree, that seems to be the trend, but there is still hope for the man. 

“As if we don’t do that in our daily lives.” I say jokingly, but suddenly I am reminded just how big I have dug my own hole, and I am dying to find a way out. Good thing I had saved up since the day I moved out of my parents’ house and good thing I had decided to say screw it and take some well-deserved leave. It is time I did what I dreamt of doing as a kid, even if it is only one trip for now. 

“When are you leaving for Italy?” Daniel asks me, remembering that I won’t be here and why I felt the need to get all the work sorted even if it took me until late in the evening. 

“Tonight.” I tell him and he nearly snaps his neck, looking back up from his computer.

“Already?” He asks, sounding stunned.

“It is only for a week, and you know I need it.” I remind him, pulling a pouting face to make him laugh.

“Can’t believe you have been here nearly every day for three years. I didn’t even realize how little leave you took the past few years until you asked for that week off two months ago. Why do you take so little leave?” He asks, and I hate this question for many reasons. How do I tell him that I don’t have a life? My best friend works with me, and we hardly see each other outside of work aside from our once-a-month friend date. I never go out, because who has the time or energy to do that? 

“I have just been very career driven, that is all.” I tell him, and sure that is some of the truth but the actual reason, is I was giving myself every reason in the book why I couldn’t do what I have been dreaming of doing, because some part of me is afraid of change. The thing is, I feel trapped, and I have been feeling more and more like that every passing day. 

“Well, you have moved up faster in the company than most and you deserve to take a rest.” He says and I want to pat myself on the back. I love this company. Not only are they focused on employee growth, but they are just as Formula 1 crazy as I am. I mean, what other company would name its boardrooms after the Formula 1 racetracks and teams? Sure, it is fitting as we are the fastest growing secondhand car dealership, but still, it is awesome when you can relate your personal interests to that of the company. “Where did you say you were going again?” 

“Castelmezzano.” I tell him and he seems to think for a moment before shaking his head.

“Never heard of it.” He says, going back to his computer.

“You wouldn’t have. It is in the middle of no where Italy with a very small population. The perfect place to find some piece and quiet and to get my mind on the right track again.” I explain. It really is a small town, but it is beautiful and reminds me of the small towns you see in romance movies where the main character goes through on a trip and then decides to never leave again. It is perfect for my first trip out of this Country that I haven’t left once in the thirty years I have been alive.