TASTE OF DEATH AND NOT LOVE

COURTNEY

I sat on the edge of the big bed, holding my cold knees tight against my chest. Outside my window, I could hear the people in the village talking and pointing. Maria was out there in the dirt, holding a heavy broom, sweeping the long roads all by herself with no help. Her fancy dress was stained with mud, and her face was red with shame.

I should be happy that Maria is receiving punishment, but I was not happy because I felt something is wrong somewhere.

My heart felt heavy like a big stone in my chest. Revenge was supposed to feel sweet, but it didn't feel sweet at all. It felt dark and scary. I looked down at my soft hands, shivering in the cold air.

I no longer act but somehow I get defended.

That was the part that scared me the most. When those big, scary men came into my room in the middle of the night with iron chains, I did not lift a finger. I did not speak a spell. I did not move my feet. But an invisible force had risen up from the shadows and crushed their bones anyway. And in the grand hall, everyone swore they heard me speak words to Alpha Edward, but I didn't remember opening my mouth.

It felt like someone else was living inside my skin. It felt like the ghost of Princess Philomena was waking up inside me, taking control of my body, doing things without asking my permission. My own body was not mine anymore. The power was protecting me, but it was also locking me in a cage.

The bedroom door opened slowly with a quiet creak.

Alpha Edward stepped inside. The dark, angry storm that had been on his face all morning was completely gone. The lines of worry around his eyes were soft. He looked at me, and a gentle, warm light filled his handsome face.

That night, Alpha came into the room smiling.

"Maya," he whispered softly, his voice full of tender love.

He walked across the soft rug with long, slow steps, never taking his eyes off me. He stopped right beside the bed and reached down, gently taking my trembling hands in his large, warm palms. He pulled me up to stand in front of him.

He pulled me closer and began to kiss me.

His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, lifting me against his broad, muscular chest. His warm lips pressed against mine, sweet and hungry, melting away the cold fear that had been frozen inside my stomach all day.

The kiss lasted for three minutes. It was deep and intense.

My mind went completely blank as the heat of the mate bond flared up between us. My hands reached up on their own, burying my fingers in his soft dark hair, pulling him closer. Every breath he took felt like my own breath. Every heartbeat against my chest sounded like a loud drum beating for only me.

He lifted me gently and laid me down on the soft mattress, hovering over me like a shield.

Then he went to my breast and was sucking the nipples.

A hot, electric shiver ran all the way down my spine, making my skin prickle with pure pleasure. I gasped, throwing my head back against the white pillows as his warm mouth sent wild waves of fire through my entire body. I clutched his shoulders tight, my fingers digging into his strong muscles.

Then he slided his hands into my vagina.

The heat inside me was overwhelming, burning away every bad memory, every fear, and every ghost lingering in the corners of the dark room.

I moaned and spread my legs apart to have the full him inside, maybe it will help me forget my worries at the moment.

I closed my eyes tight, aching for him to fill the empty, cold space in my soul. I wanted to lose myself in his love. I wanted his touch to drown out the screaming of the broken men, the sight of Maria sweeping in the dirt, and the terrifying power living beneath my skin. I just wanted to be Maya, loved by her Alpha, safe and warm in his arms.

His body moved over mine, heavy, hot, and powerful. His breathing turned hard and fast against my neck, his heart hammering wildly against my ribs.

"Maya... my sweet Maya..." he groaned against my skin, his fingers tightening against my hips as he prepared to push deep inside me.

I held my breath, opening myself up completely to him, waiting for the sweet relief to consume us both.

But then he pushed me away like always, screaming "PHILOMENA!"

The violent shove caught me completely off guard. My head struck the wooden headboard with a sharp thud, and I tumbled backward across the sheets, shivering violently as the cold night air slammed back against my bare skin.

"PHILOMENA! NO!" Edward shrieked, his voice raw, high, and filled with a terrifying, blood-curdling horror.

He scrambled backward off the bed, hitting the hard floor with his knees, gasping for air as if he were drowning in ice water. His broad chest was heaving up and down frantically. His hands flew up to his head, clutching his hair so tight his knuckles turned completely white.

His eyes—which had been soft and full of love just a second ago—were now glowing a fierce, blood-red color in the dark room.

"Edward!" I cried out, my voice cracking with tears as I pulled the white sheet up to cover my naked chest. "Edward, please! Look at me! It's me!"

"Get away from me!" Edward roared, his eyes wild with pure agony and panic as he stared at me on the bed. "Why do you smell like her?! Why do I see her eyes when I look into yours?! What are you doing to my mind?!"

"I am not doing anything!" I sobbed, tears spilling over my eyelashes and falling onto the bedsheets. "I am Maya! I am sitting right here!"

"You're not Maya!" he screamed, his voice breaking down the middle with raw grief. "When I touch you, I feel a dead woman! When I taste you, I taste her blood! Philomena... stop haunting me! Leave me alone!"

He stumbled to his feet, knocking over the small wooden nightstand beside the bed. A glass vase shattered against the floor with a loud, terrible crash, sending water and sharp shards everywhere.

Edward didn't even look at the mess. He turned around, threw the heavy bedroom doors wide open, and ran out into the dark hallway like a man fleeing from a demon.

The loud bang of the door echoed down the long, empty stone corridors, leaving me alone in the freezing quiet.

I lay curled up on the bed, pulling the blanket over my shaking shoulders, weeping softly into the dark.

The spell was not broken. The nightmare was not over. No matter how much Edward wanted me, and no matter how much I wanted to hide in his arms, the ghost of my past self stood right between us, pushing us apart every single time. And the worst part of all was that I didn't know if Edward was going crazy... or if my own powers were truly turning me into a monster.