5 - Julia

A few minutes went by and I noticed his breathing leveled, and he was asleep. My mind just raced with all kinds of thoughts, it really goes to show that you never know what someone is going through. 

To me, Jace looked like the perfect All-American jock. He should be living his best life, not living in fear of his father and on top of everything, living in fear of being his true self. 

I couldn't hide being half black, it was on full display for everyone to see. It wasn't something I needed to explain, people could just see me for what I was. But Jace had to keep so much bottled inside, hide so much and basically live two lives, a burden I can't possibly understand. 

After about half-an-hour, I felt his fingers moving in my hair again and I desperately wanted to change the mood. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure, I hope you know you can always ask me anything. You're the only one who truly knows me Rae,” he said calmly. 

“If you feel like you are a girl trapped in a boy's body, what do you want to be called, or known as? Like what do you want your name to be? 

What if we agree to let you be your true self when it's just the two of us? What if I make sure you can have that safe haven with me?” 

After a minute, he said, “Julia, I want to be known as Julia. I've always felt like that is my real personality.” 

I looked up into his eyes and smiled, “then when it's just you and me, you are Julia.” 

He hugged me tight and sat up, suddenly very alert, “alright then what if we take it another step further? Can I try on some of your clothes?” 

Knowing that my dad and brother wouldn't be home for a couple more hours, I didn't see the harm. For the next two hours, we did each other's makeup and had a little fashion show. It should have been completely bizarre, but it wasn't... It just felt natural. 

I decided right then that I was going to get Julia a wig. I started asking questions about how she would want her hair and made mental notes. Julia has already given me so much self-confidence. 

I did get contacts, I bought some new clothes and got some makeup. I already felt far more comfortable in my own skin because of her, the least I could do was return the favor. I might have been coached on being girlie by Jace, but I knew it was Julia’s style shining through, and after tonight it was more evident than ever.

~~

~~

That summer, and the next school year ended up being the best time of my life, up to that point. Jace, Julia and I grew incredibly close. Jace and I got more bold in public with our PDA, to try and convince people we were legit. 

Julia and I, at night, would get more bold as well. We were so confident in our skills that we decided to go to a party. There was a college about an hour away that was notorious for its large parties. 

One Saturday night in the spring, we got all dressed up and I must say we looked amazing, and Julia was very convincing. We got to the party around ten and it was in full swing. 

We looked just like two girls out for the night. I was almost fifteen and starting to get a bit of confidence … I was also starting to get some decent boobs and Julia got me into push-up bras. 

Julia was incredibly nervous about her voice though, there was not really any way to change or hide that, so we hoped that the party would be loud enough where she wouldn't really have to do much talking. This was going to be her first time in public as Julia and she was freaking out. 

I was too admittedly, just because I didn't want to see her crushed if something bad happened or if someone said something. 

Julia said it was now or never, she needed to at least try it once and see how it went because the suspense was killing her. Nobody should know us, and we kept that confidence with us as we walked in and assessed the room. 

We danced and I had a couple drinks, Julia nursed a beer for the better part of an hour since she was driving. We were both having such a good time and it seemed too good to be true. I had just finished my drink and told Julia I was going for another when she grabbed my arm in a fierce grip. 

She buried her face in my shoulder and said, “we need to leave now!” 

She dragged me outside toward her car and I was trying to get an answer as to what happened. We got in the car and sped off, all the while I was demanding to know what happened. 

Julia was crying and just seemed very defeated. 

She said, “Corey and James were there…” 

They were seniors, and jocks that would surely recognize her. It was one thing to be Julia in front of strangers, but in front of people she knew … and especially them … no way. 

She confessed that she had a huge crush on James and even though she knew there was no chance in hell she could ever do anything with him, seeing him dance and make out with another girl, that hurt. 

From what I knew about James he was an asshole, a typical jock that thinks he is entitled to any cute girl that walks in front of him and Corey wasn’t any better. I told Julia she could do better and she would one day. 

She took my hand and stroked the back of it with her thumb, and seemingly out of nowhere after a long silence, she said, “I think we should break up.”