Chapter 80

Sometimes I, Sarah White, sat and fantasized about things ending. Before I went to sleep at night I prayed, asking for forgiveness for my thoughts. I would fantasize about some rich lady that Jacob would be having an affair with. She would pull up outside our house and he would pack his bags, telling me his leaving and leave with her.

I somehow felt relieved that he was gone. It made things so much easier than me thinking of walking out because in today's society ,men are never wrong. It is always the woman who takes the blame for a failed marriage, for her husband's faults. I worried about what people thought. I felt as if it was a label placed on my forehead and will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Although sometimes I thought it would hurt if he left but I somehow always felt a relief as if this burden was lifted off my shoulders.

I just fantasized about that because he always sunk the words deep in my head that if I left him, he would have no where to go and then be would start