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chapter 53
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Guilty pleasures Chapter 54
It was hard to go back and feel what she felt then. Somehow it felt more painful now. It felt as if those scars never healed.2008 continued.As I lay on my seat thinking about the times I went on a date with Jacob, I could only count two. Two whole dates where we just went the cinema, watched a movie and had lunch.After those two dates, we went to a cheap hotel to have sex.That's all we did throughout the year until the day I married him.That should have been a red flag but as usual, my heart betrayed me. My heart let me get used to being treated this way.As I waited one afternoon for my mum, Jacob approached me. He used to live across the road. After a small argument he swung his arms frantically trying to make contact with my face. I dodged it, but the anger in his voice made me shudder.It was another red flag.2009January thirty first I moved out with Jacob to a small one bedroom basement. It was so amazing at first. We both woke up around the same time, had a shower, change
Guilty pleasures Chapter 55
2009Jacob.New job. New behavior. New life. I was now just an option.The disappearing acts became frequent. I did not know where he was going. All that he told me was that he was going to purchase a loaf of bread on a Friday afternoon and would be gone for the entire night with my second sister's husband. It's funny how the story comes out of where they had gone, months and years later. I asked him about it and he denied every word. Saying it was just a bunch of lies. He had never been to teasers that night, he had never gone to Chatsworth that night. It had become a sequence of excuses and lies. The truth stared me in the face and I chose to believe the lies. My heart never wanted to feel the pain. It was easier that way, to believe his lies and block out the hard truth. Now when I look back, the red flags were there. I ignored it. I was stupid. I chose to love. I still choose to love. I chose to make it work. He would always say that no one wants to see us happy together. Th
Guilty pleasures Chapter 56
The week flew by and before I knew it, my appointment was here.The entire week, Jacob droned on and on about having a baby while all I felt was a wave of mixed emotions. By now I had to disclose to my boss about my pregnancy and half of work already knew. I was at a society pleaser and I always worried about what people would say.Although I knew I was not ready, and sure as hell, Jacob was not ready even though he seemed excited, I knew this was something that needed a responsible man. Jacob was far from responsible. He always seemed to be leaving me to have these so called boys nights out, or partying with friends. There were days where I just didn't know where he was or if he was coming home. I would just wake up panicked because we would go to bed together but a few hours later I wake up alone in bed.I had changed my mind on the T. O. P.I decided to have the baby.I hated the morning sickness. I was weak and drained. Jacob was not much of a help. He took out a loan and purchase
Guilty pleasures Chapter 57
Sarah sat, swallowing the last bit of wine from the bottle. This was a painful memory, she had blocked out. She knew she needed to face all of her past so that she could move forward.Night before the wedding.I dressed up in my wedding outfit and washed my hair, oiling it, leaving locks of curls.Jacob wore a blue jeans and a t shirt. I did not question why he was so casual.He drove into the parking lot. As I opened the door exit the car, I noticed he did not switch the engine off. I turned around with questioning eyes as he made an excuse."I have something to do, I will be back in a bit.",he said coldly.I knew it meant that I should not question him further. He had always sunk it in my head that iy was his car and I should noy question where he goes.I didn't question him. I got off and walked into the hall.The decor was stunning. Everyone had arrived and as usual I was fashionably late.Minutes turned into hours and Jacob did not attend. It was now midnight and everyone had go
Guilty pleasures Chapter 58
I did not sleep.I heard this man snoring for two hours straight.I went into the shower, checking that I was alright. No signs of any blood, I rubbed my tummy as I took a shower.My back ached and my head was still sore but it was my brother's wedding. I had to wear my prettiest smile and pretend that nothing happened last night.I changed into a pants and shirt, carrying my outfit with me. It was a four hour drive and we needed to leave soon.I woke Jacob up. He groaned and layed in bed. He looked at me and went back to sleep.I sat and begged him to wake up.He swore at me and I retreated.I made a cup of coffee and waited in the lounge.Half an hour later he gets into the shower. It was almost six o clock and the wedding starts at ten.I was scared to rush him, so I sat silently like a visitor on the couch.We left at six to fetch his mother.As soon as she looked at him, she asked about the scratches on his face.Immediately he lied. He said that the car had a problem and when he
Guilty pleasures Chapter 59
Things didn't get any better. Jacob continued his daily life of showering Shontell with compliments in front of my face. I felt so ugly. The inner feeling of nothingness. I started to doubt my worth. I felt that there was something wrong with me for him to not even compliment me anymore. As my stomach got bigger, he paid less attention to me. He only communicated when he needed to be pleased.I hated having s** with him. I was already eight months pregnant and every time I did satisfy him, I had medical problems afterwards.It was gross enough that he was sleeping around, but to put me at that risk. I guess he didn't care.Some say maybe it's a s** demon.I spent my entire pregnancy sharing my husband with his mistress.He claimed they where just friends but I knew better.A year later, I really thought he would change after our son. I still had medical problems after pleading him. I know if I didn't, then I had no problems. I tried to keep him, I really tried so hard to satisfy him s
Guilty pleasures Chapter 60
You would think that a man would devote all his time to his pregnant wife. I would think so, but this was not true.He spent more time with his work friends than he did with me.I would cook and clean, be a s** slave for him only to get infections from his dirty d***.Soon it was the day our precious baby boy would come into the world.I was excited.By the third trimester I was exhausted but happy to receive such a gift.I delivered a health 3.1kg baby boy.Jacob was ecstatic.He was so ecstatic that after the delivery he went home.He decided to work that night instead of spending it with me during visiting hours.I was lonely, while all the other moms received gifts, family and friends visiting them. I sat alone with my baby.Some friends visited me that afternoon but Jacob was a no show.He had brought his mother and mine earlier that day.He picked us up and took me to my parents home two days later.Although I was tired and weak, I cleaned up and looked after my baby. It was two
Guilty pleasures Chapter 61
I didn't expect much from Jacob. I thought that we were still in love with each other.I thought that there was nothing wrong, although there were signs and I knew of his affairs with Shontell and many others, I chose to hold on that maybe my mind was playing games with me.Until....I opened a message from Shontell, she had screen grabbed at message from Jacob to her that said:" I don't even love my wife. I don't know why I even married her. She is a horrible person."There was more nasty things said about my, but this was what stuck in my mind forever.Now, twelve years later, those words ring in my head.2014Jacob suffered a back injury. It was a slipped disc. I took him to hospital and he was admitted. I was already pregnant for my baby girl. But his injury caused me stress. First trimester, the worst by far. He was discharged but returned with cellulitis to both his arms. He was admitted again and although I had morning sickness all day long, I still made an effort to visit
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