Her Confession

CHAPTER 6: HER CONFESSION

It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never experienced love.

                  ~Humeyra

HUMEYRA'S P.O.V

I had a feeling that I would be heartbroken today. I might never see Hamdan again. For the past few days I have spent every moment missing his smile, his voice, and his wise comforting words. I miss him.

I never told him about my health condition because I didn't want him to pity my condition when I confessed my love to him. I wanted him to not feel obligated to stay with me. I wanted him to stay with me simply because he wanted to stay with me as a lover and not a care giver.

I prepared myself to meet the love of my life for may be the last time. I sent Aisha to him and Alhamdulillah he didn't disappoint Me., neither did she. I have come to trust Aisha with some parts of me since she was the only person I have to rely on whenever I was too weak to move.

I wore a very sexy dress under my baggy and opaque black abaya.One of the peaks of being a wealthy person was that you get to buy whatever you wanted for whichever occasion. Alhamdulillah. This doesn’t make me a spendthrift though because I understand that Israf (extravagance) is haram.

I then wore my signature black jalabib and board a cab  to one of my  hotels where I was going to meet the guy who made me feel after I thought I never would. I felt nervous since I was going to meet him and pour my heart out to him. I would be vulnerable to him again for the second time, I thought but it's a risk I have to take.

All along I felt that what am about to do might cost me a lot. The truth is I was shaking inside. Though I have lost some of my hayaa, I had some in me still hence confessing to Hamdan was not going to be very easy. I prayed to the almighty to not take my soul unless he is contented with it.

The cabbie took off after I got off and headed for the reception area where I was told the room was ready. I left my best friend swabir who happened to know me since childhood to stay guard as I went up to the presidential suite that I had reserved. There I found the coolness to my eyes Hamdan waiting.

Allahu Akbar.! He looked debonair in his three-piece suit that he took my breath away. His black silky hair was neatly combed and styled on his head. His beard was neatly kempt and I have to say, I was suddenly feeling so hot that I had to sit down.

I heard him give me the salaam to which I replied very quietly I doubt if he heard me. He had his gaze lowered as always as I just sat back and checked him out. He brought me out of my day dream by clearing his throat and started to talk. Astaghfirullah.

How have you been Humeyra? I was told you wanted to see me. Is everything alright?I looked up at him, took a deep breath and began my confession.

Bismillah. I am fine Hamdan. I needed to tell you something before you go back home to wadia. “Go ahead. Am all yours,” he said. I wish you were mine, I thought out loud. “Excuse me, did you said something?” He enquired. Ummh, no. I didn't. “Oh, alright. You might continue Humeyra.”

I then boldly took a step towards him until we were almost touching and looked up at him. He was at least some inches taller than me hence I had to tilt my head a bit to look him straight in the eyes. I realized that he was somehow shocked that I didn't maintain the distance as I have always done.

I swallowed heard and began. I... I.... I love you Hamdan. I have loved you since the first time I saw you. I love you for the sake of Allah and I would like to be married to you. Please Hamdan, don't think ill of me. You are the first man to ever see me vulnerable. You are the only man that I can truly submit to.

You make me so desperate for your love. I need you habibi (beloved). Please be mine. I whispered as I finished talking, looking down at my shoes. I didn't have to look at him to know that he was shocked. I could almost feel the wave of heat from his body at such close proximity.

It took a few agonizing minutes which felt like eternity to me for him to answer.