Chapter 2: A Night filled with Tears

Napahawak nalang ako sa muka ko ng maalala ang mga salitang ‘yon. 

Hindi daw siya magsasawa but look at it right now. He fell out of love.

How ironic. 

He broke his promise…

He shattered my heart in the worst possible way.

Clout and Xia, he loves Xia again… Again o hindi naman talaga nawaglit sa puso niya ang ex niya. What if kaya lang niya ako niligawan para magselos si Xia at bumalik sa kaniya. 

Napatingin ako sa cellphone ko ng mag ring iyon.

‘haha why do I even expect him to call me.’

I wiped out my tears and answered the call, “Hello kuya?” I tried to make my voice sound normal. 

Kuya Kie is not my biological brother, but I treat him as one. He’s the boyfriend of Karma, isa rin sa mga kaibigan ni Clout. “Where are you?” he asked immediately.

“Somewhere,” sagot ko at nag iwas ng tingin kahit wala naman siya sa harapan ko. 

I can’t say where I am and that I don’t have any urgent business to attend to. Mas lalong hindi ko kayang sabihin sakaniya ang mga narinig ko kanina. For sure he’ll directly question Clout.

Gusto kong si Clout mismo ang kusang magsabi sa akin ng lahat…sana sabihin na niya agad.

“Are you crying?” He asked. Natigilan ako sa tanong niya, does he know something?

“Hindi po,” mahina kong sagot. I heard him sighed heavily and a moment of silence happened.

I nervously bit my lip, “Bigla kang nawala kanina, hindi ka nagpaalam. Akala ko ano ang nangyari sayo. I just saw you picking up roses earlier then the next thing happened umalis ka daw. Akala ko naman ay nakagat ka ng ahas,” I dried my tears.

“Hindi kuya, may importante lang akong pinuntahan.” May nalaman kasi ako kaya kailangan kong pumunta sa malayo, I cannot bear to see them smiling with each other especially him.

‘Ganito talaga pag may nalaman’ napatawa nalang ako sa naisip ko.

“Nasaan yung bulaklak na kinuha mo kanina,” I froze when he asked that. Should I tell him that I tossed it into the fire dahil yung pagbibigyan ko ay may ibang gusto?

“Dinala ko,” I bit my lip, “Inaantok na ako kuya, matutulog na po ako.” Paalam ko. Hindi ko na hinintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin and just ended the call.

I hate this! All I want is to be happy yet every happiness I feel has excruciating pain in exchange. Bakit kailangan niya pang iparamdam sa akin na mahal niya ako kung sasaktan lang pala niya ako ng ganito? 

I wonder what he is doing right now, masaya ba siyang wala ako? Napatawa akong mahina sa naisip ko, damn it hurts knowing he is happy with someone else.

 It feels like my mind is going to explode. Sinubukan kong tumayo para pumasok sa loob but my knees suddenly gave out. Tears suddenly fell from my eyes.

hindi naman ako ganito dati, what happened to me?

I cried silently until my eyes got hurt and tried to walk towards my room while holding on to the wall to steady myself. How I wish these are just a dream, a nightmare that I could escape as soon as I woke up.

“Ashicc I love you so much,” he pinched my nose and kissed my forehead. I looked at him and kissed his eyes. 

“I love you so much, Clout.” I said while looking at his gray eyes. I hug him tightly like I don’t wanna let him go.

“Aba dapat lang noh,” he laughs, “kasi kung hindi,” I looked at him and squinted my eyes.

“Kung hindi?” I repeated the words he said.

“Kasi kung hindi, iiyak ako.” Napatawa naman ako sa sinabi niya at niyakap naman niya ako ng mahigpit. “Ayaw kitang mawala sa akin Abo, ang hirap mo pa naman kunin,” he rested his chin to my shoulder.

I patted his back, ”Parang hindi naman ako mahirap kunin, ang dali ko nga lang utuin eh.” 

He lightly tapped my forehead and shook his head, “Tara na, libre kitang ice cream.” Napangiti naman ako ng malaki at patakbong nagpunta sa motor niya. Napailing naman siya na tumatawa habang naglalakad papunta sa akin.

Ang ganda ng ngiti niya, hindi makakasawang tingnan. Sana ganito nalang kami palagi at sana hindi na matapos ang araw na ito.

“Basta talaga ice cream ang bilis bilis mo,” he said at isinuot ang helmet sa ulo ko tsaka ako inalalayang sumakay sa motor niya. “Slowly baby, baka mahulog ka.” Napahigpit naman ang hawak ko sa kamay niya.

“Bakit kasi ang laki ng motor mo? ang hirap umakyat,” nakanguso kong turan at yumakap sa kaniya ng mahigpit.

He smirked, “Gano’n talaga para astig tingnan, tsaka kaya naman kita alalayan para di ka mahulog.” Pinaandar na niya ang motor at nagdrive. I looked at him while driving, he looked so good while driving. 

‘I’m the luckiest girl in the world, I have a good looking boyfriend with lots of patience, a gentle, talented man who loves me the most.’

“Baka matunaw ako niyan ha,” he said and chuckled. Hindi ko namalayan na nakarating na pala kami, gano’n nalang ba ako nakatitig sa kaniya the whole time?

“Baliw,” wika ko at nag-iwas ng tingin. Hinawakan naman niya ng mahigpit ang kamay ko habang bumababa ako ng motor niya.

Sinenyasan niya akong lumapit sa kaniya pagkababa ko na siya namang sinunod ko. He gently removed my helmet and kissed my forehead before holding my hand papasok ng ice cream parlor. 

“Order whatever you want,” he said and looked at me.

I raise my eyebrow, “kahit ano?” paninigurado ko. He smiled and nodded gently reassuring me.

“I want that big cup of cookies and cream flavor,” I said to the cashier, she smiled at me and glanced at Clout waiting for his order.

“One big cup of chocolate flavor,” he said and settled the bills. I looked around the Ice cream parlor and noticed that it’s also a mini cafe.

“Bagong tayo ba ito dito?” tanong ko at tumingin sa kaniya. Umiling naman siya at hinawakan ako sa ulo.

“Matagal na ito dito pero konti nalang ang pumupunta,” he said at hinawakan ang kamay ko. “I know you will like this mini cafe and ice cream parlor since it has a mini library here.” Tiningnan ko naman ang kabuuan ng cafe habang nakasunod sa kaniya naglalakad. 

Hawak niya pa rin ang kamay ko na para bang ayaw niyang bitawan. I stared at it for a long time ng bigla nalang ako nauntog. “Aww,” mahina kong sabi at napahawak sa noo ko.

“Hindi kasi tumitingin sa dinadaanan,” wika niya at hinipan ang noo ko.

I glared at him, “Bakit ka kasi biglang huminto,” kunwaring naiinis kong wika.

 He just laughed at me and pinched my cheek, “Ang cute mo talagang mapikon.” Npabuntong hininga nalang ako at tinaasan siya ng kilay, “little dragon,” he said at bago pa ako makapagsalita ay hinila na niya ako paupo sa isang couch.

I glanced at the shelves surrounding us. Nasa isang sulok ng cafe ang mini library na tinutukoy niya at hindi ka rin madaling makikita ng iba, nakaharang kasi ang isang shelves na nagsisilbing pader. Nagmuka siyang mini room at may isa ring center table at tatlong couch, ang ganda and for me this place is heaven.

“Do you like it?” he asked while looking at me.

I nodded, “I love it,” I answered happily. I glanced at him and he’s smiling at me genuinely, his eyes are so bright and blooming with happiness.

“Clout.” I called him but he just smiled at me.

“Huy sumagot ka naman,” I tilted my head, and I frowned when I realized his face started to get blurry. Panicked started rising from my chest as I tried to reach and called him, “Clout!” habol hininga kong sigaw habang nakahawak sa dibdib ko.

‘What a dream, it’s so scary’ I get up and get water from the fridge. “Clout I have a bad dream,” I said pagbalik ko ng kwarto.

Napatigil ako ng walang sumasagot sa akin, tears started to form in my eyes again. Then reality hit me, he’s not here. I sat beside my bed and crouched down hugging my knees. 

‘He doesn’t love me anymore’ 

I tried to stand up and get my phone. Maybe I’m overthinking things, maybe he loves me. I tried to find his contact number even though my eyes were blurry from the tears.

I grasp my chest because of the pain I’m experiencing. I believe he still loves me…He promised me.

‘Clout still loves me’ I keep reassuring myself while waiting for him to pick up the phone.

“Hello?” Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ng marinig ang boses ni Xia.

'Why does she have his phone?'

'Was I really just an option?’

“Ash, sandali tawagin ko si Clout,” I can hear his laughter…their laughter.

Para akong tinanggalan ng hininga sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. He’s happy and they are fine without me. 

“What?” I closed my eyes in despair when I heard his voice. “May kailangan ka ba?” he asked.

Hindi ako makapagsalita, parang may kung anong nakabara sa lalamunan ko. “Nandyan ka pa ba?” he asked again.

I just bit my lip as I heard his voice again talking with someone. “Hindi naman siya nagsasalita,” after that I heard the phone call ended.

I slowly put my phone down and stared at it…

‘Xia has his phone and he’s happy without me.’