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Hair Knotted Around My Heart
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I have pica. I have had a compulsion to eat hair for as long as I can remember. Whenever I feel strands of hair tugging inside my stomach, I feel strangely calm. I look at my thin wrists and the sharp outline of my ribs, and I feel proud. Sometimes Mom cries and asks why I became like this. Seeing her hurt because of me fills me with satisfaction. Dad runs himself ragged trying to get me appointments with specialists, his hair turning completely gray from the strain. And somehow, that makes me feel happy too. My therapist asks whether there is some knot inside me I can't untie. I shake my head and say that my parents have always favored and spoiled me. How could there be a knot? It isn't until Mom completely breaks down in the consultation room that the truth begins to surface. She drops to her knees in front of me, presses her forehead to the floor, and sobs. "Please forgive us. Please stop doing this to yourself, okay?"
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Hair Knotted Around My Heart Chapter 8
After the funeral, Noah had nightmares seven nights in a row.Every night he woke up screaming in the middle of the night, saying he'd dreamed I was standing on that ledge asking him:"Am I the younger one now?"At first Mom thought he was only frightened.Then, at dinner on the eighth day, Noah brought the smashed kitchen scale back to the table.He set his own food on it and started taking pieces off.Seven point one ounces.He threw away a grain of rice. Then he picked off a leaf of greens.Mom rushed over and took the bowl away from him."What do you think you're doing?"Noah hung on to it with both hands and sobbed and wouldn't let go."This is how he took you away from me."He stopped eating, he ate hair, and then you both loved him."So I'll do it too."If my stomach is full of hair, will you love me again?"Mom froze where she stood.The next day, Noah refused to eat.The day after that, he started pulling out his own hair.By the time Mom got to him and pried
Hair Knotted Around My Heart Chapter 7
On the day of my funeral, Mom cooked a whole table of food.Drumsticks, ribs, custard, and the little cake I'd loved when I was small.She didn't use the kitchen scale.But when she set the plate down in front of my picture, she still caught herself asking:"Is this too much?"The words were barely out before she went still.The next second she was piling more onto the plate like she couldn't make herself stop."More."Owen can have more."Nobody's punishing you today."The plate was heaped over. Food was falling onto the floor.She kept adding to it."He gets hungry."He was hungry from the age of twelve to eighteen."Six years. He never once ate until he was full."When he couldn't stand it anymore, he filled his stomach with hair."Noah came to the funeral too.He walked up to my picture and had only gotten out "Owen" when Mom's head snapped up."Don't. Don't you say his name."Noah's eyes were red."I want to apologize."I didn't know he'd really jump."But Dr
Hair Knotted Around My Heart Chapter 6
Three days after I died, Dad found the kitchen scale under my bed.The white casing had yellowed. A curled strand of hair was still stuck to the edge of the display.Underneath the scale was a diary.Mom sat down on my bed with it in her lap. Her hands shook for a long time before she opened to the first page.I'd been six.The handwriting was crooked, and there were little hearts drawn on every page."Noah was born today."Dad didn't come get me from kindergarten. My teacher waited with me until it got dark."Dad definitely didn't forget me."He just loves Noah so much, and he knows I'm the grown-up one and I can wait by myself."A crumpled gold star was tucked into the second page."I got first place and I wanted to give this to Mom."But Noah spit up, so she didn't see it."That's okay."Mom has to take care of Noah because he can't talk yet."I can talk, so Mom doesn't need to worry about me."Mom started sobbing out loud.She remembered that star.That day she'd
Hair Knotted Around My Heart Chapter 5
Wind tore past my ears.Mom's scream got farther and farther away.When I hit the ground, I didn't feel any pain. I only heard a dull sound, and then the world flipped over in front of me.Mom was the first one down.She dropped to her knees beside me and reached for me, then didn't dare touch me."Owen, please. Open your eyes. Look at me."I wanted to tell her I was fine.As long as she didn't go to Noah, I was fine.But when I opened my mouth, what came out was blood.There were a few strands of hair in it, still undigested.Dad got there next.He knelt on my other side and tried to wipe the blood away with his sleeve, and no matter what he did, he couldn't wipe it away.His phone kept ringing.Noah's name was on the screen.Dad didn't even look. He threw the phone away from him.I saw it, and a strange sweetness filled my heart.So what if Noah was hurt?Dad wouldn't even pick up for him now.The ambulance came fast.Mom rode with me and held on to my hand."Owen
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