LOGINAfter the funeral, Noah had nightmares seven nights in a row.Every night he woke up screaming in the middle of the night, saying he'd dreamed I was standing on that ledge asking him:"Am I the younger one now?"At first Mom thought he was only frightened.Then, at dinner on the eighth day, Noah brought the smashed kitchen scale back to the table.He set his own food on it and started taking pieces off.Seven point one ounces.He threw away a grain of rice. Then he picked off a leaf of greens.Mom rushed over and took the bowl away from him."What do you think you're doing?"Noah hung on to it with both hands and sobbed and wouldn't let go."This is how he took you away from me."He stopped eating, he ate hair, and then you both loved him."So I'll do it too."If my stomach is full of hair, will you love me again?"Mom froze where she stood.The next day, Noah refused to eat.The day after that, he started pulling out his own hair.By the time Mom got to him and pried
On the day of my funeral, Mom cooked a whole table of food.Drumsticks, ribs, custard, and the little cake I'd loved when I was small.She didn't use the kitchen scale.But when she set the plate down in front of my picture, she still caught herself asking:"Is this too much?"The words were barely out before she went still.The next second she was piling more onto the plate like she couldn't make herself stop."More."Owen can have more."Nobody's punishing you today."The plate was heaped over. Food was falling onto the floor.She kept adding to it."He gets hungry."He was hungry from the age of twelve to eighteen."Six years. He never once ate until he was full."When he couldn't stand it anymore, he filled his stomach with hair."Noah came to the funeral too.He walked up to my picture and had only gotten out "Owen" when Mom's head snapped up."Don't. Don't you say his name."Noah's eyes were red."I want to apologize."I didn't know he'd really jump."But Dr
Three days after I died, Dad found the kitchen scale under my bed.The white casing had yellowed. A curled strand of hair was still stuck to the edge of the display.Underneath the scale was a diary.Mom sat down on my bed with it in her lap. Her hands shook for a long time before she opened to the first page.I'd been six.The handwriting was crooked, and there were little hearts drawn on every page."Noah was born today."Dad didn't come get me from kindergarten. My teacher waited with me until it got dark."Dad definitely didn't forget me."He just loves Noah so much, and he knows I'm the grown-up one and I can wait by myself."A crumpled gold star was tucked into the second page."I got first place and I wanted to give this to Mom."But Noah spit up, so she didn't see it."That's okay."Mom has to take care of Noah because he can't talk yet."I can talk, so Mom doesn't need to worry about me."Mom started sobbing out loud.She remembered that star.That day she'd
Wind tore past my ears.Mom's scream got farther and farther away.When I hit the ground, I didn't feel any pain. I only heard a dull sound, and then the world flipped over in front of me.Mom was the first one down.She dropped to her knees beside me and reached for me, then didn't dare touch me."Owen, please. Open your eyes. Look at me."I wanted to tell her I was fine.As long as she didn't go to Noah, I was fine.But when I opened my mouth, what came out was blood.There were a few strands of hair in it, still undigested.Dad got there next.He knelt on my other side and tried to wipe the blood away with his sleeve, and no matter what he did, he couldn't wipe it away.His phone kept ringing.Noah's name was on the screen.Dad didn't even look. He threw the phone away from him.I saw it, and a strange sweetness filled my heart.So what if Noah was hurt?Dad wouldn't even pick up for him now.The ambulance came fast.Mom rode with me and held on to my hand."Owen
Mom rushed to explain."I bought that scale to take care of you."You kept saying you never had enough to eat. I only wanted to know exactly how much you were eating."I shook my head."No."You bought it to punish me."Every bit of color went out of her face.The day after Noah was found, he stood in front of every relative we had and cried that I hadn't cared about him at all."Owen kept saying he was hungry."I was lost and he was sneaking bread."Every relative in that room started looking at me differently.Mom felt like I'd humiliated her in front of all of them.That afternoon she came home with a kitchen scale, and she locked every snack, every loaf of bread, and every carton of milk in the house inside a cabinet.She set my bowl on the scale.Seven point one ounces.Right there in front of me, she dumped the whole thing in the trash."Over seven ounces and you don't get any of it."I was so frightened I started crying."Mom, I'm hungry."She pointed at Noah,
Dad finally forced out one sentence."He was only six."Mom nodded quickly."He was probably just scared. He didn't know how to come out."And that smile — it might not have had anything to do with you."I wasn't angry at all.My parents were simply too kind.Even after watching Noah lie to their faces, they couldn't bring themselves to think badly of him.Dr. Shaw looked at me."Your parents misjudged you. They hurt you. You don't just refuse to resent it, you're sitting here explaining it away for them. Why?"I paused."Because they love me most."After I collapsed at twelve, Mom didn't close her eyes for three days.Dad put all his work aside and stayed in that hospital room, repeatedly asking the doctors why his son would eat hair.Noah cried and said I'd done it on purpose.He said I'd picked his birthday to pass out on, on purpose, so Mom and Dad would yell at him, on purpose, to get back at him.It was the first time Dad ever lost his temper with him."Your brot







