Four

The morning came too fast. I spent an extra ten minutes in the shower, the hot water a poor attempt to stall the inevitable.

If I ditched the first day, my father would have my head, and I'd already been through enough drama to last a lifetime.

After stepping out, I pulled on a sports bra and matching boxers. I stood in my walk-in closet, staring at my options before settling on a dark blue denim jacket, a slightly lighter shade of jeans, and a white t-shirt.

I made sure to clasp the pendant Mom gave me for my thirteenth birthday. She'd said she would be with me whenever I wore it. I hadn't really been listening then, but I was clinging to the thought now.

I pulled my curls up into a tight bun; they were getting longer than I liked.

After sliding on my black Jordan Air Force 1s, I checked the mirror. I grabbed my backpack and shoved my wallet into my back pocket, nearly forgetting deodorant before doing a quick 180 to spray a cloud of it.

I headed for the garage and found Marcus already waiting by the car.

"Aren't you supposed to be inside?" I asked, opening the driver's side door only to find a driver already in the seat.

He gave me a polite, professional nod.

I turned to Marcus, my eyes narrowing. "What is he doing in my seat? I thought I was driving myself."

Marcus didn't move, his expression neutral. "Your father called this morning. He preferred you had a driver for the transition. It's only for the first week, Ms. Alvarez. Then you can handle the commute yourself."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. But you aren't driving onto the school grounds. Drop me off outside the gates."

Neither of them responded. I shifted my gaze between them. "Uh? We aren't driving onto the premises, are we?"

Marcus cleared his throat, his gaze fixed forward. "How are you feeling? Any first-day jitters?"

"I was nervous last night, but not anymore. Smooth change of topic, by the way," I muttered. He turned his head away and I could've sworn I saw a smirk.

"Your father requested I stay on school grounds," Marcus added as we pulled out. "I won't enter the building unless it is absolutely necessary."

I looked at his attire.

He was wearing all-black: a tactical vest over a long-sleeved muscle shirt and cargo pants tucked into combat boots. He looked like he was expecting a riot.

"Why are you wearing that?" I asked, my gaze judgmental. "Do you want everyone to think you're CIA?"

Marcus adjusted the communication wire behind his ear, his face remaining stoic. "It is standard protocol for high-risk transitions. Besides, it's functional."

I shook my head. He was stiff, almost robotic at times, but he was the only bridge I had left to my old life.

He was like the older brother I never had, even if he expressed it through silence and security checks.

We sat outside Red Lodge High for a few minutes before I moved.

"You'll be fine," Marcus said, a small smile playing his lips. It was the most emotion he'd shown all morning.

"Just go in there and focus. If there are issues, you know how to reach me."

I grabbed my bag and jumped out, speed-walking toward the entrance. Marcus trailed several paces behind, his eyes constantly scanning the perimeter.

"Slow down," he said quietly as we approached the main doors.

"I'm just trying to get this over with," I replied. I didn't want to admit I was anxious. I missed my mom. I missed having someone I could tell everything to without feeling like a burden.

We reached the front office. The secretary looked up, her brow furrowing. "Is there a problem, gentlemen?"

I felt a sting of annoyance. "No problem, ma'am. I'm a new student. And I'm a girl, just to be clear."

She turned a deep shade of pink. "O-oh? I am so sorry. Please, go right in. The Principal is expecting you."

After a brief meeting with the Principal-who was surprisingly welcoming-I walked out with my schedule. Marcus was waiting in the hall.

"English, Math, Biology, Lunch, and Languages," I told him, scanning the paper.

"I'll be by the perimeter fence," Marcus said, checking his watch. "The blue button on your watch, press it only if you need me. I'll be here in seconds."

"Understood. See ya." I dapped him up, a brief moment of familiarity, before heading to English.

I knocked twice on the classroom door. A small woman opened it and ushered me in. The second I stepped inside, the room went dead silent. Dozens of eyes bored into me.

"Class, this is our new student," the teacher I made out to be Mrs. Mackenzie said. "Her name is..."

"Remington Alvarez," I filled in, my voice tighter than I wanted it to be. "I'm eighteen. Originally from LA. We moved for...personal reasons."

"Thank you, Remington. You can sit by Ms. Dubois over there." She pointed to a girl at the back who was already scowling at me.

I walked toward the seat, nearly tripping twice as feet were kicked out into the aisle.

The class erupted in laughter and I felt my face burn as I sank into the window seat.

The rest of the morning was a blur of whispers and the occasional crumpled paper hitting the back of my head.

At lunch, I realized I was the only person of color in the entire cafeteria. I felt like a drop of ink in a bucket of milk.

I sat at an empty table and opened my book, The Blades of Light and Shadow. Suddenly, a hand slammed down on the page.

"You're in our spot," a voice said. It was the girl from English-Dubois. Her voice was soft, but sharp.

"I didn't see anyone here," I said, pulling my book back.

"When I say 'you're in our spot,'" she said, flashing a fake, venomous smile, "the first thing you should do is get up and fuck off."

I stood up, towering over her easily. "Ah. You're the 'Queen Bee.' I don't like bullies. But since you asked so nicely, I'll move. Enjoy your table, Queen." I flashed a smirk and grabbed my tray, sending a wink as I walked away.

The day ended with more of the same: trips in the hall, being shoved into lockers, and names I tried to tune out. By the time I got home, I was exhausted.

I was doing homework when Sarah texted. I called her and vented everything.

"I wish you'd smacked her!" Sarah groaned.

"Sarah, you should've seen me in front of her. I've been bigger than almost everyone since middle school. If I actually hit someone, I'd most likely be putting them in a hospital."

I leaned back, staring at the callouses on my knuckles. "My dad put me in all those self-defense classes not so I could pick fights, but so I'd have the discipline to not use my strength. I'm a little more than a foot taller than that girl, it wouldn't even be a fair fight. I'm not planning on being the 'angry' new kid who hospitalizes someone on day one."

"Tough," Sarah said. "But maybe you're just being a teeny bit delusional because you've got a dick."

I rolled my eyes with a groan. "Leave my private out of this!"

"Private? Too scared to say the d-word?" she cackled.

"Don't start," I muttered, but a small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

No matter how much she annoyed me, Sarah was the only person who talked about my extra appendage like it was just a regular Tuesday.

"Oh, I'm starting," she replied, her voice practically vibrating with mischief. "I'm just saying, the testosterone has to go somewhere, Remi. You're like a high-performance engine. You can't just let all that power sit in the garage."

"You are actually insane. I am not an engine." I adjusted the pillow behind my head, trying to ignore the heat crawling up my neck.

"Fine, a Titan then," she teased. "But seriously! Since you're all alone in that big house with nothing but your thoughts...do you ever, you know... masturbate?"

I choked on my spit. "What the fuck, Sarah?!"

"Geez, don't die on me, Remi. It's just an innocent question! We're eighteen, not twelve."

Being intersex was a secret I only shared with a few. Sarah didn't care, which was why I loved her.

I looked at my closed bedroom door as if Marcus could hear through the walls, even though I knew he was probably downstairs doing a perimeter check.

"I just...I've never felt the need to, okay?" I whispered. "And yes, before you ask, it...works. Obviously. I get hard-wait why am I telling you any of this?"

Sarah let out a giggling snort. It was a wet, ridiculous sound that confirmed my suspicions.

"Are you high?" I asked flatly.

"Maybe a little," she admitted, her voice airy and unbothered. "But seriously, I touch myself practically all the time."

A high-pitched squeak escaped my throat before I could catch it. I squeezed my eyes shut, mortified.

"Sarah! Oh my god, I did not need to know that! I definitely did not need a visual!"

Sarah's laughter erupted through the speaker, the sound loud and jagged. "You are so innocent, Remi! Oh my god, I can practically hear your brain short-circuiting from here."

I scoffed, rolling onto my side and hugging a pillow to my chest. "I am not innocent. I've seen things, Sarah."

"Mhm," she hummed, the sound dripping with skepticism. "Whatever you say, ReyRey. If you say you're a big bad wolf, I'll believe you."

"I'm not a-forget it." I sighed, wanting to change the subject before she described her weekend plans in even more detail.

"I'm just saying," Sarah continued, her voice dropping back into that dangerously curious tone. "Since you're so 'not innocent,' you should at least be able to tell your best friend the basics. Like, how big you are. I just want to know if you're my dream size."

"Goodbye, Sarah!" I shouted, my face flaming so hot it felt like it was glowing in the dark.

"Wait! Remi, don't-!"

I ended the call with a definitive thud of my thumb on the screen and tossed the phone toward the foot of the bed.

I stared at the ceiling, my heart still racing from the sheer audacity of her questions.

I've never measured myself. I didn't hate the way I was born, but it was a constant, confusing puzzle that I preferred to leave unsolved.

Talking to Sarah was always an emotional roller coaster, but as I pulled the covers up to my chin, I realized the heavy knot of anxiety about the new school had loosened, replaced by the familiar warmth of her chaos.

I closed my eyes, hoping the "Queen Bee" at school was half as easy to handle as Sarah when she was high.