Chapter 13: The Turning Point

Cassian

The room was holding its breath with me.

The stone pillars were leaning around us, some of them broken, with saints carved on them but their throats cut off. The marble floor was dirty with dust and blood. It was really quiet like the noise from the battle had been sucked out and it felt like the ruined hall was watching us to see what would happen next.

Selene was lying on the ground where she had fallen.

There was a lot of blood under her spreading out like a halo, seeping into the cracks in the stone. Her chest was already moving, just a little. When I put two fingers on her throat I could feel her pulse but it was weak.

It was like a candle in the wind.

One beat.

Nothing.

Then another.

I had seen a lot of people die. Men begging for mercy. Women cursing. Kids who were too shocked to understand what was happening. Death is pretty efficient when you see it a lot. It's predictable like a door that only opens one way.

Kneeling next to her, I found myself listening for each beat like it was a verdict.

I was calculating because that's what I do.

If she died now, the anomaly would die with her.

If I turned her, she might get up and be all feral and mindless like another failed hybrid, tearing through streets until someone killed her.

If I left her, I would be keeping my distance, and control with clean hands.

If I stayed…

My jaw clenched.

For the first time in centuries, my logic didn't make sense. It was all scattered, like birds.

“Damn you, " I muttered. I wasn't sure if I meant her or myself.

Her eyelashes trembled.

Then her eyes opened.

At first it was a little slit and she wasn't really focusing. She stared up at me. I was just a shadow to her. Her instincts kicked in away. Even when dying she reached for the silver blade strapped to her thigh.

Her arm shivered uselessly.

Blood bubbled at her lips when she tried to talk.

“Do... It.”

The words came out as a cough.

She was still hunting me.

Something bitter and somehow admiring moved through me.

She burrowed at my coat with her fingers trying to pull me close enough to hit me, bite me or scratch me. Pride was still alive in her even when her body was failing.

I caught her wrist easily.

She jerked against my grip, her eyes blazing with hatred.

Instead of pinning her down, I put her hand back on the stone gently.

The look she gave me then was sharper than any blade.

She understood cruelty and mercy offended her.

“Do not mistake this for kindness " I said.

Her mouth curved into something like a sneer.

I should have left her with that expression.

Instead I heard myself speak.

“I never intended tonight.”

The words sounded foreign in my voice.

She blinked slowly her consciousness slipping in and out.

“You were meant to remain distant, observed, untouched." I looked at the wreckage around us. "A variable watched us from afar.”

Her fingers twitched.

“You stepped onto the board.”

I hadn't moved her off it quickly enough.

I didn't say that part.

I hadn't said things in a very long time.

Her pulse skipped again beneath my fingertips, with a longer gap this time.

Time narrowed.

“There is no space left to ask permission, " I said quietly.

Understanding cut through her haze with clarity.

Her eyes widened.

No.

The word formed soundlessly behind the blood that filled her mouth. She tried to spit at me, to curse me or maybe beg for death. I had given death to people before, but never like this.

I slid one arm beneath her shoulders and lifted her up. She was lighter than I thought she would be, all muscle and heat that was fading away. Her head lolled against the crook of my elbow, her throat bare because she was weak, not because she trusted me.

"Fight me later, " I whispered to her.

Then I sank my fangs into her neck. Her body arched up. The first bite was violent. It was not gentle. Her flesh, her blood flooded over my tongue, warm and sweet.

Then something changed. The pain left her body with each pull of blood and her face, which had been twisted in agony, started to relax. Her breath caught in her throat and she seemed to feel something like relief.

She convulsed in my arms trapped between the pain of what I was doing to her and the surrender that was taking over her body. I stopped before I took too much blood from her. Her blood streaked my mouth and her pulse was almost gone.

I opened my wrist with one of my nails. Dark blood welled up, thick and shining in the light. This was blood, dangerous blood, my blood. I pressed the wound to her lips.

"Drink, " I told her.

She turned her face away but I would not let her. I gripped her jaw and forced her mouth back to my wrist. A little blood slid past her lips. She gagged, trying to keep it out, but I did not let her.

"Drink, " I said again. My thumb pressed beneath her chin and her body betrayed her, so she swallowed.

The room around us changed. I felt it before I saw it. Her body seized up. I almost lost my hold on her. I laid her down on the floor as every muscle in her body locked up at once. Her veins rose up black beneath her skin and her bones shifted with a wet grinding sound as they healed themselves. Her torn flesh drew together sealing itself in crawling lines.

She screamed. At first it was a scream but it did not stay that way. Her back bowed up off the marble floor, her spine lifted in an arc. Her fingers clawed at the stone and blood sprayed from her reopened wounds only to seal themselves again seconds later.

I pinned her wrists when she swung at me blindly. The first hit cracked the marble beside my knee. The second hit my ribs hard. I felt my old bones split. She was already strong too fast.

"Selene " I said to her but she did not respond.

I caught her shoulders. Pressed her down to the floor with force as she thrashed about like something dragged from deep water. Her hair whipped across the stone and her teeth snapped at the air.

"Listen to me, " I told her.

She just screamed again a raw savage sound that could strip skin from bone. I lowered myself over her to keep her from breaking her neck against the floor. My body caged hers not because I wanted to possess her, not because I was tender. Because it was necessary.

It looked like an embrace though. "Breathe " I said, knowing it meant nothing. "Hold on. Stay." These were words, words for storms.

Then without warning, everything stopped. Her body dropped limp beneath my hands. Silence crashed down around us.

I listened. One beat. A long wait. Then nothing. I moved my hand to her chest. There was stillness. No breath. No pulse. The room was like a tomb.

I stared at her face suddenly stripped of fury and stripped of pain. Her lashes were dark against her skin. If I had failed then I had not saved her. I had stolen her moments and filled them with horror.

For the first time in centuries, regret came before strategy. Seconds stretched out. Then a black vein pulsed beneath the skin of her throat. I froze.

Her fingers twitched against the marble

. Her lips parted on a breath she no longer needed. I stepped back not because I was afraid. Because I was in awe.

Her eyes snapped open in the dark.