Chapter One

Colette Smith

I tried not to have high expectations this time as paced back and forth in the restroom with the pregnancy test in my hand. As I tapped the plastic object against my palm in anticipation, I tried to calm my breathing and the racing heart in my chest. 

I mean what is the worst that could happen. It is not like anyone would know that I took a test today and it says that it is negative. There is no shame in that. It would be my own disappointment...not anyone else's. I am only going to fail myself. Nothing bad will happen. 

If it is negative all I have to do is keep on trying right? I mean it may make me a little depressed but at least I still have my ovaries and my uterus...I can still try again. 

Why am I so nervous? It is only a stupid test. Come on Colette, you can do this. Stop being such a puss. Get over yourself! 

I took a deep breath once again and unwrapped the pregnancy test packaging with shaky hands. Why am I so nervous? This is ridiculous! 

It is not like I would die if it turns out to be negative. It is not like it would be the end of the world if it turns out that I am not pregnant. I have done this many times. Too many times to count actually, so this should be routine at this point.

I think somewhere in my conscious mind my hopes for a positive test result was rather high and as a result I am secretly hoping that this is the moment I find out that I am indeed pregnant - regardless of the fact that I keep telling myself that I am not just so that I could miss not being disappointment. 

I sat on the toilet and peed on it. Immediately after I got done, I put the cap back on the pregnancy test and waited for the results to show up. Usually, it is instructed that you wait five minutes to see the results but if it is positive, you can tell right away. As the test slowly absorbed my urine, I kept my eyes on the result window, not even blinking. At some point, my eyes began to water but I did not care. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the first line and I jumped up.

I did not have to wait for the second line because I just knew it was going to appear and say that I am positively pregnant. I looked at myself in the mirror, grinning brightly from ear to ear. Out of total disbelief, I looked down and looked at the two lines on the test. I jumped for joy again, screaming quietly in excitement. I ran out of the bathroom and into my bedroom to retrieve my phone. I wanted to wait for my boyfriend to get home so I could see his reaction for myself but I was too excited to wait.

I unlocked my phone and found his chat.

Guess what?

I typed and sent to him. Within two minutes my phone notified me of his response.

What?

He said. I rolled my eyes at his response.

I am pregnant!!!

I bit my lip and looked at the phone. He immediately opened the message and was already texting me back.

You are lying.

I took a picture of the test and sent it to him.

When he opened the message, my phone began to ring. It was my boyfriend calling me. Grinning widely, I answered the phone.

“So does this mean I will have to work more now instead of skipping work to spend time with you?” He said and my heart skipped a beat.

I felt so happy and excited that I already could not wait for my bump to start showing. I already could not wait for the baby to get here.

“Yes, unfortunately. I am so excited and happy! Ahh. I just cannot stop looking at the test, and to think I was not going to check it. Imagine if I did not check then one day I just wake up with a big belly?” I joked and we both laughed at the possibility of that happening.

While I stayed on the phone with my boyfriend, I sat behind the computer and began to G****e things about pregnancies. I knew a little about it, but reading more about what happens during pregnancy, now that I am pregnant seems rather exciting and interesting.

I was still in disbelief that I was pregnant. I was only ninety-eight pounds and I stood at a mere five feet four inches in height. I was quite short. I really hoped that during my pregnancy as it progressed that I would gain a lot of weight. I wanted to have that pregnancy glow and I was really looking forward to it. I did not mind the possibility of having a swollen nose or feet as a result of it. Any pregnancy symptom that I was to experience in the future would be welcomed with open arms.

There is another thing that I had to take into consideration now that I am pregnant. School. At twenty-two years old, I am still a university student. I am scheduled to graduate within a year but that just means that I have two more semesters of school left. I would have to find a way to balance school and a baby simultaneously. Luckily for me, by the time I am ready to have the baby, I would have already completed the prerequisites required for me to graduate. I felt like everything would fall into place once this baby comes around. I was so excited about it all.

I wanted to tell my parents the news, but I also wanted to wait until my baby bump has started showing.

With that thought in mind, I figured that I would take a short nap. It was only Friday, and I did not have any classes today, so with a sound mind, I crawled into bed and fell asleep with ease.