007 Lingering guilt

***

~~Soren~~

Five years later……

I stand in front of the mirror, lost in thought.

A single white carnation lies on the table.

It's Lilah’s memorial and I feel empty, just like it's been in five years.

Five years of endless blame.

Five years of gnawing guilt.

I could've stopped her that night, run after her—- try to straighten things out.

But I didn't.

Delilah died. I let it happen.

I failed her.

It was all my fault.

Behind me, someone clears her throat.

I don't turn. I just stare into the mirror.

It's Ashley, clad in a tiny see- through strapless dress.

She steps closer, wrapping her arms around me, her face resting against my back. Her fingers trail lightly down my body till it gets to my lower abdomen.

I catch her in time and spin.

I put her hands off me and glared at her.

She frowns. “What Soren? I want you. I want us. Why do you keep doing this?”

I adjust my cufflinks without looking at her. “Now's not the time,”

“When is it ever going to be the time?!” She snaps, but goes cold as she spots the flower. She narrows her eyes to it. “It's Delilah… again, isn't it?”

I flip her the bird but stayed calm.

But Ashley won't let it go. “Why do you keep taking flowers to her? She's dead, buried and should be forgotten, Soren.”

My chest tightens and I snap my eyes to her. “It's her fifth memorial…”

“And so?” She cuts me short, face fierce in anger. “She's dead, dead…dead, Soren! Focus on me, us, June.” she says, eyes misting as she inches closer.

I take a step back, my voice firm as I assert. “First off, there's no us Ashley. Secondly, do not mention Lilah like that, she's my wife, and I can mourn her for as long as I deem fit. Now, June's fine. Don't bring her into this. If you need more money, tell me. I'll have Sam handle it,” 

She straightens, spine rigid, fingers brushing my chest. “Fine. That'll do.” She exhales slowly. “But still, you're not being fair. I'm here, Soren. I want us to work out, like family, you, me and our daughter,”

I roll my eyes so hard I'm surprised I don't sprain a muscle.

There she goes again.

I pull her hand off me. “Just so we're clear, you're only here because June wanted you to. Once she's healthier, you're out,”

Her face falls. “Why can't you forgive me, Soren? I've been asking for five years. I regret what I did. I want us together,”

I say nothing.

This endless back- and- forth?

I'm over it.

I loved Ashley. I really did, but not anymore.

I hold no grudge, we have a kid together and that's all it's ever going to be.

June insists she wants her mother.

She's a kid, she probably doesn't understand the…. complicated dynamic of our relationship yet.

She will, just soon enough.

I turn, grab the flower and head for the door. Halfway there, I stop, tilt my head slightly, and glance back at Ashley. “Let June know I'd be home for dinner,”

And with that I step out, slamming the door shut.

******

My phone rings and I reach for it.

It's Grandpa.

I take a deep breath.

“Soren….”

“Grandpa, I was going to call you–,”

“No you weren't. Look, enough of this isolation. L&S won't move forward with it. I forgive you for the failed project but I'll need you to stop by the house,”

It's not often that my grandpa calls me home, and when it does happen, it means it's extremely serious.

I swallow.

He's right. The deal with the Phanies went south but I do not intend to repeat same mistake.

Delilah’s death zoned me out from everything, myself, work, family…people.

I could barely think, function well.

I use to think I had absolute control over my emotions till the accident.

I became a different person, it scared me.

Cameron stepped in to handle things at the time but of course it flopped.

I took the blame for that.

But this Bsg project?

It's my sweat, several months of sleepless nights. I can't have Grandpa question it.

Alfred Lancaster, my grandfather has been the head of L&S. He renamed the company after I was born.

He was the most calculative businessman I had ever met. It was an honor to have him.

Everything changed when Grandpa appointed me as the next CEO over my father.

All hell went loose. It came as a shock to me, and felt like a pair of enormous shoes to fill.

Dad was furious. 

Rebecca hovered around grandpa.

They weren't fond of that decision, especially Rebecca, dad's wife.

But what can I say? 

What Alfred Lancaster says, stands. Even now I still can't tell why he did that.

He made dad the head of our other chain of businesses but not L&S.

That level of trust and recognition is what I can't jeopardize.

“I'll be on my way home,” I say and killed the call.

Sam walks in almost immediately, a file in hand.

He adjust his glasses. “I sent the money to Ms. Ashley as you requested,” he says, putting the file down.

I nod. “Please shift my next meeting, I'll be out for an hour, and tell Mario to get the car ready,”

Eden, the butler smiles and bows as he sees me, opening the door. “The chairman is waiting in his study,”

Inside, Grandpa is seated in her favorite armchair, a hot cup of tea on the table, glasses on and a newspaper in hand.

He straightens as I walked in, setting the newspaper aside.

“Sit, Soren. Tea or coffee?” He says with a smile that dies off clean.

I settled into the chair directly opposite him and shake my head. “I'm fine, Grandpa. I'm more worried about this meeting,”

He chuckled and takes a cautious sip from his teacup. “I don't remember being that scary,”

I blanch at that. He sees it and puts his cup down. “Fine. I see you're not in the mood for my jokes. I read the file Sam sent. And I must admit it's incredible even though it took me months to call. Bsg is powerful but….” 

My brows rose, eyes locked on him as I tense a little.

“I'm not totally convinced of the outcome and you know what that means,”

A lump forms and I swallow.

“Which is why I'm offering you a better approach.” He takes his cup back up and sip.

“What could that be?” 

“A need for a business consultant, Soren. No one's doubting your capability. Not me, not the board. But if we're doing Bsg, this is what you must do. It took me months to scout for the best and get her to work with us,”

He pulls a file from his desk and pushes it to me.

I take it and flip it open.

Dahlia Rhodes.

I turn to the next page, no picture, no id.

“She’s been in business for four years,”

I frown. “Four years? And you think she knows something I don't…?”

“You might want to turn to the next page,”

I do.

That's when my eyes lifts. Tons of achievements, she's led big well-known conglomerates to the top, owns a couple of businesses, all successful.

Impressive.

Super impressive.

But still.

A faceless brand.

Just a name, and a long list of achievements, really?

Grandpa clears his throat. “She'll be on board next week. And even more? She has agreed to meet in person. It'll be her first ever public appearance.”

A knot coils in my stomach.