Chapter 1 - Holly

“We need to go, gorgeous.” Nigel smiled as I looked up and made eye contact in the mirror. 

He looked exquisite in his tailored suit. On most days, Nigel sported a refined style, favoring slacks and crisp button-down shirts that embodied the dignified presence of a Gamma Guard. However, he raised the bar even higher for special occasions like tonight—the wedding of our Alpha and Luna. Nigel exuded charisma and confidence, wearing a fitted three-piece black suit accentuating his athletic frame. I couldn’t quite grasp why he would ever find me appealing. Even when he called me gorgeous, a part of me struggled to accept it. After years of embracing my identity as a tomboy and devoted warrior, I had yet to see myself as anything delicate or demure enough to deserve such praise.

“Unless you want to be late to Alpha’s wedding because I’d be happy to see that little black dress in a torn heap on the floor,” He smirked. 

I felt a surge of tension coursing through my body as I considered his proposition, squeezing my thighs together to quell the tumult of emotions swirling within me. At that moment, I was caught in a mental tug-of-war, weighing the consequences of either being late or skipping the wedding altogether. Alpha Logan and Luna Aurelia were held in high regard by all. They commanded both my loyalty and respect, yet our relationship was more of distant acquaintances than true friends.

The thought of arriving late or not attending a meticulously planned, invitation-only ceremony filled me with anxiety. It would undoubtedly cast a shadow over Nigel’s reputation as Gamma Sybille’s guard, especially considering that, lately, his attention had been devoted to Beta Sarael’s niece, Isis. If this were a gathering in honor of my birth pack’s Alpha Finn and Luna Lorna, my decision would be much easier — I would skip it without a second thought to steal away time with Nigel. Finn and I shared a bond forged in the carefree days of our childhood, and I knew he would understand and forgive me without hesitation.

But with Alpha Logan and Luna Aurelia, I wanted to be more considerate. They shared a palpable connection that seemed to radiate warmth; their affectionate glances and light touches were a testament to their bond. How could they possibly expect any other mated pair to behave differently? It was a delicate balance of duty and desire, and I teetered on the edge, longing to choose my heart over obligation.

“We will not be late for Alpha Logan’s wedding.” I sighed, slipping my heels on as I stood from the vanity.  

Turning to face him, I felt a rush of conflicting emotions, aware that my words were nothing but a facade. The air in the bedroom crackled with palpable sexual tension, making it impossible for me to walk away. I stepped forward, closing the distance between us, fingers slipping around the smooth fabric of his tie. With a playful yet deliberate tug, I drew him closer, watching as he obeyed the silent command, his lips eagerly seeking out mine. Each kiss ignited a whirlwind of sensations as if it were the first time—my heart raced, and the undeniable spark of our mate bond surged through me, setting a fire ablaze deep within my core.

“You can ravage me now, but no tear the dress.” I teased, licking my lips as I reached around my back to unzip the black lacey dress I’d chosen for the occasion. 

“As long as it’s off your body, I don’t care.” Nigel smiled, pulling me back to him as the dress slid off my body. 

I let out a soft sigh, the sound escaping my lips like a whispered secret. I always felt so delicate in Nigel’s arms, as if he held a fragile glass figurine that could break at any moment. There was an undeniable warmth in his embrace that wrapped around me like a cozy blanket, allowing me to shed the weight of my worries and insecurities. I felt safe, knowing I could let my guard down and embrace my vulnerability in his presence.

With a flutter of anticipation, I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing him closer, longing for the sweet taste of his kisses and the thrill of his touch that sent shivers down my spine. Each caress ignited a fire within me, a desire that made my heart race. But as I savored the moment, I slowly opened my eyes, hoping to find him still there, lost in our connection. Instead, an overwhelming emptiness greeted me; he was gone, and his warmth slipped away like sand through my fingers.

I stood enveloped in darkness, the world around me a formless void where no silhouette dared to emerge. The excruciating weight of the memory pressed down on me—the gnawing realization that we never made love that night, a night suffused with unfulfilled longing. I had never told Nigel to take me, to unleash the passion between us, all because I feared the repercussions of arriving late to Logan’s wedding. I had clung to the naive belief that time was on our side, that after the festivities, we would retreat home, free to surrender to our desires without restraint. But fate had other plans; instead, he followed Kurt and Isis to Silverclaw, courageously sacrificing himself to shield her from harm.

With a shuddering breath, I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, sinking to my knees on the cold, unforgiving ground. A mournful howl escaped my lips, reverberating through the silence as the anguish of Nigel’s death surged within me, as raw and painful as that fateful night. I am not one to weep easily, yet there I was, consumed by a tempest of grief, anger, and desolation, my tears flowing freely. Righteous fury coursed through my veins, directed at myself for not seizing that precious night or treating it as if it were our last together.

I was consumed by a deep, seething anger about our decision not to stay home. The weight of that choice pressed heavily on my chest. I directed my fury at Nigel, whose brave choice to go to war ultimately led to his untimely death. It felt like a cruel twist of fate. My frustration intensified towards Logan, who had assigned Nigel the dangerous task of protecting Isis, thrusting him into harm’s way. 

Then there was Isis herself; I grappled with the anger that surged within me because it was her life that my mate had sacrificed his own for. It felt unjust as if she somehow had the power to dictate his fate. My ire didn’t stop there. I turned it towards Kurt, a figure who had lingered in my mind for two agonizing years, waiting too long to get his life in order while I was left to deal with the aftermath of all this chaos. 

Finally, Noya. The bitterness I felt toward her was profound, as she had entirely taken Nigel from my life. Each person I was angry with represented a thread in the tapestry of grief and frustration that enveloped me, making it all the more difficult to find any sense of peace.  

“A life for a life. A mate for a mate.” A disembodied voice declared.

It wasn’t my wolf, Kira, who would ever utter words in that cold, detached manner. Despite the weakness that had crept into her spirit since Nigel’s death, I knew deep down that her heart was still fierce. Like me, she bore the raw wounds of losing Nigel and Leo, and her anger bubbled below the surface. I turned slowly, trying to pinpoint the source of the voice that had captured my attention, scanning the dimly lit surroundings for any sign of its origin. The air was tense, and I could feel Kira’s restlessness mirrored in my heart.

“I don’t care about Isis or Kurt! Neither of their lives was worth my Nigel!” I shouted in rage into the darkness.

“A life for a life. A mate for a mate.” The voice repeated.

“FUCK YOU!!!” I screamed, tears streaming down my face. “NO ONE’S LIFE WAS WORTH NIGELS!” I yelled myself hoarse.

“Mommy?” Samuel’s sweet voice gently called to me. 

The darkness’s grip slowly faded as I felt my son’s small, warm hand gently nudging my arm. I blinked my heavy eyelids open, struggling against the remnants of a haunting nightmare that had plagued my sleep. Cool tears trickled down my cheeks, their salty trails a testament to the emotional turmoil I’d just experienced. I turned over on my soft, worn pillow and found myself gazing at my son’s sweet, innocent face illuminated by the soft morning light filtering through the curtains.

His delicate yet strong features brought forth a whirlwind of emotions. Looking at him was like wielding a double-edged sword, for in him, I saw the unmistakable resemblance to his father. Images of Nigel from his childhood flooded my mind—photos I had studied countless times, endlessly comparing the two. Samuel was a perfect clone of him, with the same bright eyes and tousled hair that framed his sweet smile. 

Despite the love that swelled in my heart at the sight of my son, a bittersweet ache lingered just beneath the surface. I cherished each moment with Samuel, but the stark reminder of the man who had once dreamed of becoming a father, only to be robbed of that privilege, was almost too much to bear. In my son, I found joy and an immense loss for the future that would never come to be with Nigel by our side.

“Did you dream about Dad again?” Samuel asked, insightful as ever.

I smiled softly, tinged with a hint of melancholy, as I gazed at him before extending my arm from beneath the warm blankets to scoop up my pup, Samuel. As I pulled him into bed, his laughter bubbled like a gentle melody. We rolled to face the large window framing a stunning view of the glistening lake outside, framed by the delicate silhouettes of tall pines. 

With a contented sigh, I wrapped my arms around him, savoring the comforting weight of his small body against mine. As I buried my face in his hair, I inhaled deeply, taking in his unique scent—a delightful combination of zesty citrus from his shampoo and body wash mingled with the refreshing, earthy aroma of pine trees and crisp mountain air. Living in Star Lake had gifted us this enchanting scent, and each breath reminded me of the serene beauty surrounding us. I cherished that smell, which brought a sense of peace and belonging that warmed my heart.

“Mom.” Samuel let out a heavy sigh after a few moments of holding me close, the warmth of the blankets still cocooning us. “Alpha Finn sent for you.” 

His words felt like a splash of cold water, instantly dispelling the comfort I had wrapped around myself. I sighed deeply, throwing the covers back with a frustrated motion, allowing Samuel to slip away from my embrace. 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I questioned, sitting up and rubbing my weary eyes, hoping to chase away the remnants of tears.

“Because you were crying,” Samuel replied softly, his tone full of understanding. He wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug before climbing off my bed, the lingering scent of his youth and innocence filling the air. “Alpha Finn could wait.” 

A small smile tugged at my lips at his thoughtfulness. “Can I come with you to see him? I want to play with Isaiah and my cousins.” 

“Of course,” I agreed. “Just give me a moment to tidy up, and then we’ll take the boat over.”

What could Finn possibly want? It’s a rarity for him to summon me, especially now that his not-so-little brothers had settled into a domesticated life with their mate. Since Gunnar and Henrik discovered their perfect match and moved to Nebrodi to embrace their new lives, my role as the go-to for Finn’s emergencies has significantly diminished. I no longer found myself rushing to clean up the chaotic aftermath of their escapades. 

He might want to talk about the upcoming full moon—an always exciting event for newly shifted. Transitioning them into my rigorous wolf training sessions would be a crucial topic as we prepared for the inevitable transformation. However, an inexplicable feeling stirred in my stomach, a heaviness hinting at a more pressing matter. It gnawed at me, a grim shadow lingering from the nightmare Samuel had jolted me awake from earlier in the night. The unsettling images still danced on the fringes of my mind, making me question if Finn’s request was merely about logistics or if it hinted at something far more serious lurking beneath the surface.