Chapter 2 - Katie

“Hey, I knew I would find you down here.  Most of the staff go to either the rooftop garden or the park just outside the hospital, but you always come to the daycare.  I guess watching children has a way of calming you down.”  Dr. Smith pats me on my shoulder.

Without looking away from the kids, I mumble, “Something like that.”

He nudges me.  “Come on, our department has a meeting in five minutes.  You have to go back upstairs.”

Reluctantly, I tear my eyes off the kids and, while remaining silent, I turn and walk back up to my department. 

It is days like this that have me practically running to the daycare.  There is the one face which always manages to calm me down without having to do anything.  The only difference from what I remember is the precious boy has dimples, too. 

When I get back upstairs, I can’t even face the grief-stricken parents.  They are still sitting in the waiting area, and they are still crying.  I can’t image receiving the news your child is sick and may even die.  I think I would just crumble if I ever had to deal with something like that.  It doesn’t help I’m a doctor, and I have had to give the terrible news before.  If my son were ill, I would crumble to pieces.

As I enter the meeting room, several of the doctors look at me with sympathy.  They all know I get personally attached to my patients and can’t handle telling the parents bad news very well.  I know I need to work on it, but I can’t seem to get better at it no matter how many times I have to have the conversation.  From the side of the room, Shane flashes me a sympathetic look and motions for me.

I quickly shuffle over to him and sit down next to him.  Before he says anything, I simply state, “I’m fine.  Don’t worry about me.”

He sighs and softly replies, “You should have let me tell the parents the bad news.  You know you can ask me to do it for you whenever you need, right?”

“I know, but it isn’t fair to the parents to hand them off to another doctor just because I’m hurting, too.  Plus, what would the parents think of me if I have someone else come in and discuss the findings?  They may think I don’t know what I’m doing, and I can’t have the parents thinking that.  I want them to have confidence in me.”  I turn my head and stare out the nearby window. 

I wish I could go back home and see my friends.  I haven’t seen Evan and Izzy in six years.  I have occasionally talked to them on my phone whenever I turn it on, but I haven’t gone home, and I have never given them my address, so they don’t know where I live.  Knowing Evan, he would somehow find a way to track me down if he needed to.  I’m sure if Evan asked Wanda, she and her dad would be more than willing to track me down.  I haven’t made it easy, though. 

Granted, it wasn’t entirely my fault for moving so much, but I couldn’t help it.  I just moved last weekend again, but I don’t think I will move again or at least not anytime soon.  This time, I moved in with my friend Shane.  He has a big house with several extra rooms, and I was once again forced to move, so he insisted on me moving into his house.  Plus, he knows my most important secret and I don’t have to hide it from him, which really helps and was the deciding factor in agreeing to his offer. 

After moving in with him, he also found out another secret.  He discovered I’m still madly in love with Mark.  I was late for work one morning and he came into my room to wake me up.  He was instantly surprised by the number of pictures of Mark I have in my room.  If he didn’t know better, he would think I’m Mark’s stalker, but that isn’t true. 

I was so shocked when I woke up to see Shane staring at Mark’s pictures.  To my relief, he never once asked anything, but I’m sure he could put all the puzzle pieces together to know what had happened.  Shane is a very smart person and perfect in many ways.  However, he has terrible luck when it comes to dating.  He seems to be attracted to all the bad girls and gets burned.  I wish he could at least find a nice, sensible girl to date.

It has been six years and I’m sure Mark has completely forgotten about me and has moved on with his life.  When I talk to my friends, I don’t ever ask, and I stay away from his social media accounts.  I’m actually afraid of what I’ll see when I go there.  I know Evan could give me a rundown of everything Mark has done since I left, but I won’t ask.  Why ask about someone who can’t remember the best night of my life? 

I’m brought out of my thoughts as a middle-aged man, Dr. Nay, walks in.  “Okay, people.  Let’s get this meeting started.”

***

My shift is finally over, and I need something to give me some good vibes to counter all the bad things that I had to deal with today.  So, I stop at the grocery store to pick up some sweets to help brighten my mood, along with stuff for supper. 

For some reason tonight, the trip back to the house seems to be three times as long as it usually is.  I don’t know why, though. 

Without me realizing it, I pull my car into the parking lot next to a park.  I reach over and grab the small individual serving of ice cream out of the bag, along with a plastic spoon, and head over to a nearby park bench.  I feel like I’m in a fog, and I wonder when and how I can pull myself out of it.  It should get better as time goes by, but it isn’t.  I seem to get worse. 

As I sit down, I pull the top off the container.  Why did I buy this one?  Why do I always buy this one?  I usually like the container with crushed snickers candy bar more, but I always seem to grab the one with the KitKat candy bars in it instead. 

I dig a big scoop of ice cream out and slowly put it in my mouth as one lone tear runs down my face. 

How can I tell him?  He doesn’t even remember that night?  It isn’t fair I haven’t told him yet.  I need to tell him soon, but I can’t bring myself to call him.  I keep my old phone because he may call or text me one day and I don’t want to miss it. 

I go to dig another scoop of ice cream and there is none.  I look down, shocked, as I try to scrap the container to get just enough for another spoonful.  When did I eat all of it?  I guess it is time to go home then. 

I slowly get up and I toss my empty container in the trash can as I walk back to my car. 

As soon as I walk into the house, Shane comes around the corner and asks, “Did you stop somewhere again?”

I try to smile, but I’m sure he can see the sadness in my eyes.  “Yes.  Sorry.  I needed some time to think.  It has been a rough day today, and I was needing something to brighten it back up, but the ice cream didn’t do the trick.”

“ICE CREAM!!!   I WANT ICE CREAM!!!  MOMMY, DID YOU BRING ME SOME, TOO?”  A little naked boy comes running at me. 

I can’t help but to laugh, but why is he naked?  “Cass, baby, are you supposed to be in the tub taking a bath, or did you just decide you weren’t going to wear clothes anymore?”  I bend down and pick him up in my arms.

Shane can’t help but to laugh as he steps back so I can get to the kitchen. 

Casper looks at me with those big innocent eyes just like his father’s and whines, “I was going to take a bath until I hear mommy say she bought ice cream.”

With Casper on one hip, I manage to somehow put the grocery bags down on the kitchen counter without dropping anything.  “Baby, you know you aren’t to run through the house without clothes on.  Now let’s get you back to the tub and I’ll see if Uncle Shane can help you with your bath while I make supper for everyone.  Okay.”

He reluctantly nods in agreement but stops to whisper, “Ice cream?”

I glance over at Shane, and he scurries to the freezer and looks inside.  Without saying anything, he nods his head, letting me know there is some in the freezer.  I lovingly look down at my son and say, “If you behave yourself, take a bath and eat your supper, I will let you have some ice cream for dessert.”

Casper instantly pouts and gives me those big puppy dog eyes, just like his father.  “But mommy had ice cream before she had her meal.  I want to have it first, too.”

I shake my head no.  “Mommy is an adult and can do it.  However, Cass is still a child and you have to listen to your parents and Uncle Shane, so no ice cream before supper.  When you are an adult, you can choose to eat your dessert before your meal.”

My son pouts and crosses his arms over his chest as he snorts, “I bet dad would let me eat ice cream before supper.  Mommy, when is daddy coming?  You said he would come one day, but when?”

I instantly choke.  How can my baby be so smart? 

Suddenly, I’m fighting back those same tears I thought I had control of earlier.  I swallow hard and manage to stop the tears from falling. 

I softly coo, “Baby, your daddy is coming soon.  I’m not sure exactly when, but soon.  Okay.”

Casper nods his head okay, and I set him down.  As soon as his feet touch the carpeted floor, he is running off towards the bathroom.  I glance over at Shane and ask, “Do you mind helping him with his bath so I can fix supper?”

Shane walks over to me and pats my shoulder.  “Not a problem.”  He takes a few steps towards the bathroom, but then stops.  He turns back towards me. “You know you are going to have to tell Mark at some point he has a child.  That isn’t something you should keep from him.”

I sigh.  “I know, but how do you tell someone who was too drunk to remember the night he conceived his child?  He will never believe me.  I’m sure he doesn’t even remember.”  I look away as my heart twists.  Why couldn’t things have been different?   

“You may be surprised.  Personally, I don’t think he was drunk that night.  There is no way a drunk man could do some of the things he did if you were telling me the truth.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Mark not only remembers the night, but he has been trying to find you.”  Shane turns and walks to the bathroom as I hear Casper’s soft giggle. 

Shane’s wrong.  I know Mark was drunk and doesn’t remember.  I’m positive.