LOGINāBy God, litĀtle girl,ā Daddy says, āYouāre going to lisĀten to me!āI donāt think Iāve ever seen my stepĀ faĀther this anĀgry. I gulp and nod. Hell, I canāt even remember what I was talking about. His tone seems to reĀverĀberĀate through the air and itās scary as hell. On the other hand, itās also about the sexĀiĀest thing imagĀinĀable.He points to the couch and I go sit down. Iām acutely aware of the fact that Iām naked. I reĀmemĀber comĀing out and startĀing the conĀverāsaĀtion. I remember that he would screw me silly after I spoke.Now, all I can think about is his tone.He walks up and grabs a throw blanket from the chair. He hands it to me and suddenly Iām grateful as hell for it. I cover up and he says, āNo. It isnāt happening. I donāt know how but I learned to accept that you and I have a reĀlaĀtionĀship other peoĀple wonāt unĀderstand.I learned to accept that I donāt have any choice about lovĀing you. I also learned to accept that youāre an a
This is such a strange sitĀuĀaĀtion.I meanā¦I guess itās strange to reĀalĀize how⦠God, whatās the word?No. Thatās a bullshit question. I know exactly what the word is. Itās strange for me to realize how young I am. Itās strange for me to realĀize how this sitĀuĀaĀtion affects me.ReĀally, when I started all of this it had everything to do with gratĀitude for all Daddy did for my mom, for my family, and me. It also had a lot to do with feelĀing a very powerful and very intense sense of sadness for how he gave up his life for us.I mean, I had an idea that my role should be to comĀfort him.I had an idea that my role should be to give him an opĀporĀtuĀnity to reĀceive a meaĀsure of hapĀpiĀness and joy heās enĀtiĀtled to but doesnāt reĀceive now. It never really occurred to me that doing this would impact me.I mean, I guess I thought a litĀtle bit about what might happen if I didnāt like it. I guess I thought a litĀtle bit about how I might end up p
I donāt think Iāve ever been so damned exĀcited in my life. I guess I feel a little bit guilty. I mean, if I woke up with a mouth on me, even if I really wanted the guy, I think Iād probably be really freaked out. I guess it was all a perĀfect storm. Daddy, afĀter years of getĀting nothing and feeling lonely, couldnāt resist me as much as he wanted to.I donāt feel nearly as guilty about the way I went about seĀducĀing him asāwell, I guess until he sleeps with me it isnāt really seĀducĀing him. What I mean is, I feel a little bit guilty about getting him to accept a blowjob that he really didnāt want to accept. I feel a little bit bad about that. On the other hand, I feel pretty bad about something else.For four years, heās slept in the guest room and I only know about it now.For all this time heās just stoically accepted his fate and Iām so self-absorbed I donāt even reĀalĀize it until this very moment. I mean, thatās something that makes me feel very guilty
The moment I hear my stepfatherās voice on the phone, I realize I should keep walking. Iām not the kind of girl who eavesĀdrops at all.Iām the exact opposite kind of girl, actually. I can say with complete sincerity that I donāt intend to eavesdrop at all.āWeāve been over this,ā he says, āand Iām not leaving.āThat stops me. He says, āHang on. Iām finishing a project. Iām going to put you on speaker but can we change the subĀject?āI hear another voice. It sounds faĀmilĀiar. A manās voice. āKev, youāve already done more than anyone has a right to expect of anyone else. Why do you insist on holding on?āāI made a promise, Billy Boy,ā he says. Okay, itās his brother. Itās Uncle Billy. I like Uncle Billy. I only see him on holidays, but I like him. I donāt like what heās saying in the conversation, though.āKevin,ā he says, āyou know I love you. You know that. You were married for what, two weeks?āāThis subject is closed, man,ā he says, āLet it go.ā
By the time I get downstairs, Iām aware of every brush of my clothes against my skin. My breasts are too big for me to go out without a bra, so I feel naked even though Iām fully clothed. And I never leave the house without panties, so that only adds to it. As I enter the garage, I shiver. Daddy has the bay door open and the car running. He takes my backpack and puts it into the back of his SUV. āNice and warm for you inside the car,ā he says. With a nod, I hurry and climb into the passenger seat. The seat is already warm, as is the air blowing over me. Daddy gets into the driverās seat, buckles in, and backs out. Before weāre even at the end of our block, heās reaching over and pulling my skirt higher. I shift against the seat, making the leather creak. āIāve been looking forward to our secret Daddy time,ā he says. āMe too. I⦠I had to keep my hand between my thighs almost all night.ā
āSo what happened?ā Mom asks.āHer head gasket blew,ā Daddy says.Mom shakes her head. āWhat does that mean?āāIt means her car is totaled.āMom blows out a breath. āWe werenāt planning on a new car.āāWe wonāt be buying a new car, not for the foreseeable future,ā Daddy says.āHow can we get around it? Pennyās schedule is so different from yours.āDaddy sends me a hard look, as if Iām being disciplined. I bite my lower lip because instead of making me scared or nervous, itās making me wet.āPenny will start waking up early and coming with me.āMom turns a surprised look in my direction. Iām not exactly a morning person. I have a habit of procrastinating, then studying late into the night and sleeping in.āYouāre going to go to school hours before your first class of the day?ā Mom asks.I shrug. āItāll be worth it. Iāll study before class and then hopefully go to bed earlier. Getting stuck on the side of the road freezing and being alo







