LOGIN“By God, little girl,” Daddy says, “You’re going to listen to me!”I don’t think I’ve ever seen my step father this angry. I gulp and nod. Hell, I can’t even remember what I was talking about. His tone seems to reverberate through the air and it’s scary as hell. On the other hand, it’s also about the sexiest thing imaginable.He points to the couch and I go sit down. I’m acutely aware of the fact that I’m naked. I remember coming out and starting the conver‐sation. I remember that he would screw me silly after I spoke.Now, all I can think about is his tone.He walks up and grabs a throw blanket from the chair. He hands it to me and suddenly I’m grateful as hell for it. I cover up and he says, “No. It isn’t happening. I don’t know how but I learned to accept that you and I have a relationship other people won’t understand.I learned to accept that I don’t have any choice about loving you. I also learned to accept that you’re an a
This is such a strange situation.I mean…I guess it’s strange to realize how… God, what’s the word?No. That’s a bullshit question. I know exactly what the word is. It’s strange for me to realize how young I am. It’s strange for me to realize how this situation affects me.Really, when I started all of this it had everything to do with gratitude for all Daddy did for my mom, for my family, and me. It also had a lot to do with feeling a very powerful and very intense sense of sadness for how he gave up his life for us.I mean, I had an idea that my role should be to comfort him.I had an idea that my role should be to give him an opportunity to receive a measure of happiness and joy he’s entitled to but doesn’t receive now. It never really occurred to me that doing this would impact me.I mean, I guess I thought a little bit about what might happen if I didn’t like it. I guess I thought a little bit about how I might end up p
I don’t think I’ve ever been so damned excited in my life. I guess I feel a little bit guilty. I mean, if I woke up with a mouth on me, even if I really wanted the guy, I think I’d probably be really freaked out. I guess it was all a perfect storm. Daddy, after years of getting nothing and feeling lonely, couldn’t resist me as much as he wanted to.I don’t feel nearly as guilty about the way I went about seducing him as—well, I guess until he sleeps with me it isn’t really seducing him. What I mean is, I feel a little bit guilty about getting him to accept a blowjob that he really didn’t want to accept. I feel a little bit bad about that. On the other hand, I feel pretty bad about something else.For four years, he’s slept in the guest room and I only know about it now.For all this time he’s just stoically accepted his fate and I’m so self-absorbed I don’t even realize it until this very moment. I mean, that’s something that makes me feel very guilty
The moment I hear my stepfather’s voice on the phone, I realize I should keep walking. I’m not the kind of girl who eavesdrops at all.I’m the exact opposite kind of girl, actually. I can say with complete sincerity that I don’t intend to eavesdrop at all.“We’ve been over this,” he says, “and I’m not leaving.”That stops me. He says, “Hang on. I’m finishing a project. I’m going to put you on speaker but can we change the subject?”I hear another voice. It sounds familiar. A man’s voice. “Kev, you’ve already done more than anyone has a right to expect of anyone else. Why do you insist on holding on?”“I made a promise, Billy Boy,” he says. Okay, it’s his brother. It’s Uncle Billy. I like Uncle Billy. I only see him on holidays, but I like him. I don’t like what he’s saying in the conversation, though.“Kevin,” he says, “you know I love you. You know that. You were married for what, two weeks?”“This subject is closed, man,” he says, “Let it go.”
By the time I get downstairs, I’m aware of every brush of my clothes against my skin. My breasts are too big for me to go out without a bra, so I feel naked even though I’m fully clothed. And I never leave the house without panties, so that only adds to it. As I enter the garage, I shiver. Daddy has the bay door open and the car running. He takes my backpack and puts it into the back of his SUV. “Nice and warm for you inside the car,” he says. With a nod, I hurry and climb into the passenger seat. The seat is already warm, as is the air blowing over me. Daddy gets into the driver’s seat, buckles in, and backs out. Before we’re even at the end of our block, he’s reaching over and pulling my skirt higher. I shift against the seat, making the leather creak. “I’ve been looking forward to our secret Daddy time,” he says. “Me too. I… I had to keep my hand between my thighs almost all night.”
“So what happened?” Mom asks.“Her head gasket blew,” Daddy says.Mom shakes her head. “What does that mean?”“It means her car is totaled.”Mom blows out a breath. “We weren’t planning on a new car.”“We won’t be buying a new car, not for the foreseeable future,” Daddy says.“How can we get around it? Penny’s schedule is so different from yours.”Daddy sends me a hard look, as if I’m being disciplined. I bite my lower lip because instead of making me scared or nervous, it’s making me wet.“Penny will start waking up early and coming with me.”Mom turns a surprised look in my direction. I’m not exactly a morning person. I have a habit of procrastinating, then studying late into the night and sleeping in.“You’re going to go to school hours before your first class of the day?” Mom asks.I shrug. “It’ll be worth it. I’ll study before class and then hopefully go to bed earlier. Getting stuck on the side of the road freezing and being alo







