LOGINI feel the robe come around my body and until I do, I donāt even realize how cold I am. The terrycloth comes over my body and rubs against my nipĀples, hard as hell from the cold. If not for the cold making me breathĀ less, I would let out a moan from the contact.āPrincess, what in the world are you doing?āāDaddy,ā I whisper, āIāve never seen snow.āāWhat do you mean? There was snow last year.āI nod as I look at the blur of white fallĀ ing over the backĀ yard. āI mean I never saw it fall. The few times itās snowed here, I always wake up in the morning and itās on the ground. I never actually saw it Āfall.āSuddenly, heās carĀryĀing me like a baby, cradling me in his arms as he walks me back into the house. He sets me down gently on the big, fluffy rug in front of the fireplace, which is empty at the moment.āYouāre going to sit and get warm,ā he says, āand you can watch the snow through the window.āA half hour later, though, Iām back on the
āYouāre wrong, you know,ā Daddy says.It seems a strange thing to say after weāve made up. It seems a parĀticĀuĀlarly strange thing to say while both of us are in bed, naked again. I feel instantly wary. I mean, afĀter sevĀeral months of a reĀlaātionĀ ship that alĀways has a level of tenseĀness to it simĀply beĀcause of its forĀbidĀden and taboo naĀture, this whole colĀ lege thing was our first fight.I hated that fight.I hate the thought that there will be another.I swallow hard and resolve not to fight. I even resolve to pretend not to be angry if I must. Softly, I ask, āYou donāt think I can get a good edĀuĀcaĀtion onĀline?āāThatās not what I mean, litĀtle girl,ā he says, ābut Iām still goĀing to hold you to your promise. You have to do the loĀcal classes, too.āāYes, Daddy,ā I say. So, what are we going to fight about? āBut⦠what am I⦠Why am I wrong?āāYou said you overheard me talking to my brother. You said you know I stayed here because I
Itās pretty damned strange to be certain Iām right and also to feel guilty at the same time. I mean, I am right! Itās utĀ ter bullĀ shit for him to think that he gets to be some suĀperĀman, the very picĀture of noĀble self-sacĀriĀfice, and I canāt make the kind of deĀ ciĀ sion peoĀple make evĀery damned day of the week. I understand very clearly why I beĀlieve I have the right to make this decision. I know very clearly why I donāt believe he has a right to tell me I canāt.I just donāt get why I still feel like Iām wrong.No, maybe Iām not feeling wrong. Maybe I just feel like Daddy has earned the right to get a pass.Yeah, thatās it.I get it now. Here I am demanding my rights when this man sacĀrificed evĀeryĀthing.Well, maybe this isnāt it.Damn it! What I need is advice. The terrible thing is thereās only one person on Earth I would trust to give me this advice, and that one person is the man whoās already made his opinion clear. In my shower in the
āBy God, litĀtle girl,ā Daddy says, āYouāre going to lisĀten to me!āI donāt think Iāve ever seen my stepĀ faĀther this anĀgry. I gulp and nod. Hell, I canāt even remember what I was talking about. His tone seems to reĀverĀberĀate through the air and itās scary as hell. On the other hand, itās also about the sexĀiĀest thing imagĀinĀable.He points to the couch and I go sit down. Iām acutely aware of the fact that Iām naked. I reĀmemĀber comĀing out and startĀing the conĀverāsaĀtion. I remember that he would screw me silly after I spoke.Now, all I can think about is his tone.He walks up and grabs a throw blanket from the chair. He hands it to me and suddenly Iām grateful as hell for it. I cover up and he says, āNo. It isnāt happening. I donāt know how but I learned to accept that you and I have a reĀlaĀtionĀship other peoĀple wonāt unĀderstand.I learned to accept that I donāt have any choice about lovĀing you. I also learned to accept that youāre an a
This is such a strange sitĀuĀaĀtion.I meanā¦I guess itās strange to reĀalĀize how⦠God, whatās the word?No. Thatās a bullshit question. I know exactly what the word is. Itās strange for me to realize how young I am. Itās strange for me to realĀize how this sitĀuĀaĀtion affects me.ReĀally, when I started all of this it had everything to do with gratĀitude for all Daddy did for my mom, for my family, and me. It also had a lot to do with feelĀing a very powerful and very intense sense of sadness for how he gave up his life for us.I mean, I had an idea that my role should be to comĀfort him.I had an idea that my role should be to give him an opĀporĀtuĀnity to reĀceive a meaĀsure of hapĀpiĀness and joy heās enĀtiĀtled to but doesnāt reĀceive now. It never really occurred to me that doing this would impact me.I mean, I guess I thought a litĀtle bit about what might happen if I didnāt like it. I guess I thought a litĀtle bit about how I might end up p
I donāt think Iāve ever been so damned exĀcited in my life. I guess I feel a little bit guilty. I mean, if I woke up with a mouth on me, even if I really wanted the guy, I think Iād probably be really freaked out. I guess it was all a perĀfect storm. Daddy, afĀter years of getĀting nothing and feeling lonely, couldnāt resist me as much as he wanted to.I donāt feel nearly as guilty about the way I went about seĀducĀing him asāwell, I guess until he sleeps with me it isnāt really seĀducĀing him. What I mean is, I feel a little bit guilty about getting him to accept a blowjob that he really didnāt want to accept. I feel a little bit bad about that. On the other hand, I feel pretty bad about something else.For four years, heās slept in the guest room and I only know about it now.For all this time heās just stoically accepted his fate and Iām so self-absorbed I donāt even reĀalĀize it until this very moment. I mean, thatās something that makes me feel very guilty







