5

Chapter 5

"Daddy, money for offering" I asked my dad who was seated on the couch listening to a radio. 

"Are you talking to me? Have you seen me this morning?" He said eyeing me. 

"Ah! Sorry sir, good morning sir" I greeted him kneeling on both knees like a cultured Yoruba girl should. 

"Enehn, good morning. So what were you saying?"

"I was asking you for money to give for offering in church sir" I repeated again. 

"Wait, do I look like an ATM? So I should give you money to give your already rich pastor, abi? Before I open my eyes, oya vamoos!{Leave}" my dad snapped at me. 

That's my dad, the one person in the family that never goes to church, my dad was never an atheist but he never went to church and he never encouraged us to either, instead he discouraged us. 

He believed in Jesus Christ though but he didn't believe in the Pentecostal churches that are everywhere these days, he calls the churches 'husband and wife church'

He believed that those pastors were just business oriented and coercing us into dropping our money for them which in turn satisfies their selfish interests. 

My dad was always at home on Sundays while we go to church and he doesn't give us money either, we just try out luck each Sunday. 

My mum came out of her room at that moment, dressed in her newly purchased Ankara sewed as skirt and blouse. She was still struggling with getting her gele {head gear} right. 

Honestly, my mum looked gorgeous but with the way my dad was looking at her, I knew that he didn't think so. 

"Ahnahn, I thought gele {head gear} is not necessary in that your church so why have you decided to tie one today, did holy spirit touch your heart?" My dad said mocking the doctrines of our church as usual. 

"When you have finished talking, please let me know!" My mum said rudely as he focused on her image in the mirror that pamilerin was holding out for her. 

"Emi lo n bawi yen o {is it me that you are talking to?} wait, I hope you have prepared my own breakfast before all these painting and contouring sha?"

"Daddy Jide, don't you have hands to cook, abi when did your hand become paralyzed? If you are hungry, you know where the kitchen is!" Mum snapped at him rudely. 

This only happens when dad crosses his boundaries or refused to give us money for cooking which was almost always but this time I was guessing that it was the first one. 

"Omo mi{my child}, how do I look jare?" My mum asked me adjusting her blouse and striking a pose.

"You look as gorgeous as always" I responded cleaning the smudged lipstick on the left side of her lip. 

"Tiwa, won't you go and dress up?" My dad asked me. 

"But I am dressed up already now!"

I wonder why dad would even think that I was not dressed up with all my makeup and heels, that man jokes a lot.

"Eh! Dressed up in trousers? Wonders shall never end!" My dad exclaimed. 

Wait for it, he would venture into 'during our own days'... 

"In our own days..." What did I tell you? 

"The females dare not let the pastors see them in trousers even outside the church not to talk of in the church. What is our today churches turning into? Meanwhile, don't you think that backside of yours would distract the pastor abi you think he can't be tempted?" My dad concluded. 

How many people have such an embarrassing dad like mine?! 

Meanwhile, before you start thinking that I had a very big backside or something, my dear, I didn't even have any, my butt was as flat as a notebook. 

Dad just takes pleasure in mocking me. 

"The day your bombom will come out is the day our electricity will become stable which is never!" My dad remarked laughing as mum and Pamilerin joined him. 

I have a crazy family but I love them anyways. 

I didn't take after my mum in being endowed and all that, I had a flat behind and nothing to call breasts on my chest, I was the only female in my family with such a look. 

My elder sister was very endowed like my mum and my younger sister at her age has small visible breasts and butt bigger than mine would ever be. 

I must have offended the goddess of endowment. If not for my feminine look, you would mistake me for a boy. 

"Tiwa, did you take my eyeliner here?!" Tomiwa shouted from her room while my dad just shook his head. 

He must have given up on correcting us to stop shouting in his house like village girls.

But then are we city girls? 

Meanwhile, Tomiwa was never on time for anything, she always says that a beautiful girl should always be fashionably late! 

Who ever told her that she was beautiful was mad! That girl loved giving herself hope. 

"No o! I didn't enter your room today!" I shouted back. 

"Okay, I've seen it" She said calmly such that I could hardly hear her but I heard anyway. 

Typical Tomiwa, she never looks carefully for her stuffs before concluding that it had been taken or even stolen as if she kept a thief in the house. 

"Tomiwa, make sure you cook yam and egg for your daddy before coming to church o. It's not like you won't be late anyway" Mum said after grabbing her car keys from the bookshelf. 

I heard sister Tomiwa grumble in her room while I just smiled, next time she'd be fast. 

I grabbed my white bag in the couch and rushed out following mummy with Pamilerin on my tail while my heels clacked noisily under my feet with the tiles exaggerating the sound.

"Sha don't break my tiles for me!" I heard dad say as I got into mum's red car. 

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