Chapter 1

TRISTAN

What am I doing here?

I've asked myself this question a million times. I don't have any answer. I look around the gay bar, my eyes darting towards every corner. This is the biggest gay bar in New York City and for coming here…. Well, I think I'm losing my mind.

‘Listen Tristan, I like you, but I don't feel the connection between us. Can we break up?’ The break up part didn't get to me until she said, ‘Maybe you should try visiting a gay bar.’

I scoff at the memory. Why the fuck did I listen to her and come to the gay bar one week after our break up. What makes me think that I'm gay? Yeah, I always steal glances at my teammates naked body. But that was it. I don't feel attracted to them.

Yeah?

Fuck! Whatever. I mean they are handsome and it's not bad to check out a handsome man. That does not mean I want to do anything sexual with them. Unless it was him.

Fuck! Why am I thinking about that fucker. I will rather drown in the red sea than have any sexual game with him.

I'm not homophobic. Nothing is wrong with being gay. My parents are not homophobic too. My cousin brother who was raised by my parents is gay and my parents are his number one supporters.

But I refuse to be one because of him. I will never accept that he's the one that made me start realizing that men could be handsome and attractive. How can I put it…… he's my gay awakening?

No! Never! I lived for years fucking women and I love it. Maybe I do or maybe not?

It doesn't matter. It also doesn't matter that none of my past relationships has ever lasted for one year. They end up leaving and their words are always ‘There's no connection.’ I mean what else do they want? I always try my best to make it work.

I don't know what I'm doing here but I'm too drunk to figure that out. The only thing I know is that I'm not gay and I will never be one. I will never give that fucker the satisfaction of being the one who makes me discover my sexuality.

It's been three years I've not seen him and yes my life is peaceful. I no longer have to see that handsome face of his or his annoying smirk. I don't even know why he's loved by many. In college, he's always the star. The best student with no bad reputation. In games, he always leads his team to victory. No matter how hard I tried to beat him, I couldn't. I ended up hating him. Well, it's not bad to hate your rival who always smiles at you as if things are okay between you two.

The first day I met him was him stealing the spotlight from me. He solved a problem I couldn't solve. I'm used to attention being on me. In high school, I'm the best student but in college, a total stranger stole it from me. I know it's childish but I hated him for it. He also stole the first girlfriend I had in college and for that, I think I have every reason to hate him.

“Hi handsome.” a slurry voice cooed beside me. I don't bother to look at him. I know whatever I will see in his eyes is lust. This is not the first man that has approached me since I entered the bar, but I turned them all down. I'm not here to have sex with anyone.

I'm just here….. well, I don't know why I'm here. Maybe it is to prove Maya wrong and prove myself right. I'm not gay. I will prove it by leaving here tonight without kissing or sleeping with any man.

“Let me buy you a drink,” the man continues to push his luck. I don't pay him any attention. My eyes wander through the bar and land on a pair of green eyes. I gulp down. How drunk can I be that I'm seeing things now?

That's a pair of green eyes I will never forget. They even hunt me in my dreams. That's how much I hate them. But these particular green eyes can't belong to him, right?

What can he be doing in a gay bar? He's straight or bi? I heard he fuck guys too. But still, he doesn't look like someone who will be in a place like this.

From where he's sitting I can't see his face clearly, so I don't know if it is him or not. But those pairs of green eyes are something I can recognize anywhere any day. They always stare into my soul. Even from a distance, I can feel the intensity of his gaze.

My eyes are fixed on him. I can't even blink. I'm mesmerized. It's as if I'm in another world where only him exists. I don't hear or see anything else except him. I think I'm too drunk. Yes, this is all because of the alcohol. I'm definitely not losing my mind.

After what seems like forever, he breaks eye contact. I don't know why that twisted something in my stomach. I don't like it. I want him to stare at me. I want him to pay attention only to me. I watch him place his phone on his right ear as he stands up and walks through the back door.

“Where are you going handsome? Why are you not paying me any attention.” I don't realize that I've stood up to go after him until the man sitting beside me says something. I've even forgotten that he's here.

“I'm sorry, you are not my type.” I know that's harsh but I don't think I'm in a good state of mind to think about something that is harsh or mild.

I walk through the back door that he disappeared into. That leads to the restroom. I'm about to open the restroom door when it opens and I bump into a hard chest. I lose my footing about to fall but a strong arm wraps around my waist. I gasp as I close my eyes tight. I realize I didn't fall. I'm safe. I slowly open my eyes and I'm met with those pairs of green eyes, so close that I can see the freckles of yellow in them.

I gulp down as I study his face. For the four years I spent in college with him, this is the first time I'm being this close to him. That's because I always avoid any contact with him.

I'm so close to him right now that I can make out the contour of his face. His enchanting eyes, his pointed nose, sharp jawline, plump lips that I want to bite. His tan skin that even glistens in the dark. His brown hair looks so soft. I want to run my fingers through it.

“Are you mesmerized by me, Reed?” His manly voice cut through my intense thought. That's when I realized that I'm staring at his lips as if I wanted to eat it whole.