Chapter 4

RYAN

The only thing that has kept me going for years is alcohol and weed. My parents tried everything to stop me from taking them. I laughed at their fake concern. They were the reason I started taking those in the first place. They are shit. The worst parents one can ever ask for. All they ever care about is themselves, reputation and power.

And for me, I'm just someone they give birth to turn into their pawn. For years I don't think I've ever lived for myself. And the funny part is that I'm twenty five now. I'm rich and strong enough to break away from my parents but it seems that I will always be their puppet. I don't know how they managed to do it, but they make me feel that I owe them a lot and I belong to them. I will give it to them because they gave birth to something they can control. And no matter how hard I try, I will never break away from the shackles they wrapped around me.

Just like now, they want me to marry a girl I know nothing about and I accepted. Well, it doesn't matter because marriage to me will always be a business. There's nothing like love in marriage. And love is not something I can ever feel. Maybe I can feel ‘want’ because there's someone I want so badly.

I have never in my life wanted something the way I want him. I told the therapist my parents forced me to see about it and she said it's not healthy. Well, that's who I am. I don't do healthy things.

I don't know what it is about those blue eyes but it always captivates me when I look into them. And it turns into an infatuation. The more he channels his hate towards, the more I want him. I love defiance.

For the past three years after college, I thought it was enough to make me forget about my infatuation with him, not until he walked into that bar. I watched him for close to an hour, having the urge to kill all the fuckers that approached him before he even noticed my presence.

Yes, I've always wanted to do bad things to him but that night, he looked so irresistible. Maybe it was the alcohol in my system but I wanted to fuck him. He's someone I've wanted for years, but I knew I couldn't have him. He's too pure for me. I don't want to taint him with my demons. They will destroy him. But that night, I couldn't fight my demons. I couldn't resist him.

After my dad dropped the news of my marriage, I came to the bar to get drunk and fuck anything I see. At least, they help me to stop thinking about those blue. I'm bi, but for years now after meeting him, I don't think I've fucked a girl. I fucked guys imagining them to be him, but unfortunately none of them has those captivating blue eyes that's so clear like the waters in the ocean.

No matter how many guys I fuck, it will always be him I want. And seeing him in that bar looking incredibly handsome, I couldn't resist him. My demons screamed at me, they wanted him. They want him more than anything. I resisted. I fought them, but when he followed me to the rest room. I couldn't anymore. I obliged.

I always thought he was straight. I didn't expect him to come to the gay bar. And suddenly jealousy flooded me. What if he's just discovering his new sexuality and he came to the bar to fuck a stranger to confirm it. At that moment I want to snap the neck of anyone that touches him.

He's mine!

When I kissed him and got on my knees and sucked his dick, I knew there's no going back anymore. I've always wanted to taste him and finally having a taste of him, I think I'm intoxicated. Or maybe addicted. It was okay when I haven't had a taste of him, but now that I do I don't think I will ever be the same again. I don't even think I will fuck another guy thinking it's him. What I want now is no one but him. And I will have him. My demons won't be able to hold back anymore since they have tasted the forbidden fruit.

Today, I'm meeting the family of my bride to be. I stand in front of the mirror looking at my reflection. I don't know what others see when they look at the mirror, but I see nothing.

My phone beeps and I check the message. It's from my personal investigator who I asked to find out where Tristan is living and what he has been up to for the past three years. He sent me the address of his home and said that he will drop other information later. I smirk as I stare at my phone screen. He can run all he wants, but he won't escape me.

“Ryan,” I hear my mum call. I pocket my phone and walk into the bedroom. She's in a red dress that stops above her knee, with a red heel. Her lips coated with a red lipstick moves up in a smile I will always believe is fake. She wants me to think that she loves me. That's her way of keeping me as her puppet.

“You look handsome my boy,” she says and kisses my forehead. I hate that gesture but of course I can't stop it. To others, it's just a mother who adores her child giving him a peck on the forehead but I know more than that.

“Smile Ryan. They are arriving soon. Make sure you smile in front of them.”

I don't say anything. I never do. All I ever do is always listen and do what she wants. What she and dad want.

She palms my cheeks as she smiles. She always smiles but I know what she is behind those smiles. “Come down soon and be happy. I love you.”

I know you don't.

She gave me one more smile before leaving my room. I take in a deep breath and walk back into the walk-in closet. I picked my favorite watch. This is the only watch I ever wear. It's funny how I have a lot of watches, all gifted to me by my parents, but only wear that one watch. It's the only thing that makes me feel that he's still here with me.

I walk downstairs and the guests are just arriving. My parents are welcoming them. I can see the couple but I don't see their daughter with them. If she's not here, why am I here? And why does the woman have the same eyes as Tristan? His eyes are one of a kind, so it's rare to see someone that has the exact same blue eyes as his. And there's a little bit of resemblance too.

“Ehm…. I can't see your daughter,” mum says with her fake smile as she looks past the couple towards the entrance door.

The woman looks nervous as she fidget. The man smiles awkwardly. “Well, the thing is that….. there will be a change in the arrangement.”

“What do you mean?” dad asks. His voice is stoic as always.

“Ehm…. My daughter…. She's not ready for marriage. She's still very young. She still has school and stuff.”

“But we talked about that. We are not going to stop her from going to school,” mum cuts in.

“Yeah we do but…..” he pauses as he takes a deep breath. “Instead of my daughter, why don't my son marry yours.”

What the fuck.

I smirk. This is getting interesting. Well, my parents won't have a problem with me marrying a guy. My grandparents were gay. They love each other so much that when my grandpapa died, my granddad couldn't bear the pain and died after a few weeks. I actually miss them. Life was a bit better when they were with us.

“That isn't our agreement, you know that….”

“It's okay.” Mum cuts dad off. “Whether your daughter or son, it's okay. You just know what you have to do. Right, Mr. Reed?”

Reed? Isn't that Tristan's last name?

“Yes.” Mr. Reed mutters.

“So where's your son?” Dad asked.

“He's…..”

His words hang in the air as the front door pulls open and a young man walks in. No, it's not just a young man but a freaking handsome young man. A man that has always hated me and I kissed and sucked him off last night.

I couldn't control the smirk that spreads on my lips as Tristan walks in. This is getting so freaking interesting. He freezes when our eyes meet. His beautiful eyes widened in shock. He looks cute.

I can imagine the thoughts running through his mind. I'm sure he thought we would never meet again after last night. Oh what a fucking freaking fate! There's no escape from me now.