Chapter 2

Vivian

I didn’t move when I parked. My hands stayed wrapped around the steering wheel, knuckles tight, like letting go would make the moment real. The hospital doors slid open and shut ahead of me, people walking in and out like it was the easiest thing in the world. For me, it wasn’t.

My chest felt heavy, and my thoughts wouldn’t stop. I kept wondering what Dad’s face would look like when he saw me. Would he even smile? Or would it be that same cold look he had the day I left? The one that told me I’d disappointed him more than I could ever fix.

“Mom… are we going in?” Marvel’s voice was soft from the passenger seat.

I turned to him and tried to smile, but it felt weak. He had no idea the storm in my head. No idea how badly I wanted Dad to look at him and knowjust know without me having to explain everything.

I took a deep breath and reached for the door handle. “Yeah… we’re going.”

The smell of the hospital hit me the moment I stepped out of the car, sharp and clean, and it made me feel like I was walking into something I couldn’t undo.

I walked into the hospital holding Marvel's hand, and finally found the ward where my dad was staying. As expected, before we could say a word, the moment our eyes met, he yelled us out of the ward.

Looking at Marvel's horrified eyes, I could only sneer: "That's your grandpa, Marvel, nice to meet him, huh?"

All those repeated reminders in the car on how to chat with grandpa were now useless.

I felt sorry for him.

I know, my dad strangely blames Marvel for my mistakes. Not that Marvel was a mistake. He just found a way to blame the fact that his perfect daughter wasn’t that perfect on an innocent child. Deep down, I still carry hope that my father will one day accept my son as his grandchild. I don’t want to, but I do. Because none of this was his fault. It was my fault.

There is nothing more I can do. I can only find the doctor to decide what to do next.

“There is no easy way to say this, Vivian. Lion is going to need at least a hundred days to rest, and he won’t be able to get out of bed during that period.” The doctor frowns. I’m wondering how the hell I’m going to deal with the medical expenses.

“What about a full-time nurse?” I hope and pray that it will be the solution, but the doctor shakes his head, dashing all my hopes. My mind races as the realization of the situation slowly starts to set in.

“We tried, Vivian. We tried convincing him to go to one of our care facilities, but he refused. Besides, a full-time nurse is going to cost far more than he has available.” The doctor shrugs.

Okay, so I have to deal with a bill I can't afford for someone who doesn't want to see me and my boy. The irony stung sharper than I expected. I escaped this place for a reason. Now here I was, being dragged back in by duty — or guilt. Or maybe both. I really want to slap myself right now.

Fortunately, as I scan through the bill, I realize that my father has already spent quite a lot to try and settle it all. But if we insist on staying to take care of my dad, then I will have to find a new job to cope with the various living expenses that will arise. My bar owner will never agree to my 100-day leave. They can find a new waiter tomorrow.

And a new school for Marvel too. Could it be any worse?

Sure can, and it happened all at once.

When I led Marvel back to the ward dejectedly, trying to communicate with my dad again, a figure that flashed by in the corridor startled me.

God, are you kidding me? The person I least wanted to see appeared at the most unexpected time. My hands were shaking. Just seeing his face triggered memories I had buried years ago, a wildfire of shame, anger, and something far worse.

"Come on, boy." I grabbed Marvel's hand and turned him around.

I try to look calm for Marvel’s sake, but it’s becoming incredibly difficult to keep it all together.

“Mommy, who was that man?” Unexpectedly, Marvel suddenly asks. I stop walking and just look at him for a moment before we continue to the ward.

"What, what man?" I played dumb.

Marvel looked at me like I was dumb too. "Come on, that one, walked over there in the corridor."

I still played dumb: "Huh, I don't know who you're talking about. I don't see anyone familiar."

"Oh, I got it." Marvel actually winked at me, "Is it someone you dated before but don't want to admit it? I got that. I'm fine with it, don't worry about me. That just the adults’ thing, right?"

I was surprised at when this kid learned to speak in this accent, and it somewhat distracted me from my previous panic. Thank God for his humor. Even in moments like this, he reminded me what was worth protecting.

But I had to continue lying. Just in a different way. “No... He used to be in my school.” I give a perfunctory response, which is also true to some extent.

"Okay, if you say so, then so be it." Marvel turned his head back and followed me. After walking a few steps, he added: "He smells good."

"What?" I paused. "What smell? I don't smell it."

"It's a bit like the flowers you bought, lavender? Or something. It's not very heavy, maybe you just didn't notice it." He explained to me.

"Okay..." I wasn't sure how to continue this topic, so I chose to ignore it.

The chat was over, but I glanced at Marvel's profile and was lost in thought for a moment.

He looked a bit like him. Although I didn't want to admit it. The eyes, most similar, and the smile, with dimples.

Even though I don't want to see that asshole again, I still feel a little sorry that they can't meet. Not for his sake, but for Marvel’s. Every child deserves a complete story of where they came from, even if the story ends in tragedy But I just couldn't admit to Marvel that that was his dad. No courage. I lied to him a long time ago, saying that his dad was dead. You can't bring back the dead.

Besides, he didn't want me or this son at all.

A few days after I received his breakup text message, his family announced his engagement with another girl. It's been 6 years, and things have changed. Maybe he and that girl have two children now.

Stop. Why are you still thinking about this? Focus.

I took Marvel's hand and walked away from the ward. He shouted, "Where are we going? Aren't we going to see grandpa?"

"No. There are more important things to do right now."

"What?"

I looked at him, "Find a job."

Thankfully, in my old hometown, jobs are fairly easy to find and now that I have some experience, it should be even easier.

That is when I almost see it as a sign from the heavens above when I see the help-wanted poster in the window of the bar. I make my way inside and decide against the drink at first as I fill in my application.

Even more fortunately, the bar owner was a former classmate of mine. We were not familiar with each other, or we could say, not familiar at all, but at least we all knew there is a person with such a name in the school.

She offered me a job as a bartender. And he happened to know that I loved singing, so she also offered me a part-time job as a resident singer, as long as I was willing to accept a lower hourly wage. But there was no limit on tips, right?

“I have to admit that I haven’t sung in a long time. But I love to try. Thanks for your offer. I try my best to show my cheerfulness.

“Honey, I doubt that very much. It might take you a couple of tries just to get going, but I’m confident that you will be drawing the crowds soon enough. Come, let me introduce you to everyone, and then we can grab a drink at the bar.” My boss, Elsa, encouraged me. Oh, it was very touching.

We find a seat at the bar after she introduced me to the rest of the staff.

I’m about to refuse the drink when she insists and tells the bartender, Carl, to put it on her tab. And offered Marvel a free glass of lemon juice. She takes one sip and is called away before we can talk. I breathe a deep sigh of relief as I sit there and look at myself in the mirror behind all the bottles and wonder how I ended up here again.

The past couple of hours just happened so damn fast, that it still feels as if I’m dreaming all of it.

Here I am. Back to what I do best. Talking to new people about everything I used to know. I don't deny that I still love this town and if there is any chance, I will come back to this place. But how long will it last? I don't know.

Besides, there are reasons why I can't stay here. I have to think about Marvel. He deserves a happier life, and staying here may not be a good option. He needs more than just a strong mom. He needs peace. A clean slate. Something I never had.

What should I do?

My mind was filled with anxiety and irritability. Couldn’t think straight, and before I knew it, I had finished all the wine. Have to asked Carl for a refill.

Marvel seemed to be very curious about everything going on around him, but what he said made me confused. "They all smell good."

"Okay, we need to talk." I drunk another half a glass of wine, and the alcohol was on my brain, and my vision was a little blurry, and my voice didn't sound like a mommy. "Why do you keep smelling other people? I don't remember you doing this before. Who taught you?"

"No one." Marvel sniffed. "It's weird. I never realized I could smell so many things before."

I started to get a little worried and couldn't help but put my hand to his forehead and asked, "Are you sick?"

"No, I'm fine, Mommy." As he was speaking, his eyes suddenly lit up and he became excited. "Oh look, the smell I smelled in the hospital is back. This time it's stronger than last time."

"What?" I really couldn't understand what he was saying, but somehow, a bad feeling began to emerge.

"That's the smell of the man in the hospital. Over there." Marvel turned and pointed in the direction of the bar door.

"Oh, shit." I looked towards the door and sobered up instantly.

I know this town is small, but really? Twice in the same day? That can't be a coincidence.

What's more coincidental is that his eyes fell on me. Right now.

Is it too late to run now?