Chapter 5: No.

Sinclair POV

I feel the tears slipping down my cheeks again. I hate this. I’ve never held these kinds of feelings with any importance before, and now I can’t shake them. I can’t escape it. I feel trapped by it.

Mali feels the emptiness in my chest. She knows I’ve always been discarded. In the last four years, I have had a steady friendship with Kaia and Thalia. I wonder if it’s because I bring a skill set they need. If that skill set is left, would they still care about me?

I know Aric cares at least. I am not his priority, though. Poppy is his mate. He naturally would make her his priority. I would never try to insert myself into his family. I’m an extension of his family, but I can never become his priority.

When I reached the Blackstone border, the guards smiled and happily waved me through. That’s one thing I can say; I have garnered the respect of both packs. They look to me for strategy. They look to me for everything technical. If there is a problem with the mainframe, they have all the confidence in me to fix it. They rely on me, and in that sense, at least I’m wanted and respected.

I reached the pack house. Aiden and Thalia are waiting for me by the entrance. I park and get out, hugging them both. Thalia smells heavily of Aiden. Everyone knows what that means, and I don’t think either of them cares.

“About time! Want some help with your bag?” Thalia asked.

“No. I got it,” I said as I pulled out my things, including the garment bag.

Thalia’s eyes lit up. “Did you go shopping?”

I laughed. “With what time? No. Aric gifted me a dress and shoes for Adrian’s welcome party tomorrow.”

“That was nice of him,” Aiden said.

“Yeah. My first gift,” I said with a smile.

They both looked at me strangely. Then they looked at each other. Thalia spoke first. “You have never been given a gift?”

I shook my head.

Aiden also asked, “What about birthdays and Christmases?

I shrugged. “I grew up in the system. When I got out, I worked. I didn’t have friends until I met Thalia and Kaia. Even then, it was a work relationship. It shouldn’t surprise either of you.”

Aiden’s eyebrows furrowed, and Thalia’s face looked sober. I shook it off.

“I really want to shower and get some dinner. Plus, I want to turn in early tonight. I need to check the mainframes and run diagnostics in the morning,” I said as I walked through the pack doors.

They followed me quietly but didn’t say anything else afterward. From that moment, I went to my room, hung my dress, unpacked my things, and got into the steaming hot shower. I let the stress of the day’s work and the feeling of the day’s loneliness wash away from me. I imagine my life with a mom and dad. I imagine a life where I had friends and did normal things growing up, like shopping, going to movies, having sleepovers with my best friends, or slumber parties.

It’s a daydream from a time long past, and I know it is. I’m an adult, and I don’t get to do those things now. That time has come and gone. It’s okay, though. If I ever do find my mate, I hope to have a big family. I want all my kids to have every last thing I missed out on. That will bring me joy.

I don’t know what it would be like for me to be pregnant, but motherhood is something I’m starting to want in my life. Kaia and Thalia look so happy and fulfilled in their relationships and with their pups.

I don’t envy them, but seeing them so happy makes me want to know what that happiness feels like. Even if it’s for a day. I would treasure it and keep it with me.

After my shower, I get dressed and head to the dining hall. I eat dinner, catch up with everyone, and enjoy the noise. It fills the void, and I need that right now. Afterward, I go back to my room and change into my pajamas. I look in the mirror and remind myself how I am lacking any attractiveness, and then head to bed.

By morning, I am at full speed, checking mainframes, running diagnostics, and inspecting border equipment. The day soon became late afternoon, and I decided to go get ready for Adrian’s welcome party.

Mali is surprisingly excited. She paces and checks her tail in my mind. As I get in the shower to clean off the dust and grime from work, I ask her, ‘What’s got you so excited?’

‘Adrian’s party. I can’t wait to have some fun. I feel like tonight is going to be exactly what we need. A chance to relax.’

‘Yeah. It does sound nice, not having to work until late at night,’ I said, smiling.

I got out of the shower, dried off, and took the dress Aric gave me from the closet and slipped it on. I’m glad Kaia helped him choose the dress. She knows I like comfort. I put the shoes on. The heels are not high, but then again, I am used to sneakers, so these shoes are perfect.

When I look in the mirror, I see that the dress makes my body look more feminine. I look like a woman. Not a teenage girl in jeans and a T-shirt.

‘We clean up nice, Clair.’

I smiled at the reflection staring back at me. ‘Thanks, Mali.’

I decide to pick up my hair, half up and half down. I put on my mother’s keepsake. It’s the only jewelry I own. I don’t own any makeup, so I’m as dressed up as I can be.

“Well, this is as good as it’s going to get, Mali.”

I took a picture of myself in the mirror and sent it to Aric.

[Sinclair: The dress fit perfectly. Thank you, brother!]

[Brother: You look beautiful, sis. Have fun tonight!]

I smiled and put my phone away. I made my way downstairs to the dining hall. I haven’t been this dressed up since the Luna Ceremonies. Even then, I returned the dresses. I didn’t see a need to keep them. This dress, though, is mine. A gift. Not something someone can take from me.

I entered the dining hall, and Thalia spotted me. She came to me and hugged me. “You look great!”

I smiled proudly. Happy that this is from my brother. “Thank you.”

We all talked and waited for Adrian to arrive. Then Mali started pacing all over my head. She’s anxious. I almost feel like I need to go on defense. I stepped back from the crowd and immediately began surveying the room for threats.

When the door opens, Adrian walks in. His nose is in the air, and Mali stares directly at him.

“Mate,” I said in disbelief. Adrian is my mate.

He heard me, and then our eyes locked. His eyes are angry with a hint of terror.

“No.”