chapter 1

2 hours.

I sat there for. I sat there in my lace, rouge red Teddy with my garter sitting seductively on my bare thigh and in my black stiletto Christian Louboutin red bottom heels to match. My skin was glossy, moisturized from head to toe, almost patent but I was ready to glisten from the glow the orgasms he used to give me. I was ready for the lace to be ripped off my body, beyond repair, only to be left in my garter and my Louboutin's. I was ready to be ravished by the man who put that final ring on my finger only 5 years ago, today.

But that wasn't going to happen and I knew it. I waited and I waited, hoping he would walk through the doubles doors of the house we built together, eat the amazing 2-course meal I took hours to prepare for us and eventually have me for dessert. However, that dream died when I woke up, still in my ensemble, on the edge of our marital bed, in the dark of night. I was awoken by the sound of my husband's hearty laugh and someone else. I quickly wrapped my silk robe around my body and silently crept down our grand staircase.

What I was met with wasn't a surprise but it still chipped at my beating heart every time, I crossed my arms waiting for him to notice my presence but as per usual he didn't. His wedded hand held a fistful of her red hair, his favourite colour, he devoured her lips as she did his and I just stood there and watched. I felt a single tear fall down my cheek as that pain that I had anesthetized for such a long time finally woke up again. "Chase -" She said breathlessly as he trailed kisses down her neck to her shoulder.

"Cha - Chase your wife is here." She almost moaned as I felt bile form in my stomach, he slowly looked around at me. I couldn't even look into his eyes, I felt myself cover up my chest with the tiny silk material wrapped around me "Hey - hey baby, what are you doing up? I'm so sorry we woke you, I just wanted to spend tonight with my girlfriend, you can go back -"

"You asked her to be your girlfriend to - tonight?" I felt my voice break as I felt my lip quiver, his eyes grew wide as he placed his hands on the side of my arms "Baby, we - we spoke about this. You said you were okay with this, you were the one who wanted this open relationship so I wouldn't cheat -"

And there it was, the blame, the guilt, yeah it was my choice. Serves me right for thinking this would be different. I loved this man with everything in me, I loved him so much that I let him talk me into this arrangement but I never thought we would get to this point. He asked one of his connections to be his girlfriend, tonight.

I couldn't let her see me like this, so I fled to our room and slammed the door behind me. I felt my body slide down the door as my tears took over, I began to hit my head on the back of the door "Stupid, stupid, stupid." I whispered as my tears flooded my face, I soon heard loud footsteps rushing to the door, I felt a single thump as Chase banged the door "Please open the door, please beautiful."

That single word could have made me do anything, Chase always knew how to get me and with that one word, layered with enough love in his voice; he could have me in an instant. He called me beautiful at my lowest points, he made me feel beautiful when the person in the mirror didn't agree, he knew what cards to place and when.

And as much as I wanted to fight, my addiction to this man corrupted any common sense I had.

Sighing, I got up, unlocked the door, and pulled the double doors open. There unveiled my godlike, outer-worldly, beautiful figure of the man I chose to marry. The man, that when he lifted up his head to look at me, he would make my heart stop and forget how to breathe and that's exactly how I felt looking at him.

"Baby, I thought we talked about this. You understand that I love you with all of my heart right?" He stepped closer and lifted my chin up so I looked directly into those eyes I loved so much. "But then why am I not enough?"

He began to shake his head, he placed a soft kiss on my forehead "You are. Remember you knew I wasn't made for marriage sweety but because I loved you so much I gave it to you. Anything to put a smile on that beautiful face that I love so much." Why couldn't I see past the love in his eyes and really listen to what came out of his mouth? "But why tonight Chase? Why did you have to do it tonight?"

His face screamed confusion when he searched my eyes for answers, I yanked his hands away from my face, he didn't even remember. I walked away attempting to hide the lump in my throat "What's March 1st Chase?"

I looked directly into his eyes as his face went from confusion to horror and what I'd hoped was sorrow "Shit. Baby I - I, I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry, I can tell Luxe to go and we can have our night together." He pulled my hands into his and places light kisses on each finger. "I didn't tell you how beautiful you look tonight."

He came even closer as he towered over me, never taking his eyes off of mine. I felt his hands at the center of my robe as he pulled it open, he bit his lip as he looked at me hungrily and that was the look I couldn't get enough of. He slid his hands around my waist "You will always be number one. I promise." He said before slowly leaning down and kissing my lips, I wanted to fight this but I couldn't. I was so attached to his body, mind, and soul that I couldn't break away.

He had done me wrong so many times but my addiction to the thought of his love had me held in his grips so tight, I couldn't let go and he wouldn't let me go. "You will always be my number 1 beautiful, mine forever."

He whispered into my lips as they molded into one, he began to walk me backward, kicking the door closed as he got closer. It felt like he was my dance partner and he surely took the lead, every step he took I followed, his body had a way of instructing me without saying a word.

The lustful air around us had me weak in the knees as he peppered slow kisses from my cheeks down my neck, he nibbled at my sweet spot making my insides melt, he fluidly tugged his shirt off of his body without breaking our kisses. I felt our silk sheets connect with my skin as I sat back onto the bed, I lent back onto my elbows as he scanned over my body, he lent down to my feet and pulled my heels off placing delicate kisses along my leg until he reached my center.

I felt his fingers move my the material covering my soaking core and move it to the side, I instinctively dropped my head back as I felt a long swipe of his tongue along my slick folds. He knew about my love/hate relationship for teasing me but he took it upon himself to pull away, licking his lips in the process, he began unzipping his suit trousers, pulling himself out. He immediately thrust inside of me, thrust after thrust making me squirm beneath him.

His groans were intoxicating, I was crying out from the pleasure I felt in my aching core, he latched his lips over my unattended nipple whilst holding onto the other. I held onto his bare back, almost piercing his skin with how deep my nails dug, his strokes were fast and punishing, I was so close to exploding around him, I felt my pussy clench as my body began to tense.

"My one and only." I heard his voice bellow over my whimpers, I didn't know what it was but his words triggered me in a way that I couldn't comprehend, those 4 words made my heart ache as he plunged into me.

I felt a single tear fall down my cheek, I would never be his one and only but that's all I ever wanted from him so at that moment I allowed that one devastating tear to be a happy one.

My toes began to curl, my back was arching, I was about to see stars and reach my peak when I felt his seed thread through me and his erratic grunts as his body jerked. He collapsed onto me, after a few of his long breaths heated my neck I felt him lift up off of me and give me a quick peck on my lips "That was great babe. Now did I make up for the night we missed out on?"

And just like that, we were back to normalcy, back to my heart being constantly chewed at with his words and his even worse actions. I felt my eyes begin to pool with those same "happy" tears. Just like my body, he left my heart in pieces.

I nodded at him as I rolled the sheet around my exposed body, he started putting his clothes back on, once he was done he looked back at me once more "I will always love you, you know that right?" I tore away from his gaze, I tried my best to disguise my gesture as a blush and I'm pretty sure he didn't even care enough to notice how much I was hurting.

He turned around to head out of the door, "Where - where are you going? I thought -"

I thought wrong. "Luxe is still downstairs babe, it would be unfair for me to ask her to go home tonight as she drank a lot. We won't disturb you any longer tonight, I'll take her to my old apartment and let you rest. I'll see you in the morning." I didn't know what I expected from him, maybe just one night that we could be just us, back to the old us.