CHAPTER 57

In her head and heart, though, she had no desire to be with him sexually or otherwise, except as a friend. He wasn't Alex, nor was he the soft, curvy vision that she craved. She enjoyed burying her head between a pair of breasts, or hearing cute little moans while eating someone out. It was like eating tofu when she was perfectly capable of eating steak, so why settle?

And what would it mean for her? When she was alive, she knew who she was, and had the emotional scars to prove it. Years of coming to terms with her sexuality, and exploring a relationship with another woman, learning to take pride in owning her identity. Did sucking dick somehow make all of that go away?

"Is it because he isn't Alex, and you're afraid that he somehow threatens your identity and sexuality?" Lily slipped her arm around Dana's neck and slid down into the chair, shoving her over until they both fit.

"I hate it when you're blunt like that. But yes." She sighed. "I still have all my old feelings, but these new ones disagree with them. I feel like I'm in high school all over again, trying to figure out why the cheerleaders excite me more than the football players."

No sooner had the words left her mouth did Lily's outfit become a cheerleading uniform.

"So, I hear you're into sporty girls?" She winked, and then stuck out her tongue. "Here's something for you to consider; what is it hurting?"

"Excuse me?"

"What does it hurt? Wanting to suck his dick, maybe get laid. Like, why the inner struggle? Why not just roll with it? It seems to do wonders for your skin." She ran her fingers along the missing scars.

"I... don't know." She hung her head. Despite having all the time in the world at night, it was something she couldn't wrap her head around. When she had been killed by the necromancer Daryl, he had made certain that most of her emotions surrounding Alex were preserved in order to guarantee her obedience.

If Daryl had simply wiped her clean, and it was a matter of survival, then yes, it would be easy to just go with it. Very little would be complicated for her, and she could easily make the time to eat some spunk every few days. Any disgust or revulsion she may have once had would be dampened as it was now. In truth, it was easily the most delicious substance she had ever tasted.

However, every swallow felt like a betrayal. Not just a betrayal of Alex. She could live with having sex with Lily or Naia, because she knew that Alex would understand that she needed to move on. If she had never died, she would eventually have found someone anyway.

No, the betrayal that hurt the most was of the person she used to be. Alex had played such an important part in helping Dana discover and accept who she really was; which meant all of those feelings were still there, bleeding through every moment of the night and day and conflicting with the numb reality she now faced.

"Hey." Lily wiped her thumb across Dana's cheek, revealing moisture. "I didn't think you could cry."

"Until today, I didn't think that I still could." She leaned her head on Lily's shoulder. "I don't know who I am anymore, and it should hurt more than it does, and that scares me."

"Hey. You're you. That's all that should matter." Lily's voice was soft, and she put her arms around Dana's shoulder and pulled her tight against her. The cheerleading outfit was gone, replaced with the pajamas she had been wearing. The succubus rearranged the blanket until they were both properly under it. "And when you're not certain? I'll be here to remind you."

Dana moved her hand beneath the blanket, her fingers slipping between Lily's.

---

Lily disappeared in the early hours of the morning to, according to her, deal with the boogeyman, leaving Dana behind. The early hours were lonely, and she filled the time by messing around with the drone some more. Eventually, the sun came up and she wandered out of her lair to the world above. Naia sat in her fountain, her eyes on the back gate.

"Oh, good morning!" Naia did a little pirouette, then blew her a kiss.

"Hi." She looked at the gate. "What are you looking at?"

"Thought I heard something." The nymph sank into the fountain, her body disappearing beneath the water up to her shoulders. "It's been unusually quiet this morning. Everybody is busy getting ready to send Mike and Beth to the faerie realm."

"Really?" She replayed the memories in her head from last night. After helping Tink, she had rushed straight to the garage, caught up in her own head. "When are they leaving?"

"Tonight, when it gets dark, but I don't know the full details." She bobbed up and down, sending ripples through the water. "I hope he isn't gone for too long."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. He seems unusually lucky when it comes to stuff like this."

Naia laughed. "Trouble also sure does seem to find him."

Dana laughed, then went inside. Mike and the others were sitting around the table going over the details of his trip, but she noticed that there was no sign of Beth. After a few minutes of listening, she realized that none of the plans required her expertise, so wandered off to find something else to keep her busy.

The house still had some damage from yesterday, so she spent some time doing basic repairs. On more than one occasion, she found herself looking up at the third floor of the new addition.

From the outside, it had a dome-like structure with no windows, which meant it was going to be difficult to get inside. Replacing busted shingles and spackling over cracks became boring after several hours, and she decided to go check out the third floor door again.

A small squad of rats had been stationed outside the door. A couple of them were keeping watch, but the rest of them were playing a card game on the floor when she arrived.

"Seen anything interesting?" Dana asked.

The rats looked at the door, then back to her and shrugged.

The wall across from the door was patched up with some spare particle board and a thin layer of newly applied plaster around the edges. It was what she and Tink had finished the previous night, and was probably what the goblin would work on tomorrow if given a chance.