015

Bonnie

Lucian scored.

Not once but three good times.

When he scored the first goal, the crowd went insane. Then after the second, someone started a chant. By the third, the entire rink was stomping and shouting the same two syllables over and over...

"LOON-ie! LOON-ie! LOON-ie!"

Maya grabbed my arm. "Did they just..."

"Make a couple name out of Lucian and Bonnie? In like, thirty minutes?" I looked behind and stared at the sea of chanting students. "How did they even come up with that so fast?"

"I don't know but I love it." Maya was grinning so hard her face looked like it hurt. "Loonie. That's adorable like actually adorable."

"Don't."

"Lucian and Bonnie. Lucian and Bonnie," she sang.

"I hate you."

"You're literally blushing again."

I was. I could feel it, warm and stupid and completely out of my control. Beside me, Maya burst out laughing.

The game ended an hour later and the crowd spilled onto the ice and the bleachers emptied in a chaos of bodies and noise.

And then Lucian was there.

He'd barely made it off the ice. His helmet was off, hair plastered to his forehead, cheeks flushed from skating. He was wearing that stupid grin again, the crooked one, and before I could say anything...before I could even breathe...he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground.

I gasped as my feet left the floor.

"Lucian!"

"You came," he said into my hair. "I wasn't sure you would."

Then he put me down and immediately got awkward.

He stepped back, rubbed the back of his neck and looked everywhere but my face. His ears were really red.

"Sorry," he said. "That was...I shouldn't have...I didn't ask if you wanted a hug, I just-"

"It's fine," I said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He finally looked at me. Those beautiful blue eyes. God. "So, uh. The dedication thing. Was that...was that okay? I know it was a lot. My friends dared me and I was like, what's the worst that could happen, and then I did it and I was like, oh, that's the worst that could happen, but..."

"Lucian."

"Right...I'm talking way too much. Sorry."

I laughed. "It was okay. It was more than okay."

His whole face lit up like a switch had been flipped. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He rocked on his heels, then shoved his hands in his pockets, then took them out again. "Okay...cool...good. So. Here's the thing. I've asked you for your number like, six times."

"Six?"

"Six. Over the past two months. In chem. At the student council meeting. That time in the cafeteria when you were eating a bagel and I made a fool of myself."

I remembered that. He'd walked straight into a trash can. "You were very smooth that day."

"I'm never smooth. But that's not the point. The point is, you've never given it to me. And I was wondering if maybe..."

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone and handed it to him.

He stared at it. "Wait...Really?"

"Really."

"This isn't a prank?"

"Do I look like I prank people?"

He took the phone like it was made of glass and typed his number in. Texted himself so he'd have mine then handed it back with hands that were still shaking.

"That was the sixth time," he said softly. "I was starting to think I'd get to ten."

"Don't push it."

He grinned. "Okay. I won't. I'll be good. I'll be so good. You won't even recognize me."

I couldn't stop smiling my cheeks hurt but I didn't care.

"Hey," he said, stepping closer. "There's this thing on Friday. Nothing big. Just some people hanging out by the lake. If you wanted to come. With me. Not just with me, like, with the group, but also with me, like..."

"Lucian."

"Yeah?"

"I'll think about it."

"That's not a no."

"That's not a yes either."

"Yet," he said. "It's not a yes yet."

Someone cleared their throat behind me.

The sound hit my spine like ice water and I knew that throat and that sound.

Lucian looked over my shoulder and his whole posture shifted. Casual...Respectful. The way boys got around authority figures they didn't want to piss off.

"Hey, Professor Marcellus," he said as easy as anything. "I was just leaving."

Marcellus stood a few feet away, hands in his pockets and an unreadable face . He looked between me and Lucian like he was calculating something. Like he was subtracting one from the other and didn't like the remainder.

"Lucian," he said flatly. It wasn't a greeting more like an acknowledgement.

"Talk to you later, Bonnie?" Lucian was already backing away, grabbing his bag from the bench. "Nice outfit, by the way."

He winked as he said that then jogged off toward the locker room, helmet swinging from his hand, completely oblivious to the fact that my face was no longer flushed from laughter.

It was flushed from rage.

Red...hot and boiling.

I didn't look at Marcellus. I couldn't look at him. If I looked at him, I would scream. Or cry. Or throw up. Or all three.

"Bonnie..." he started.

I grabbed Maya's wrist so hard she yelped.

"We're leaving," I said.

"Bonnie, wait..."

But I was already walking so fast dagging Maya behind me, through the crowd, past the concession stand and out the double doors into the cold.

I didn't look back, didn't have to.

I could feel him watching. He always was.

Maya stumbled beside me, trying to keep up. "Okay, what just happened? One second you're getting winked at by the hottest guy in school, the next you're dragging me like we're fleeing a crime scene."

"Keep walking," I said through my teeth.

"Bonnie..."

"Please, Maya. Just keep walking."

The parking lot stretched out ahead of us, gray and frozen. My car was somewhere at the far end. I couldn't see it. I could barely see anything through the tears I was refusing to let fall.

He ruined it.

He always ruined everything.

One second of normal. One stupid, glittering second of feeling like a girl instead of a secret. And he had to show up. Had to clear his throat. Had to stand there in his perfect pressed shirt with his perfect blank face and remind me that I wasn't free.

I'd never be free.

And the worst part...the part that made my stomach twist and my throat close up...was that when Lucian winked at me, when he smiled and said nice outfit like it was the easiest thing in the world, I'd wanted to turn around.

Not to look at Lucian though but to see the look on Marcellus face.

To see if it bothered him.

I hated that. I hated myself for that. I hated the way my body still turned toward him like a flower towards rot.

Maya squeezed my hand. "You okay?"

No, I wanted to say. I'm not okay. I'm never going to be okay.

But instead, I just kept walking.