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My Trauma
Come here, baby...you know what you have to do...
Mama please, believe me!
You are a bad girl, Natalia... Stop telling lies!
Be a good obedient girl and this Won't hurt!
But it hurts! It hurts so much and I hate it!
Mama, he is hurting me when you are not around, he is making me do things like...
Shush! Don't ever say this again!
If you ever speak about this to your mom or anyone, I will have to punish you, now you don't want to be punished like last time, do you?
Mama, he used his cigarettes to..
What a filthy, lying, little shit you are! I told not to speak of this again!
Hush now, baby...
Mama, please make him stop!
You bitch! I don't want to see you again in my house! Get out! Get out!
You think this is over, baby girl?
Mama! Please stop, you are hurting me!
I don't want to see her! I swear i will kill her! The little skank! She is the reason!
It will never
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Why did this happen to us? right when I thought everything was finally going to be okay?Who is the one to blame?Is it us? Is it life?Can we blame it on life? Or was this entirely our own doing?But why us? And why you?The unanswered questions don’t linger for long, they fade away slowly into oblivion as if they never existed, and that scares me because they leave void and emptiness behind.The questions were painful, true, but I want them back, this void is much worse, it doesn’t cause me any pain, just numbness, random nihilism, nothing!I lift my heavy head and search the room I am in with my eyes, everything around me is either black or grey, I feel like I know this place but don’t know it in the same time, it is familiar in a way but completely new in another, I try to pinpoint the change that made me feel this way about this place, but I can’t, it feels as if I am looking at it with new eyes. I hear something in the back, it is noisy and disturbing but I can’t figure it out,
Hush, Baby Black Room
Where am I? I ask myself as I open my eyes in this strange…room, if I may call it that!A tomb would be a more befitting word thanks to these black walls, but unlike a tomb, this place is neither tight nor suffocating, it is quite spacious actually, the only flaw in it, besides the strange choice of color, is the roof, it is not only black but also low, lower than average that is, not to the point where I can’t stand tall on my feet though, it just feels closer I guess.The ground under me is black as well, as if made of perfectly sculpted obsidian, it is neither cold nor hot, and surprisingly not hard on my body, it feels as if I am laying on a mattress instead, not the fanciest but one which is decent enough to not give me sore muscles, what catches my attention though are the small little pattern engraved on the floor, they are beautiful, small, and unique, but above all, familiar, I don’t really recall where I have seen them before, nevertheless, they are really beautiful and I li
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“Calm down, Natalia! Focus on my voice!” I look at the doctor who came to stand in front of me, her blue eyes staring at me with concern, and in her glasses, I see the reflection of another woman!Scooting away from her, I back away using my hands until my back hits the wall, it is not the doctor who made me this scared though, it is the reflection I saw on her glasses, and the realization that came with it.That woman! With the black messy hair and a dead pale face was me! I was looking at myself and yet I didn’t recognize me! Seeing my state, the doctor returns to her earlier spot next to me and starts patting my back again, I want to thank her, to tell her how much I am grateful for this small gesture of hers, and that I don’t want to be left alone in this state I am in, but I don’t, I can’t, and I am in no state to care about my good manners while surrounded with these questions and ambiguity.“It is okay, Natalia, you are safe now!” it is not okay! How can she say that it is okay
Hush, Baby Traumatized
I place my hand on my knee, trying to force that annoying tremble to subside, it looks as if I am trying to dig a hole in the closed courtroom’s floor and I doubt anyone would be happy if I ruined the expensive-looking tiles.I try and take deep breaths, hoping it might calm me down but it is of no use whatsoever, I feel like I am about to faint, these last few days have been nothing but a tormenting vortex of questions and revelations that only lead to more questions.Seeing my uneasiness, Maisie, the nice doctor takes my hand in hers and offers me an encouraging smile which barely provides me with any encouragement, I return it nevertheless, out of gratitude toward her kindness and for being here for me today.Out of all the people in this city, Maisie happened to be my best friend and my ex-roommate, we even worked together in the same hospital, only that I was a nurse, it explains how good she has been treating me so far, she knows me better than anyone else, and therefore answered
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Fuck, why can’t I stop these tears?I try to wipe them away but they keep on falling like waterfalls, I try to calm down, take few breaths, squeeze all the tears out, but nothing seems to work.I give up on my attempts and look at that Williams guy with an angry face, drenched with tears and snot, yeah I really don't care right now, I am not bothered with my looks, I am bothered with the way he is looking at me! why in the hell is he looking at me like that? With those sad and pitiful eyes of his, I don’t want his pity, I want to know what he did to me.“We are still waiting for your answer, Mr. Williams, if you haven’t done anything to her, then why did she end up like this? And why did we find her in that state at your house?” Emma asked with a raised brow, a defiant look on her face, at first I am happy with her aggressive tone, it is so satisfying for my ears, however, I can't help but notice the way they are looking at each other, I don't know why but I feel like this isn't the fi
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