PAST

CHAPTER TWO

Julian stepped out, turned around, and wrapped Lila in a hug one last time before making his way towards the stairs, to our bedroom. Fortunately, they didn't see me as I was hidden by the dark. Confusion flooded my thoughts. What could possibly make Julian come out at 1 a.m. in the night to attend to Lila? And I've never seen them hug like that. As a matter of fact, I almost never saw them make body contact.

Shortly, I heard Julian’s voice from the room, calling out for me.

“Tes? Tes!” His voice came out panicky.

I quickly made it to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water, gulped it down, and stepped out. By the time I made it out of the kitchen, he was already making his way down the stairs, a huge frown appearing on his forehead.

The frown settled when his gaze landed on me.

“Tessa?” He jogged downstairs, making his way towards me. “Where were you? I was worried.”

“I-I came for water. My chest was tight again.”

“Oh, fuck me! I forgot to place the water by your side. I'm sorry, baby.” He placed a kiss on my forehead. “You should have called me.” I forced a smile and let him lead me back to our bedroom.

I asked no questions because what really was there to ask? Why were you hugging your cousin? What happened to Lila that she needed her cousin's comfort? Yeah, they are cousins. I'm just being paranoid. I should focus more on spending the rest of my days with my husband than being paranoid about the women he spends time with.

The next day, Julian was already in the kitchen, making breakfast. Lila was seated at the dining table, busy on her phone. She looked up when I walked in.

“Hi, Tessa!”

I returned the warm smile. “Hi, Lila. How was your night?”

“It was great.”

Julian turned around, also putting on a smile when I walked in.

“Hi, my love. You slept okay?”

I nodded and joined him by the stove.

“Hmm mm. No. Stay back.”

“Julian, it's fine—” I tried to protest.

“No, Tessa. You are not feeling well. Go and join Lila at the table. I'll bring your breakfast shortly.”

I smiled and joined Lila. Lila and I communicated warmly about a novel we had both read, and we also shared the same favourite character. The way Lila and I matched so well was insane. I tried to bury the ache in my heart when I remembered I would be leaving all this in three weeks. Tonight. Tonight, I'll tell them and ask them to send me off well.

I swallowed the tears that were threatening to spill.

When we were done with breakfast, Julian offered to drop Lila off, and he kissed me deeply, our wet lips making sounds in the living area before he left.

I headed back upstairs to prepare for a doctor's appointment so I could be admitted to the hospital and spend my last days there. But as I started taking the stairs, I noticed Lila’s bedroom door had been left open, so I stepped back down to shut it.

As I was about to close it, the sight of her untidy room grabbed my attention. I stepped in carefully and flicked on the switch.

Her bedpost was broken, the sheets were tangled, and her bra and panties lay on the floor carelessly. And the couch...

I stepped closer to confirm if I hadn't seen wrong.

A used condom.

What the hell? Lila had a boyfriend?

I looked around again, my gaze dropping on something that made me pause.

It was in the drawer of her bedside table. I pulled it out.

A sonogram.

Lila is pregnant? How?

Although my memory loss might be getting worse lately, I could never forget that day about two years ago. It was a few weeks after Lila came to stay with us. I was talking about having children with Julian during breakfast when suddenly, Lila got up and dashed out crying.

I was confused, so I asked Julian why she rushed out, and he had clearly said, “Lila can't bear children, so it's like a sore topic for her.”

I remembered feeling guilty and apologising several times. Can she bear children now? What changed? And if she sorted the issue out, why wouldn't she tell me or Julian?

That night, when Julian returned, I was so concerned that I asked him about it. He froze at first, the clothes he was folding hanging mid-air, then turned around slowly.

“Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you. Lila can now have children.”

“Seriously, Julian? How can you forget to tell me? This is good news!”

“Sorry. My mind has really been occupied with work.”

“But still, it's something so huge. Do you know how worried I was for her? So I was the only one in this house that didn't know about it? That's not fair, Julian!”

“I said I'm sorry.”

I let out a sigh, letting the frustration ease out bit by bit. How could they keep this from me?

“Okay. Who is the father?”

He paused, then said, “I don't know.”

I frowned. “Are you serious? You don't know who the father of the child is?”

“Yes. Lila wouldn't say,” he said casually as he kept folding the clothes Lila washed the previous afternoon, including his briefs.

“Lila wouldn't say? You are her brother. How could she not tell you about the father of her first child? Or are you lying to me again?”

He turned to me, my heart skipping when I saw that he was visibly pissed.

“You know, I think you're doing too much, Tessa. I know this is a sore topic for you, but it's none of your business.”

I got up, even though that made the breath in my lungs shorten.

“Yes, actually, you are right. It's a sore topic. I know how precious having your own child is, so I think it's careless not to know the father of your cousin's child. She is twenty-two, for God's sake!”

“Twenty-two is an adult. And I'm sure she can take care of herself and her child. You don't know about motherhood; you shouldn't be speaking on this.”

My heart shattered. I could hear it tearing apart into a million pieces. My eyes watered. How could Julian say this to me?

Immediately, he realized the statement he had uttered and looked at me, his eyes soft.

“My love, I'm so sorry.”

“No. You don't have to be. What's there to be sorry about? You are right.”

“No. Never.” He walked towards me and dropped down on his knees before me. “It was a slip of the tongue, I swear on my life. I never meant to hurt you.”

The tears spilled. The irony of him making me cry because of this issue when he was the one who wiped the tears from my face and made me smile again when it happened.

Eighteen months ago, in a fatal accident, I was rushed to the hospital and operated on. After recovery, the doctor had come to tell my husband and me that, “It was a miracle that she survived. And the operation wouldn't have gone through.” His next words made my head spin. “Sadly, we had to take out her womb, but if we hadn't done that, we would have lost her.”

I cried for hours, but Julian was beside me, saying sweet things to me and crying with me, saying if he hadn't signed the agreement to remove my womb, he would have lost me.

He bought me flowers. Bought my favourite meals and novels. Bought condos in my name in my favourite spot. When I finally smiled, it was when he sent me a letter:

“To the strongest woman I know. Thank you for being alive for me. Thank you for fighting. I don't know what I'd have done with myself if I lost you. I want you to know that I'm here for you whenever you need me. I'd never leave your side. The only thing that would ever succeed in taking me away from you is death. I love you with all my heart, Tessa.”