Chapter 1 The One Always Left Behind

After I got home, I followed my usual routine and sent the photo of the bill to our three-person group chat.

Nicole Joslin's reply popped up first. 'Ivan, this one's on me. Don't pay your share. Your family is having a hard time financially, so save your money for when college starts.'

Ivan Goldstein refused, and the two argued back and forth in the group chat. Not once did either of them ask where I had gone or why I had not waited for them.

…

Ten minutes later, Nicole messaged me privately. 'Don't pick such expensive restaurants next time. You know what Ivan's family situation is like.'

I replied sullenly, 'He was the one who picked the restaurant.'

I had actually hinted at the time that the trendy restaurant was not cheap and suggested we go somewhere else. Nicole had simply wrapped an arm around my waist and teased me, "You're not good at math, yet somehow you're pretty good at calculating prices."

After a short pause, Nicole replied, 'But you're always the one who eats the most.'

As if she had realized that sounded wrong, she quickly added, 'Don't be so dense. He's got a lot of pride. You should at least consider his feelings.'

But it was Ivan who had suggested splitting the bill in the first place.

I stared at the screen for a long time.

Whenever the three of us went out, the two of them could talk about everything from Olympiad math to Renaissance history, then somehow elevate the conversation from philosophy to their beliefs about life.

I was always left on the sidelines, with nothing to do but eat in silence. Nicole could notice how much I ate, yet she could not seem to notice how awkward and humiliated I felt sitting there.

Only after my eyes began to sting did I open the chat and reply, 'Got it.'

…

Ten minutes later, Ivan posted photos of the food from the restaurant. He even took a separate screenshot of Nicole's message tagging him. 'Thanks to someone in particular, I got to enjoy a free meal that looked and tasted amazing today.'

Nicole immediately liked the post.

…

At 5 p.m., Nicole came to find me.

Her eyes swept over my swollen, reddened eyes before she sighed and threw herself against my chest. "You disappeared without a word, yet you're playing the victim?"

I wanted to pull away, but my body instinctively leaned into her familiar touch.

Falling for Nicole was the bravest decision I had ever made, even though none of our classmates thought it was a good idea.

Her family lived directly above mine.

She was beautiful and brilliant. In elementary school and middle school, she always ranked first in the grade. Everyone who met her praised her as the kind of child other parents wished they had.

Meanwhile, I was the cautionary example the neighbors passed around. If Ivan had not tutored me, I might not even have made it into the same high school as Nicole.

My voice was still thick with tears. "Did you need something?"

"Here." Nicole held out a LEGO keychain she had made for me. "I made it to your liking."

I did not take it. My eyes fell instead on the LEGO character keychain hanging from her phone.

For her birthday, I had spent an entire week making LEGO characters of the two of us and asked her to hang it somewhere. She had called it childish and casually tossed it into a drawer. Since then, I had never seen her take it out again.

Nicole noticed where I was looking.

She lifted her phone and gave it a little wave. "Ivan said I'd bought him dinner, so he gave me this as a thank-you. I've got to admit, it's pretty cute."

As she spoke, she pressed the LEGO keychain into my palm. "I'm heading out. Ivan gave me another problem to solve today, and I don't want him beating me."

I reached out, wanting to stop her and talk about breaking up, but I grabbed nothing but air. Nicole was already tapping down the stairs and around the corner. All I could hear was her voice echoing back as she answered Ivan's call.

"Sure. If I lose, I'll put on a swimsuit and do a photoshoot with you!"

I stood frozen in place.

The silence around me was terrifying.

It was not until my mother came home and asked what was wrong that I finally opened my mouth. After struggling for a long moment, I said hoarsely, "Mom, I don't want to retake the exam anymore."