I'm Done Being My Dead Sister's Ghost

When the college admission letter arrived, several reporters showed up at our doorstep.

The moment Mom opened the door, numerous boom mics and cameras were shoved toward her.

"Are you the parent of the top scorer Jennifer Lockwood? Is going to college Jennifer's own decision?"

"Don't you think it's unfair to use Jennifer's future to make up for the regret of your late daughter?"

Hearing their questions sent my mother, Christine Hudson, into a frenzy. She shoved the reporters out and slammed the door.

Mom then dragged me to kneel before the memorial space dedicated to my older sister, Jenna Lockwood.

"Jennifer, did you deliberately call those reporters here? You're going to the college Jenna never got the chance to attend, and you still think that's unfair to you?"

As Mom brought the belt down on my back, I bit my lower lip until it bled.

My father, Jacob Lockwood, was so furious that he hurled his teacup. "Did you deliberately cheat your way to becoming the top scorer just to spite us? Jenna would have never done something like this!"

When I heard what Dad said, I felt so hopeless that all I could do was laugh.

In middle school, something finally clicked with my studies. For the first time in my life, I ranked first in the entire school, so I happily brought the news home.

But what greeted me was a brutal beating.

"Jenna always ranked in the middle of the class! How could you get high scores?"

To be like Jenna and avoid provoking my parents, I had deliberately learned how to score lower. But at the most important turning point of my life—the SATs—I decided to give it everything I had.

Unexpectedly, instead of celebrating my achievement, my parents secretly altered my application choices without my consent. Worse still, they also accused me of cheating my way to a high score.

At that moment, I straightened up and talked back to my parents for the first time. "I didn't cheat. Just because Jenna couldn't score well doesn't mean I can't either."

Mom, seemingly never expecting me to answer like that, choked on her saliva. She stood there stunned, then pointed at me and stammered, "You… You…"

Eventually, she chose to lock me inside Jenna's room before rushing to chase after the reporters.

"I'm going to officially report Jennifer for cheating on the SATs!"

As I listened to Mom's righteous voice from outside the door, I laughed until tears filled my eyes.

In the darkness, it felt as though Jenna's memorial portrait was watching me. When I was a child, I was made to kneel before her memorial and reflect on my mistakes. Every time, her portrait would scare me to tears.

Now, I just stared straight into Jenna's eyes and spoke softly.

"I really envy you. You've been gone for over 20 years, but Mom and Dad still love you this much. If I died, would they love me like that too?"

Jenna's portrait remained silent, only showing her carefree smile.

Whenever Jenna smiled, a deep dimple appeared on her right cheek. I didn't have one, which was why Mom never allowed me to smile in front of her.

Jenna had been an energetic person, and she always loved running outside to play when she had free time. To force me to spend more time outdoors, Mom tore up my books and snapped my paintbrushes in half. I wouldn't be allowed home until it was completely dark.

Even for birthdays, I could only celebrate Jenna's birthday. The cake was always the mango-flavored one she had loved when she was alive—even though I was allergic to mangoes.

When it was time to blow out the candles, Jenna's portrait was always placed right across from me. The only wish I was allowed to make was for Jenna to be happy and at peace wherever she was.

After 18 years of being Jenna's replacement, I no longer even knew who I truly was. What was the point of wondering if my parents could ever love me?

I had no idea how long I sat there in the darkness before the door was finally pushed open. Dad stood in the doorway, looking weary.

"Jennifer, go apologize to your mother."