0.2

Moments come and moments go, which leave a person in their most vulnerable period. That was me, months passed.

It hadn't been long since the passing of my father, when my mother fell ill and was admitted to the hospital. I felt alone, I was alone and everything seemed to be thrown at me.

I've never felt so vulnerable and confused, being unable to take control of a situation. I felt small against a big mountain, that needed me to dig down deep within and search for strength.

No matter what, I never gave up. I never wanted to because giving up at that time, meant that everything would be over.

Unfortunately, while I had battles to conquer, there was a witness. I don't know how, but William Myers became a witness and that alone became dangerous. The danger was not with him witnessing everything but with him involving himself in my life, when I clearly asked hikm to stay away.

Now things have gotten complicated.

Till today, I wish he was never present in that period of my life.

Now I'm stuck with him being part of the secrets I bear.

In conclusion of things, if I were to sum everything up, I would say a night of recklessness placed me in position of honouring a life long commitment, for a certain period of time. In secret, might I add.

No, I fell into a trap and I'm still grasping on straws, trying to get out.

Honesty has been something in which my mother has emphasized heavily on, because honesty is of importance to her. I believe I have failed in this aspect because I haven't been the most honest person around her. This knowledge has made me withdraw from having deep and long conversations with her.

Fear has gripped on me time and time again, because the possibility of mistakenly letting something slip is high at times.

If anything were to come out, I would be done for.

Things have been under control until recently. In my hearts of hearts, I wish that those rumours remain as just rumours.

Hearing Mrs Hudson, one of our neighbours, talk about everything and everyone, she's gathered information about, from where ever she came from, reminds me to be thankful about the turn of things in my life. Everything occurred out of sight from the people I know.

I have no doubt that my mother would have found out the most shocking thing I've done, and earned a heart attack over the exaggeration Mrs Hudson brings with her unconfirmed information. To Mrs Hudson, what she thinks she sees, whether it is what it seems or not, it's enough for her. It takes quite a lot of convincing and explaining, for her to be at your level of understanding and seeing things.

Till today, I find myself questioning how it is still possible for my mother to have so much patience for Mrs Hudson's visits. Her good nature has opened the door for many to turn our way. I can't say I blame them of course , my mother truly has a way of being welcoming, though sometimes strict yet when welcoming, one has an unforgettable experience.

As welcoming as she's been, no matter how many people thought the loss of my dad would have changed her, she still remained as she was. Though no doubt, hurts have made their way to our doorstep in the past. She's been hurt quite a lot in the past and to witness your parent, go through different phases of hurt and rollercoaster of emotions, has hit me hard.

After the passing of my dad, we've had each other, held onto each others hands with the promise of never letting go. Responsibility had instantly taken over, after the realization that my mother depends on me in some sense. Her not being as vocal about it has not made me notice less, the hints of her dependency on me and from then, I've never viewed it as me being the only one.

It had sunk in then, that I have people to look out for, no matter what. My mother not being the only one, but the same goes for my cousin sister, Lia. Being a year apart made no difference to the both of us, especially to Lia, whom through observation has a way of acting like she's older than I am. Those around us had taken note too.

We are both the only children to our parents and I believe through that, we grew much closer to each other and therefore seeing beyond being cousins but sisters. Referring to each other as sisters felt more real and wholesome to me than basically cousins.

It hurts yet again to admit, like it did with my mother that she is no exception to being kept in the dark. I have kept the same thing from her like I did with my mom. To be honest, she is the one who has tempted me to be more open to, than my mother. Her reaction to when I finally open up could go in so many ways, unlike my mother whose reaction I expect. I know for a fact she will most likely want to kill me.

Watching the night sky earlier, had me thinking a little too much and deeply so. I had not prepared for so much to go through my head and even trouble me a little bit. The most shocking I would have to say, was the feeling of being pushed a little too far by my emotions, that I did the last thing I promised myself I wouldn't do.

I almost made the call.

No, I did, but hung up at the sound of the familiar yet unfamiliar voice.

'Did I make a mistake?' I question myself.

"Milla?" I snap out of my thoughts and glance at mom, who not only has been staring at me, but with a frown too.

It makes me wonder whether I had missed something she said because I was thinking too much.

"Did you say something mom?" I ask.

" I was asking whether you heard about William or not?"

My heart stops for a few seconds before I breathe again.

'Not again.'

" Oh, Mrs Hudson left already?" I'm surprised that she's gone already but I'm also trying to change the subject.

" She left a while ago, but did you hear what I asked? William."

She won't give up, I fear.

"What about William?"

'Why must I hear about him again?'

" You don't know, do you?"

'I do, but I'm pretending not to.'

"Did you say something?"

" Nothing," I shake my head, dismissing the whole direction of where this conversation might turn to. " So, um, you were saying?"

She takes a moment, looking at me and that makes me slightly nervous. When she continues, I feel relieved.

"Well, Mrs Hudson heard -----"

I bet she is the one who brought the rumours concerning the Myers, to my mom.

" The Myers are throwing a get together, but we all know that it will be more than that, especially when it has to do with William." She says as she rises on her feet.

' Their Prince is making a return, ofcourse it will be big.'

I realise that I said all that out loud when my mother pulls to a stop.

" So you do know that he is returning?"

I shake my head. " It was a mere rumour until you said something."

I neither deny nor confirm.

" Anyway, from what I heard, the week might not end without him home."

' That soon?'

" Yes, that soon."

I definitely need to keep my thoughts to myself.

I shake my head a little, knocking off any other disturbing thoughts.

Glancing at mom, I find her no longer standing there. The shuffling sound coming from the kitchen, leads me there.

I now have a question of my own.

" Mom?" I call her from the doorway.

" Let's have tea." She suggests without even looking back at me.

" No thank you."

She carries on with whatever she's busy with.

" Mom?" I call her again, after a moment of silence.

" Hmm?"

" I won't make the same mistake again."

I leave her with those words, wanting to ease any possible concerns she might have.

'Why Now?' That's the question that comes to mind as I sit in my room, pondering over everything.

My breath hitches, when I hear my cellphone ring.

It's him again.

The urge to answer is not there, so I don't.

******

Days have passed yet the actual day, has neither been confirmed. Rumours at times could just remain as nothing more than rumours, then sometimes they turn out to be true.

It's a never ending series of what ifs, when it concerns rumors. I've done nothing to help myself, with the kind of thoughts I've had.

I've overwhelmed myself with concern, of events that have not even happened, but it feels like they have.

I have not been myself, the feeling is real and present, enough for Lia to take notice.

She's questioned me on how I am doing, so many times today, especially today.

I can't exactly blame her for being curious. The rumours, the possibility of seeing him again has brought everything back. Everything I've tried to put behind me and forget about, is about to state me right in the face once more. I'm reminded of what I've done and why I might just be the reason that my mother ends up in hospital.

Refusing to accompany Lia to her friend's sister's wedding, would have not worked. Her excitement to witness ' true love' as she'd said many times, made the thought of changing my mind, get thrown out of the window.

The ceremony was nothing short of sweet and quite romantic. Ive never been a big fan of big weddings anyway, surprisingly, sitting through this one, had me in all kinds of thoughts. It brought back the time I was away and played at my emotions.

Had I hid well, the kind of effect the wedding had on me? I have no clue.

All I know is that I sat through the whole ceremony, being a witness with not much to say but a lot said in mind. By the time we reached the reception, I was exhausted and wished to head home. Despite how I felt, I held it out for Lia once more, after hearing her express her joy in being present.

For a while during the ceremony, I felt like a stalker. I was a silent watcher for a while, observing everything that took place infront of my very own eyes. The overwhelming emotions that overtook me during the vow exchange, surely disturbed me.

I was touched, very much so.

" You can't deny that today was quite special." Lia says, on our way back home.

" Hmm."

" That is the kind of wedding I picture you in."

" Huh?" I stop to look at her.

She also stops and looks at me.

" You are going to get married one day and ------"

" No!" I blurt out the word before I can think about what I've said.

She blinks at me, probably taken a back by my tone.

" You don't want to get married?"

" No, Yes, I mean not now. W-why are we even talking about me getting married? That's something for years to think about." I add, walking past her.

" But -------"

" Lia, let's talk about something else already." I put a stop to whatever she was about to say.

I hear her sigh from behind me. " Fine, anyway, you look pretty today."

" What do you want?" I say.

" Nothing." She quickly says, not convincing me one bit.

" I don't believe you."

" Really, it's nothing."

And that's basically us, going back and forth on me suspecting her of wanting something while she says no.

Reaching home, our laughter and chatter comes to a standstill, when we see mom in the company of someone I never thought would ever set foot in my home again.

" Mrs Myers?"

Our entrance captures their attention.

' What is she doing here?'

Warmth touches my cheeks because of the attention that I gain.

The nudge on my shoulder, coming from Lia, reminds me that I need to say something.

" Uh, good afternoon." I greet politely.

I guess I reacted out of shock before.

" Um, excuse us." Lia takes over, pulling on my arm as we both head for the stairs.

" Wait, girls!" We stop on our way and glance back, when we hear mom call us.

" Mrs Myers would like to have a word with you, Milla."

" Me?"

No, please no.

" Yes, have a seat."

Despite how thrown off I am right now, I take my seat before them, Lia following suit.

" I made cookies, why don't you help me with them dear." The hint is thrown out there for Lia, by mom.

Thankfully she gets it, and I watch both of them head over to the kitchen, leaving me alone with Mrs Myers.

" Milla." I turn to her.

It's been years since we've sat in front of each other like this. That was a different time then, our attitudes towards each other far different from now.

I still respect her though, as an elder ofcourse. I'm simply weary of her visit, after such a long time.

" I know that I am the last person you expected to see."

That's right.

When I don't respond, she continues. " Look, Milla, it's been years since we've sat together like this, but it hasn't been too long that I last saw you."

I frown now in question.

' Does this mean ---'

" Every time I saw you, I thought of my Will."

That's how she calls him, while I preferred calling him Liam or Will.

" I stayed away, like you asked." I remind her.

" I know." She breathes out.

She closes her eyes for a moment, before she looks at me again.

" I'm sure you know that he is coming back."

" I heard."

" And I'd like you to see him."

" Excuse me?"

" I want you to meet Will again."

" No!" The word shoots out of my lips, the same time I jump on my feet.