IN THE MIDST OF MY LOVE.

To witness love and to experience love, is quite different. I played the role of a witness while my mother experienced love, one received from my father. He was simply a man in love, not with the idea of love, but with the woman who introduced him to their kind of love. I recall the days of admiring how beautiful and easy, they made everything seem. It just felt right with them and I, a few times so, desired to be the one to experience such love. In unfortunate turn of events, tragedy decided to knock at our door. It claimed the life of my father, separating and leaving us out in the cold. My mother seemed lost without her other half, which hurt to witness. The desire to better relate to her pain had overwhelmed me. All I wanted was to offer more support and be a reliable source of comfort for her. The unhealthy mindset I had then, in the early days of fresh and raw pain while mourning, was strong, I admit to this. What amazed me through it all, was the way my mother notice

Days have passed and yet the actual day, has not been confirmed. At some point I had hoped that he would change his mind and stay away, but it seems unlikely he would. Now that I've learnt about William returning soon, it's like I can't escape talk about him. My ears would catch onto conversation about him, especially with many interested in what he may look like or how different he must seem now. If only they knew. Different made up scenarios of possible encounters between us, has placed me on edge. Seeing him again, feels like all my secrets would be staring me in the face soon. It's clear that I haven't been myself and now Lia has taken notice. She's questioned me on how I am doing so many times today, it's kind of annoying. I know it's not her fault, I'm just being cranky. I honestly wish I had found out everything much later. It's sad to think that I might be the reason my mother ends up in hospital again. There's no doubt that my deeds would be heavy for her to bea

I am leaving and not coming back. This was a big mistake, I shouldn't have come here. " Milla!!" The call is loud and clear, capturing the attention of those near and certainly pulling me to a stop. It would have been far better to not know who called me, this way I would have continued to run away. Damn my ears for recognising that voice too well. It hasn't even been a full on 24 hours since his return, and already he has crossed the line. ' This is what happens when there is a lack of communication.' My conscious hits me with its own opinion at the wrong time. " Milla?" I hear my name being called again, but it comes from a female voice now. This relieves me a bit. I turn around to see who has called me this time. I get nervous when I see both Mr and Mrs Myers come my way. I briefly glance upstairs and that's when I see him. He's making his way down the stairs. My feet may be rooted in place but that doesn't mean I'm not freaking out inside. " You actually

For most of the night, I do my best to remain out of sight, from someone in particular. I settle into the background, being an observer to my surroundings as I wait for the appropriate time, to leave the party. I watch on as William's parents make a short speech, expressing their joy for having their son back home after so many years. Guilt hits me hard at moment. I feel like I am part of the reason he extended his stay. I am the voice of influence for lengthening the distance between family. This does not sit well with me. The guilt made it hard to continue looking at them, as they stood together infront of everyone. It's grip on me bothered me too much. It might have been a hint then from Mrs Myers, but it seems right at this moment. I might have been the problem all along. Looking back to the front, I notice William's eyes moving as if in search of someone. When his gaze meets mine, it lingers a little too long that I break eye contact first. For the rest of the night, h

" Leaving without saying goodbye?" Shoot, I thought I would make it out of here unnoticed. I search with my eyes until I find him. He stands tall and handsome, leaned against a beautiful car. Neil Myers. " I think it's time for me to leave now." " Will this be a habit, even in the future? Should I take note of this?" " What do you mean?" I ask in confusion. I watch him push himself off the car and walk towards me. " Will it take a couple more years to see you again, after tonight?" I open and close my mouth but no words. They have failed me. He does have a point though, because in all honesty, I had declared that tonight would be the last night I ever step foot in this place. My intention was to simply please my mother and possibly cover my tracks, so I would not raise suspicion. " I don't know." I answer honestly. He nods as he looks off to the side. " I was invited tonight." Like that is a good enough excuse. " I also didn't think I would ever return here again, I