Chapter Twelve

It was one of the shortest days for Alex ever since he took charge to lead the Runners, but it was also one of the longest. Much of his time throughout the afternoon was spent in and out of his own personal quarters, where he would sit in the back of the tent and grieve over the loss his friends had suffered that morning. 

What could possibly have been the Domineer’s motivation? What in the world was he trying to protect for Ramon Morenno? He tried to shake the thought from his mind. Tomorrow, they would return to track the messenger the Domineers were trying to secure, and this time, he would not slip through their grasp. It was the only thought that Alex was able to conjure up in order to keep himself calm and composed.

Alex had not seen Rowan for the majority of the day, due to the both of them casually maintaining their distance for the time being. With the Runners’ numbers damaged, Rowan wanted more than anything to give Alex her help where he needed it, but he felt as though he was drifting away from her, like he was no longer appreciating her as a friend or ally.

As night fell over the mountains of the Dark Zone, the Ravennites’ campsite had become quiet and inactive. The Runners retreated to their quarters to rest for the morning ahead. Matheus helped oversee authority of the camp for the time being. Alex desperately needed to clear his conscience, and soon found himself standing in front of the entrance to Rowan’s tent. He had been standing still for over five minutes, breathing roughly in and out, before finally lifting the tent’s flap and entering.

Rowan looked up as Alex stepped inside. She had been sitting back and fiddling around with the fire pit resting in the center of the tent. She did not blink, but simply stared up at Alex with a blank expression. As Alex looked back into her eyes, it was obvious that Rowan was aware of what he was feeling, but she said nothing. 

The small fire was glistening faintly off her darkened, green eyes, and Alex had come to believe that the vibe they gave off was purely in tune with what the observer was feeling in his heart. If that was true, then all he wanted was to see them again for the beautiful gems they were when the two of them first met. That sounded crazy, but then again, maybe he already was crazy. Maybe all he wanted was to remain in such a state with only one person truly by his side.

“Hi, Rowan,” Alex stammered in little more than a soft whisper. Rowan remained motionless as she looked up at him, quiet as a mouse. “Do you mind if I come in?” Rowan shook her head as she maintained an exceptionally calm composure. Alex briefly put his hands over his face and sighed heavily. “Listen, Rowan,” he began, trying hard to lighten his tension. “I’m really sorry for the things I said to you earlier.” He gazed down into her eyes as he spoke, as if he were hoping to perceive them any brighter. Rowan’s expression was continually blank, but she was listening to what he had to say. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I was just so on edge from everything that happened this morning, and I know you were only trying to help. I really don’t deserve it, but can you forgive me?”

There was a deathlike silence that followed Alex’s words, and it felt as though it endured for an eternity. Rowan’s gaze was as powerful as it had always been, whether it appeared to glare like a predator or look upon a friend with compassion. In a slight gesture, Rowan nodded her head to the side as if she were signaling for Alex to come and sit beside her.

As Alex sat down, the evening gusts picked up outside and howled against the structure of the tent. The fire began to flicker weakly. Alex reached over to grab hold of the small branch Rowan was using to stir the flames in the pit. Rowan attempted to do the same but had met Alex’s hand instead. For many moments, neither of them spoke or made much of a movement. They simply remained still by the fire and listened to the sound of the cold winds blowing through the leafless trees outside.

In the midst of the silence, Rowan let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, too,” she uttered quietly.

Alex looked over at her curiously. “For what?”

Rowan opened her mouth to answer, but she could not find the right words to speak. She reached up and placed her hand gently against where her pendant lay beneath her garment. Alex followed her gesture. She always shrugged off Alex’s remarks about the symbol that she could not see with hesitation, but at the same time, something about her was empathetic to his concern.

Alex rubbed his eyes. “Tell me the truth,” he began. “Do you think I’m going mad?”

Rowan took her hand away from her necklace. She knew nothing about the world of the Outside, and the only thing that dismayed her as much as seeing her people suffer at the hands of the Domineers was watching the one Outsider she called her friend suffering himself. It was paradoxical, but it filled her with compassion as the pain in her heart that she had felt earlier was beginning to return. Rowan was reduced to an impulse as she suddenly reached around and placed her hand lightly against the side of Alex’s face where she had treated his burn, and she rested her head against his shoulder.

Alex was taken aback by the sudden gesture. As close as the two of them had become, she had not shown him this sort of affection before. His mind traveled back to the events prior to the battle for the Citadel. When the Ravennites attempted to break out of the Iron Furnace, Rowan had seized an instance to express her sudden feelings toward him. Alex believed it to be hardly more than a spur of the moment thing as they fought to lead her people to freedom. Now he was feeling as though time had slowed and all he wanted to do was simply rest against the structure of the tent in the company of a friend.

“What do you think we’re gonna find out there tomorrow?” Rowan breathed by his side.

The question made Alex realize he had forgotten why they were even out here to begin with. Tomorrow morning, before sunrise, the last of his Runners would hastily track the footsteps of the Domineers and intercept whatever message they were carrying. 

“I don’t know,” Alex responded. “But that man was willing to die to keep us away. It makes me nervous to think about letting this go.”

Rowan turned her head so she could look up at him. “I’ll be out there with you,” she assured him. “I can track their footprints no matter how well they try to cover them, or how much the wind blows them away.”

Alex and Rowan laughed softly. Of course, given what he had witnessed that morning, Alex would have been lying if he said he was not concerned about her safety. They would be traveling much closer to the Domineers’ territories tomorrow, if not directly behind their lines. What use did he have to argue with her, though? As Rowan’s strength and courage had grown, so had her stubbornness, but Alex admired her regardless. If anything, it made him feel more proud to have her by his side out there as well as right now.

“You know, there are these dreams,” Rowan began in a soft voice. “Dreams that I have sometimes about my people with the Domineers gone. Sometimes I dream about my home, Ravenna, rebuilt after our victory. Other times I see myself sitting alone beneath the trees of the Oasis, or atop the Citadel plateau. Everything is quiet and peaceful. I feel like I can breathe freely the air of my homeland once again, without fear or worry of the worlds beyond my own.”

Alex was listening intently to the words carried by her voice. It made him truly understand what he was fighting for, and it was not for himself, but for the people who deserved to be free. “That doesn’t sound too bad,” he replied.

“There’s just one thing, though,” Rowan continued. “One thing that all of my dreams have in common.” She looked back up at him again, only this time, her eyes were feeling heavy with emotion. “You’re never there.”

It was not difficult for Alex to understand the meaning of her dreams. In truth, it filled him with many mixed emotions. He wanted to find something to say back, but Rowan seemed to be ahead of his thoughts. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Alex responded, staring down into the flames before them. His heart began to beat more heavily as each moment passed.

“If by some fortune we win,” Rowan closed her eyes as she uttered the words. “If we were to defeat the Domineers and reclaim all that was taken from us-” Just before she spoke the final words, she felt herself inadvertently tense up, as if she wanted to pull Alex closer. “Would you stay here?”

The question was like a spear thrust through the heart. In all this time leading the Runners in the fight against their enemies, Alex never really considered what the future might hold should the Ravennites emerge victorious. He had been so concerned about aiding his friends in achieving what they had once believed to be impossible that he was not sure if he would ever leave these mountains in the end. He had grown so close to them, and the closest of his friends was resting by his side right now.

“I-” Alex swallowed roughly, not sure what to say. “I just wanna focus on one thing right now, and that’s winning this war.”

Although it was not exactly what she was hoping to hear, Rowan grew a wide smile as she looked back up at him. “You’re the best man I know.” she whispered into his ear.

Alex was overcome by goosebumps, and it was not from the cold. He looked down at the girl by his side and said the only thing he could muster. “Your brother is a much better man than I am.”

Rowan shook her head slightly. “I don’t think of him the same way I think of you.”

In all truth, Alex was a little bit confused. He knew what was going through her mind, but in a strange way, he was not sure if she was fully aware of it. “And what exactly are you thinking?”

As he half-expected, Rowan paused, not sure how to answer. There was another long silence that followed, and the two of them simply found themselves looking into each other’s eyes. Alex was pleased that, even in the dim light of the tent, he could see the beauty in her eyes once again. In a simultaneous action, the both of them slowly yawned as they became increasingly tired. Rowan carefully repositioned herself against Alex’s side and closed her eyes. Alex leaned right back, staring down at the fire pit as his own eyes slowly fell shut, and it did not take long for them to drift off to sleep.