Chapter five

He didn’t call the next day, or the day after that. At first, I  told myself it was fine, I  needed some space and maybe he did too. But by the fourth day, the silence was heavy. Every notification from my phone had me grabbing the device with ferocity. The disappointment when it was just a meme from Cherry or a client confirming a booking was heart shattering. I was slowly losing my damn mind.

I kept busy, cooking, cleaning, working myself to exhausting and pretending everything was peachy. But the quiet moments stretched too long. By the end of week, Cherry came over to my house to learn one of my recipes. She brought a bottle of wine which I was grateful for. After several hours passed, the recipe taught and completed, I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer, I confessed all of it to Cherry. From the night I met Crest, to the anonymous private booking, to date and everything in between. I felt guilty for keeping her in the dark all these while.

Cherry was wide eyed by the time I was done. After the shock wore of, she finally sighed and said.

“First of all, why was I not kept in the loop this whole time?”

She playfully held her chest. “Maybe  it’s karma for keeping juicy secrets to yourself and sneaking around.”

I rolled my eyes at how dramatic she was being. “I’m sorry, well now I’ve told you, pacify me, tell me what to do.”

 “Okay why exactly did you bite his head off for being a gentleman and offering you drop you home?”

 I sighed, twirling a piece of my hair and said. “It’s not that simple.”

“Umm, it exactly is that simple Sasha.”

I looked at one of the chairs that was missing a leg. “You  don’t understand, I didn’t want him to see where I live, I panicked and didn’t want him to think less of me when he saw.”

Cherry was quiet for a long time. Then she said softly. “You  think he cares? Look he’s made an effort to get to know you, he’s not going to take off running because you don’t live in a castle.”

That was the problem, not knowing what his expectations of me are, what he’d care about.

“I’d rather not find out what he thinks, while he’s standing in my hallway, pretending not to notice the cracks.”

Cherry just studied me, not with judgement, something gentler, a contemplative look.

“You’ve  got this wall girl, thick as hell. But one day, someone’s gonna want to climb it, and you’re gonna have to let them.”

I laughed. “Yeah? And what if they just use it as a view before they jump back down?”

 She just reached over the counter and poured two glasses from the bottle of wine she brought, we drank in silence. Somewhere between the second and third glass, I admitted to myself that I missed him and decided I was going to be open with him. Damn the consequences. It scared me more than anything else.

It took me three nights to dial his number. What if he was done with me. I must have stared at the screen for an hour before pressing call. My hands were shaking slightly as I sat on the edge of my small bed, not from fear, exactly, but from the weight of what I was about to do. He answered on the second ring. For a moment, neither of us spoke. Then, quietly he spoke.

“Hey.”

 “Hey,” I said. My voice sounded smaller than I wanted. “If you’re home and not busy, and comfortable with me being in your house, is it okay if I come over?”

I was blabbing. I cursed at myself.

There was a pause, surprise, then softness. “Sure.”

“Okay,” I said. “Send me an address.”

His place was across town, a quiet apartment building. The environment looked so clean, you could probably eat off the floors. I took the elevator to the the fourth floor. His house was the whole of the floor. He opened the door before I could knock twice, like he’d been waiting. We stood there a moment, just looking at each other. No makeup, no performance. Just truth. He stepped aside.

“Come in.”

 I sat on the edge of his couch, clutching my hands. He poured me water, not wine. Somehow that made it easier to talk. Thick walls, soft lighting, the faint hum of something expensive running quietly in the background. The living room opened up in wide, careful lines, glass, steel, and warm wood tones. Everything looked deliberate. The oversized sectional in dove gray, the art on the walls abstract and expensive-looking but impersonal, a splash of color chosen by someone with taste and distance. There were little signs of life, a pair of tiny sneakers by the door, a child’s drawing stuck to the side of the stainless steel fridge, a forgotten toy car under the console table. Light spilling down from a skylight. In the corner, a record player sat beside a shelf of vinyls that looked barely touched. What a stark contrast to my apartment.

“I need to explain,” I said finally.

He nodded. “Okay.”

I took a breath.

“That night, when I wouldn’t let you drop me off, it wasn’t about you. Not really. I just… I didn’t want you to see where I live. My apartment’s small. The pipes groan. The ceiling leaks when it rains. I fix things with tape and prayer.” I gave a quiet laugh. “And I share a wall with a couple who fight like it’s their full-time job.”

He smiled faintly, waiting.

“I  didn’t want you to see it,” I said, voice cracking now. “Not because I’m ashamed of being broke, I’ve been broke most of my life. But because it’s the kind of place that makes people look at you differently. And I couldn’t stand the thought of you looking at me like that.”

 I sniffed and continued. “I was already unsure what your opinion of me was, considering where and how we met. I didn’t want to make it worse.”

He was silent for a long time. The kind of silence that didn’t feel empty, just heavy with everything unsaid. Then he reached out, his hand covering mine.

 “I’ve seen worse,” he said quietly. “And better. But I’ve never met someone who made me want to understand the difference.”

I looked up, blinking through the blur in my eyes. “Why do you even care?”

He smiled. That  slow, unguarded kind of smile that felt like a truth. “Because you make things feel real. Everyone else hides behind perfect. You don’t.

I shook my head. “You don’t know everything about me.”

“Then tell me,” he said.

 I told him about my sister,  about the addiction, the nights I stayed awake waiting for a call from the hospital, the money I didn’t have but spent anyway. I told him about losing jobs, scraping rent, pretending it was all fine because people liked you better when you smiled. By the time I stopped talking, my throat hurt. He hadn’t looked away once. When I finally ran out of words, he said.

 “You think your apartment defines you. It doesn’t. You could live in a shoebox and still have more soul than most people I know.”

I exhaled, slow and trembling. “You really want to see it?

He nodded. “I want to see you.”

Something broke open in me then, not the kind of breaking that hurts, but the kind that lets the light in.

“Hey,” said softly. “Look at me.”

I did.

 “There’s nothing about you I need to be protected from. You don’t have to impress me.”

The sincerity in his voice warmed something in me. The part that had been tight with shame and pride finally loosened. I exhaled.

“You have no idea how hard it is to believe that.”

“Then let me show you.” He said.

He reached for my hand, slow, careful. The space between us dissolved. His touch was warm, steady, and when he kissed me, it wasn’t like before. It wasn’t escape. It was relief,the kind that comes after years of holding your breath.

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