It's Fine, I am Fine!

Hello everyone!

This story contains mature language and scenes. This is your only warning 😊😊

Enjoy it!! 😊

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Lena

The restaurant was quite full today. Today out of all days, for my bad luck.

The loud chatter around me was very distracting and I couldn't move as fast as I wanted to. People were walking constantly towards and outwards the bathroom, leaving me almost no space to move around. Some kids screamed their lungs out, after devouring our special ice cream bundle and their mothers made no effort to quiet them down.

As I walked towards the kitchen with a full tray of dishes in my hand, I deliberately inhaled all the delicious smells from around the tables in the dining hall, so the awful scent of the kitchen wouldn't overwhelm me. Smelling burned oil and dirty dishes could easily make me lose my appetite or the will to work.

Once inside the kitchen, I stepped on a piece of tomato on the floor and cursed under my breath.

"Aaron there is food on the floor," I said to my boss, but he ignored me. He was too busy preparing food over the grills and fryers. He was sweating like crazy. Not very appealing, but what could he do?

"Lena, can you stay a couple more hours?" he asked and yet it wasn't a question. He knew I would agree anyway, then why ask?

"Sure" I replied and quickly unloaded my tray on the dish-washing counter.

Even though I was very tired, I would never say no to extra working hours, because I desperately needed the money.

Last night I didn't sleep at all, I only managed to close my eyes for a few hours in the morning. I felt so damn tired, so I took a long sip from my Red Bull and went back to wait on my tables.

The place where I parked my car last night was the worst choice I could have made. The police came and politely asked me to move my vehicle to another location. And I did. And then another police officer asked me the same thing. And I was obliged to do so once more. Needless to say, my night was horrible, but luckily, I found a place to crash until morning.

Living in my car was difficult from day one but finding a parking spot every night was even worse. I kept avoiding parking in the same spot for more than a day, that was one rule I'd never break. It was dangerous out there for a twenty-four-year-old woman like me.

"Lena, table six needs the check," Antony said urgently while passing next to me in a hurry. This was the busiest night in all my seven months of working here.

Antony became my friend, I guess. If gossiping about people, I didn't know and drinking coffee before work counted as friendship. I liked him a lot, his sense of humor was top-notch, and he was genuinely very kind to me. He was short like me and had the most amazing sparkling blue eyes I have ever seen. 

As my shift ended a little later than Aaron said, it left me even more tired.

I slowly walked home, holding a paper bag with my dinner inside. The silent walk after a long shift was something I really enjoyed. Especially when the weather was warm, and the cool summer breeze played with the strands of my hair as I walked. It was something that helped me collect my thoughts and unwind somehow.

A good fifteen steps before I reached my car, I took my keys out of my bag and held them in my hand tightly, like a weapon. There were a lot of times I had been robbed right before I entered my car, but I've learned my lesson.

Once inside my old grey Toyota Corolla, I locked the door and sighed. I allowed this feeling of solitude to sink in. That moment, was the best moment of my day, every day. Coming home safely.

I started the engine, so I could light up the dark inside of my car. Only to see the mess I have been avoiding almost all week.

There was so much dust on the dashboard, dirt on the floors, and a few empty food containers on the passenger seat. Don't get me started on the boxes and bags with my things all scattered everywhere.

It was a very busy week, and I had no time for cleaning up. I sighed again and felt the exhaustion slowly taking me over completely.

I quickly opened the paper bag and took a big bite of the burger. I haven't eaten anything all day and I shouldn't fall asleep on an empty stomach.

My bed linens need washing; there was an odor that irritated my nose. I was never a slob, what had happened to me?

I wish I had a bed to sleep in every night under a safe roof and not just a few days a year in a motel. I wish I could take a hot shower right now. The last time I showered was two days ago in my usual gym. If not, public restrooms could do the job. I showered in my car once, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone or my lifestyle in general.

Earning a minimum wage as a waitress could only cover some of my expenses, like gas for the car, car insurance, and groceries. If my car breaks down... things get harder. But I managed somehow all these years.

I prefer my current life; to the hell, I was in before.

After finishing my dinner, I drove to a supermarket parking lot that allowed overnight parking on Sundays. The lights coming from the its huge sign always made me feel safe somehow. 

I covered my windows with dark thick covers I bought from a store years ago; they kept the sunlight away in the mornings and all the curious looks I get from strangers that walk by my car. 

I searched for my pajamas for a few seconds and then gave up the effort. The place was too messy, and I was too tired to even move one more muscle.

I tried to make myself comfortable on the back seat that was my makeshift bed. I was glad that I wasn't tall because I couldn't fit myself straight as I was, I always sleep like an S. It's not ideal, but it is what it is.

I sighed at the thought of how many years have passed since I started living like this. Four. Four long years.

I was only twenty years old when I bought this car. Obtaining it wasn't easy.

I chuckled at that memory and rubbed my eyes with my hands. Some mascara residue was left on my hand, but I didn't bother to clean it up. 

I worked a whole year for that used car. It was difficult to put money aside, but I managed somehow. I was only seventeen when I left home. I stayed in a youth detention center until eighteen and then I lived on the streets for a little while, not fun at all, but I had no ogther choice. Had I?

I chuckled again.

Then I met a guy... Zack.

I wondered... why was I always reminiscing about my life when I was tired? Why couldn't I just go to sleep peacefully?  

"Come stay with me," Zack said and I foolishly agreed.

"I love you," he said, and I didn't believe him. For me, it was him or the streets, so I chose him. Little did I know...

I shifted my body to find a more comfortable angle, but I knew already there was none. I felt the ace on my knees as every night.

I was so damn tired, but the thought of him made me anxious and I couldn't drift into sleep. Even though he was so far away from me, I couldn't let go of the awful memories I had with him.

We lived together for a year and a half, and it was nice at the beginning and only at the beginning. He used to take a lot of my money and was very demanding and controlling, but never abused me physically. He could, but I consider myself lucky, very lucky.

I left him the day I bought this car and drove seven hundred kilometers away from him, and never saw him again.

I sighed with relief and then at some point I drifted into sleep and woke up sweaty and tired the next morning. The smell on my body was repulsive.

I groaned and tried to stretch my body a bit. I wanted to get out of the car and stand on two feet as soon as possible. So, I took my window covers off, jumped into the driver's seat and quickly opened the window. The fresh summer air filled my lungs and the inside of my car, taking some of the odors out.

How the hell did I end up living like that?

"Fuck" I whispered to myself, while rubbing my tired sweaty face. 

I need a shower. But instead, I grabbed a granola bar from the glove compartment and while munching it, I was searching for the local ads online on my phone for any job opportunities. I couldn't be a waitress forever.

"Software engineer... Hotel Manager... Medical Assistant... Project Manager..." I mumbled between bites.

"Librarian..." I would love to do that. I have loved books since I was a child. I instantly clicked on that and sent my resume. Fingers crossed!

Books were the only consolation in my life because as for my family, let's say I have none.

I turned and looked at the big cardboard box on the floor on the passenger seat and signed with pride. I had so many journals full of stories written by me inside that box. Fantasy, adventure, horror, and so many more. It was something that I deeply enjoyed doing and it was the best way to escape from my sad reality. Writing for me was the best medicine of all.

"They stayed in this box for too long" I breathed "It's time to be shown in public, right?"

It was time. And the way to do it was by uploading them to a few websites online. Easy and completely inexpensive for me. I had a lot of doubts at the beginning because romances are in high demand on those sites, and I have never written one in my life.

Epic battles, I did.

Dragons and magic, I did.

Horror and zombies, I did.

But romance and erotica, never.

After thorough research on the genre, I wrote an erotic novel myself, with the not-so-much unique name, The rush.

I would like to see this baby published one day. Dreaming never killed anyone, except the people in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

"All I need is a damn sexy cover for the book" I breathed anxiously and bit my inner lip.

It was something I wanted to be done quickly and if possible, with no expense. Money was my constant problem. I was overthinking it and gave myself anxiety for no reason. I would buy a damn photo online and be done with it today!

But before everything, I must shower.

In the gym.

Where hot and sexy guys might lurk around and could give me more inspiration to write more romantic stories. For future purposes, I kept saying to myself.

"To the gym my sisters, to the gym!" I shouted Anton Chekhov's rephrased lines with joy, as I started the car's engine. 

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