Chapter 4

Lena

I took another deep breath. I kept telling myself that I was stronger than this. I repeated it like a mantra. Not the best coping mechanism, but it was the only thing that worked, at least temporarily. 

I locked the car and walked slowly towards my meeting spot. I kept looking over my shoulder nonstop. I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me, when in fact no one paid the least attention to me. 

People were happily strolling, playing with balls and rackets, smiling, having a picnic, walking their dogs. Some couples were kissing, babies were crying and laughing, and children happily enjoyed the playground... and all I wanted was to curse them all. Even though my life problems weren't their fault, I really wanted to shout at the top of my lungs for everyone to disappear.  

I took another deep breath to calm the fuck down! 

For my surprise, I saw Max sitting on a bench talking on the phone. Did he come early? Or was I late? 

I took my phone out of my pocket and it was 19:05, so... nothing of the above. After all I've been through today, I managed to come to my appointment on time.

I waved at him silently; I didn't want to interrupt his phone call. I tried to stand there all confident, but I was checking my surroundings like I was being hunted by those crazy pair of eyes I was staring at a moment ago. What a creep!   

I focused my gaze on Max, his presence was soothing, and I had a sense of safety around him somehow, even though I didn't know him at all. 

Max was wearing all black again, a T-shirt and jeans. I liked his casual yet meticulous style. His nice watch was hanging from his wrist along with those leather bands. His Nike hat hid his beautiful face, but he was handsome anyway. 

He raised his eyes on me, acknowledging my presence and smiled at me. 

"Sally, I'll call you later," he said while hanging off the phone. 

Maybe it was his girlfriend. I never asked his personal status, because I didn't need to, he couldn't be totally single, a guy like that? Don’t think so. 

He instantly looked at me from head to toe. 

"Hey" I greeted him with a forced smile. 

"What happened to you?" he frowned with concern. 

"Nothing, I'm fine. And you?" I tried dodging the question. 

"That looks fresh" he came closer and touched my neck on the bruises. His touch was warm, unlike the creepy guy's strong grip. I backed up a little instinctively and swallowed hard. I didn't want anyone to touch me right now. I should have put on some make-up to hide it or cancel the whole thing and stay hidden until all the bruises were gone. But no! I was stubborn and refused to ruin my day for this creep. And here we were, Max was investigating my 'injuries' like he was a freaking doctor. 

"My hickey?" I said playfully but he didn't buy it. 

"That's not a hickey" he insisted. 

"Are you ready to take some pictures?" I dodged his inquisition and took my phone out. 

"You have scratches all over you. Are you alright?" 

Who was he, Sherlock fucking Holmes?! 

"Max, I'm fine, what's wrong with you? Let's take the picture and we can both be on our way. I don't want to waste your whole afternoon" I gave him another forced smile. 

"Sure..." he said unwillingly and not believing me of course. He wasn't stupid and, he was very damn observant. People usually don’t pay much attention to details on other people. 

I remember one time when I got back home from work and Zack, my boyfriend at that time didn't even notice my bandaged hand. I cut myself badly that day at work, I had three stitches. He only said, "What's for dinner?" I nodded and then gave him the takeout I bought for him. 

"I was thinking that wall should be our background" I pointed to the public bathroom wall "It's still graffiti-free and totally white" I giggled. That giggle made my heart bleed. When I force happy emotions I feel hollow inside, and the only thing I hear is the echoes of my every heartbeat. 

I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there until this fear and pain went away. I felt so miserable, and I fought hard for a smile, I didn't want him or anyone to pity me. And at the same time, I was angry and wanted to hunt down that creep and make him pay for what he did to me. I was battling between positivity and misery it seemed, I couldn't decide which side to pick so I chose both. Insanity you say? 

We walked towards the wall, and I instructed him to stand in the middle, like a captain in battle. I was a little intense and had a great need to calm down, so I threw him a quick and forced smile. He looked at me like there was something wrong with me. He wasn't mistaken. 

I would take the photo quickly, thank him and then leave. 

Shit, I just realized that my white shirt had a little dirt on it. I should have changed it before I came here. I might look like a mess, but at least I could wear clean fucking clothes! 

He stood silently where I pointed. His eyes never left mine, like he was trying to discover the lies I just told him. So persistent. I have never met a person like him in my entire life. 

He was about to take his hat off and I stopped him.  

"Let's do one with the hat on first. It suits you" 

He nodded and ignored my compliment. He still looked concerned over my 'injuries'. 

"And keep the shirt on. There are too many people around. And I like to have options if you don't mind. We can choose the cover photo together if you want and then..." 

"Lena what happened to you today?" he cut me off. He still sounded concerned.

Why? Who was I to him?

"What do you mean?" I raised my voice just a little bit. I must be very careful. I shouldn't let anger out on him... he wasn't the problem. 

"Who did that to you?" he insisted and took a few steps closer to me. Oh no, no, no... 

"No one! What are you saying?" I lied. 

"Who did that to you? Your boyfriend?" he kept coming close to me, investigating every bruise I had.  

I wished that he could take his fucking eyes away! 

"I have no boyfriend, and no one did that, I did it. Is that sufficient for you?!" I was getting annoyed with the wrong person. I took a step back, creating space between us.  

"Why?" he asked with such a soft voice that it made my insides melt. But he obviously could see that I was lying, so why couldn't he drop it? I didn't want to talk about it. 

"I wanted to try something... which is not your business, and things got out of hand. Can we take the damn picture now, please?" I angrily raised my phone in front of him, urgently insinuating that the discussion was over, and it was just picture time. 

I should have kept myself calmer! 

"Calm down" he externalized my thoughts with a soft voice. Only at that moment did I realize that my hands were shaking. My body couldn't hide shit. 

I took steps front and back, like I wasn't sure where to stand. I felt anxious and almost out of breath.

"Stand back for the photo, we would lose day light" I mumbled.  

I haven't managed to take a few steps back to fit Max on the screen when... 

Today was just a bad day and it wasn't over yet...

...A rugby ball slumped on me, not only knocking me on the floor but made my cheap phone fly from my hands, fall on the ground and break into parts. I would need to puzzle it back! 

I breathed out the last bit of air I had on my lungs as I watched the small black phone, I carried seconds ago smash on the ground like it was nothing.

That was my breaking point. Enough was enough. 

"Lena, are you alright?!" Max rushed closer to me and helped me stand. 

If I had a euro bill for every time someone asked me that, I'd be fucking rich! 

"Yes!" I stood angrily from the floor, trying to ignore the pain in my arms, neck, heart, and soul. 

My skin was red from the impact, and I was fuming with anger. I felt the heat igniting inside of me like I was a torch myself. But I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Angry Lena was always a bad sight to watch. 

"I'm so sorry, man!" a breathless man said to Max. He was wearing a sport's team shirt and was sweating out of every pore of his body. 

"Why the hell are you apologizing to me for, moron?!" Max raised his voice at him. 

"Right, sorry, we didn't see you there" he apologized to me but clearly, he was mostly concerned about Max's feelings.  

Max kept speaking intensely to the guy, but I didn't care, I didn't even listen to their conversation. All I wanted was to run away as fast as I could. I wanted to sleep and make all of this go away. Tomorrow would be another day, probably awful but I hoped it would be better than today.  

I took my memory card off the phone because it was clearly damaged beyond repair and threw its pieces angrily in the trash bin next to us. How the hell did a ball manage to destroy my phone that easily? I had it for years, it was old and not in the best condition, but still. 

I put the card into my pocket and a sad realization made me want to run away even faster. Why did I need to save my phone memory card for? I had no contacts in there... just Aaron's, Antony's, and recently obtained Max's. I had no pictures, no documents and mainly no one ever called me. I always change my phone number every time I move from place to place. 

What a sad little life I had there. 

"Are you alright?" Max asked again touching my arms just to see the damage. The other guy left, and I didn't even notice. 

"Yes," I lied, and I stepped back. 

"You don't seem to be" he lowered his gaze at me, trying to catch my eyes. But I didn't let him. "I'm fine. I just really want to go home now. It was a long day for me" 

"That must hurt. He knocked you down. Let's just sit there for a moment" he pointed towards a bench. 

"No Max I... I ... want to go home. I'm sorry for wasting your time" I kept my eyes stuck on the ground. 

"I'll take you home" he offered. 

Why did he have to offer it every time? What was he a knight?! 

"No, my car is right down the corner. Sorry again for wasting your afternoon. I'll see you when I see you" I gave him a forced smile, quickly waved him goodbye and even faster I walked away, leaving him no time to react.  

I needed some time alone to breathe and to collect myself before I dived into this downward emotional spiral that boiled inside of me.  

What a day... What a fucking day!