Chapter 8

The air seemed to grow thick. Too thick for me to even take in a breath. The room was too small. My heart was racing, and all I could hear was the pounding of my heart. I could have sworn I could listen to my blood as it rushed through my veins. 

"Baby," Niko's voice was soft as it broke through my spinning thoughts, "Look at me." 

I turned my face, locking eyes with the man who had somehow become my rock. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. He had really, in such a short time, become my rock. I realized he was the only reason I had been able to hold it somewhat together this far. This man, who was a stranger to me, had become my lifeline. Was that a bad thing? Maybe. But right now I didn't care. 

"Slow deep breaths with me." 

His hands gently rested on my shoulders as he turned me to face him more. 

In. 

Out.

In.

Out.

The sound of my heartbeat slowly faded away until I could hear the two of us taking deep breaths. I stood there taking deep breaths for a few more minutes before turning to face the woman. 

"Sorry," I apologized, "I'm Justice."

The woman gave me a knowing look, a sympathetic smile on her face. 

"It's perfectly okay," she told me kindly, "I completely understand. If you would follow me, we can begin to discuss arrangements."

I didn't have to ask; Niko just walked with us. And he had no idea how much I appreciated him. I would need to figure out a way to express my gratitude. We entered a smaller room, the walls lined with urns and a medium-sized table in the middle of the room. A box of tissues sat in the middle, waiting for the river of tears that would undoubtedly flow. 

Niko pulled out a seat for me before taking the chair to the right. 

"I'm Macy, the one who called you. First things first," she began as she opened a folder I didn't realize she had been carrying. 

"Does your mother have life insurance?" 

I stared down at the table, "No, ummm, as far as I know, she doesn't."

You would think she would have, but then again, there are a lot of things you would have thought she would have done. Honestly, life insurance is the least of the wishes. I wish she had never become an addict. I wish I weren't sitting here now, trying to figure all this out. 

"Okay, that's okay. Many people don't have any. Now, with that cleared up, do you know if you plan to have a burial or would you prefer cremation? There is a price difference. Do you have a budget you would like to stay within?"

Overwhelmed wouldn't begin to describe how I felt. Gosh, how was I going to do this? I couldn't afford groceries, let alone a funeral. 

"There is no budget," Niko broke the silence.

I spun to face him, shock covering my face. What? What did he mean by " there's no budget? 

"Okay, in that case, what would you like to do?" Macy seemed almost happy at his words. 

"Can you give us a minute, please?" I asked her, my mind still trying to process what Niko was saying. 

She gave us a polite nod before exiting the room and closing the door gently behind her. 

"What do you mean, no budget, Niko?" I questioned him, "Let's be honest here, I can't afford groceries, let alone a no-budget funeral. I don't have money in the bank, so I'm not sure what you are thinking."

"Hey," he told me in that way only he could, "You don't worry about the cost. You focus on the service you want to give her and let me handle the rest. Okay?"

"I..." I was at a loss for words, "I can't let you do that. Why would you do that anyway?" 

He gave me a lopsided grin as his thumb brushed over my cheek, "Why wouldn't I?"

I couldn't answer that. Well, scratch that, I could give him a lot of reasons why he shouldn't, but for some reason, I knew it would do no good at all. I was quickly finding out with him that he's stubborn, and once he says something, that's it. 

Niko stood and called Macy back into the room. 

"I would like a normal burial, please," I told her, unsure if there was a specific word for it or not. 

"Okay," she jotted something down in the folder, "Would you like to pick out a casket? Or do you have something in mind already?"

"I would like to pick one out," I told her as a lump formed in my throat.

She stood motioning for us to follow her. We entered a large room lined with caskets of all different styles and colors. The first tear slipped down my cheek. I couldn't do this. 

"Just the cheapest one will be fine," I choked out, and then I turned and rushed from the room. I didn't return to the meeting room we had started in. No, I needed air. I needed...I wasn't really sure what I needed. I made my way out the front door and found a bench to the side. I quickly sat down as I gasped for air. The tears were flowing freely now. 

Niko's warm arms wrapped around me, "Everything will be okay," he whispered as he sat there trying his best to comfort me. "Everything is already taken care of. You did well." His warmth seemed to calm me in a way I couldn't quite describe. 

But I hadn't done anything. 

After several minutes of sitting there, Niko finally stood, pulling me up with him. "Let's go home. You need to eat and rest." 

I padded beside him to the car, feeling completely drained and wanting nothing more than to curl up in my bed and sleep for the next year. `