Chapter 4

[ZARINA]

Why is it always me?

The question haunts me, no matter how many times I ask it. The answer is just as horrific, if not more so. My life has been a never-ending nightmare, from the very moment I was born. Even when I escaped the oppressive orphanage where I grew up and ventured into the tantalizing world of freedom, I was once again locked in a room.

It seems like people like me are doomed to never achieve what we desire most. Words like “freedom,” “joy,” “compassion,” and “love” feel like they’re meant for someone else. Instead, we’re fated to endure pain and suffering, as if it’s our birthright.

Every time I close my eyes, the image of what happened last night comes flooding back. Guilt consumes me, tears flow freely without restraint.

If only I had surrendered to my fate, maybe a life could have been saved. Was he someone’s husband, father, or brother? Now he’s gone, erased from existence, and it’s all because of me. I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of regret, with no way out.

But can I really be held responsible for his fate? Am I to blame? Wasn’t I also a victim in this situation? After all, I was being abducted! How could I not fight for my freedom? It’s the only thing I’ve ever fought for in my entire life.

Freedom.

Unlike the orphanage where I was subjected to abuse, I have no idea why I’m here or what these people want from me. But I have a suspicion, and it’s sickening.

It’s strange that I thought coming to Venice would be my path to freedom, but it’s just another form of imprisonment, with new locks and keys.

The man I encountered this morning was utterly terrifying and intimidating. His presence was so overwhelming that it felt like he was swallowing me whole. His dark brown eyes were menacing and seemed to penetrate deep into my soul, sending shivers down my spine and making my body tremble with fear.

How can one person have such a powerful effect on me? It’s unacceptable.

I can’t help but worry about what he intends to do with me. Is he planning to assault me? Or is it just my mind playing tricks on me? But if that was his intention, he could have done it already. I was unconscious and defenseless. It would have been easy for him, but he didn’t. I’m not sure what to make of that.

Ugh! What am I thinking? Honestly, why am I even thinking?

It has been several hours since the unknown man left me alone in this small room to die of starvation. The space is larger than the cramped one I had in the orphanage, but it offers no solace. The two white, hard doors are the only things in here besides the bed and the couch. One door leads to a toilet while the other is the only exit. The walls are painted in a ghastly crimson hue that assaults the senses. The window in the room is useless; it refuses to open no matter how hard I tried, and there is nothing in the room that could help me break it.

Suddenly, I hear a creaking sound, and my heart rate spikes. I turn my head towards the door, and when the knob turns, my fear is confirmed. It’s him. The same man who exuded such a terrifying and intimidating aura. I don’t know if I’m ready for another encounter with him, and I don’t think I ever will be. As panic builds up in my stomach, I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

With a creaking sound, the door slowly swings open, revealing a stranger. I don’t recognize him, and he doesn’t bother to close the door behind him. Is he trying to make me trust him? I stay put by the window, gripping the curtain tightly.

He opens his mouth to speak, but pauses mid-sentence. After taking a deep breath, he speaks again, his thick Italian accent unmistakable. “Aur-...Zarina, of course. Right?”

I say nothing, just nodding in response.

My heart beats faster as a shiver runs down my spine. I glance at the wall on my right, then to my left, unsure of what to do in this situation.

He takes a step closer, and my heart begins to race. The space between us feels like an unbridgeable chasm. I watch as he clears his throat, and I brace myself for what he might say next.

“I’m Xavier Perazzo,” he introduces himself, taking another step closer. “Don’t be afraid of me.”

His words fall on deaf ears as I feel the cold, hard wall pressing against my back. Panic sets in, and I feel as though I am suffocating. I want nothing more than to escape, to run as far away from him as possible.

But then he speaks again, his voice soft and reassuring. “You’re safe here,” he says.

I can hardly believe my ears. Safe? Here?

I stare at him, my eyes wide with disbelief. “Really? Am I?”

He lets out a sigh and walks towards the couch. “I’m being honest,” he says, turning around to face me. “I’m not asking for your trust. I know I haven’t done anything to earn it yet. But just this once, give me a chance.”

My mind was a whirlwind of questions, doubts, and fears. How could I trust him? What if he was just trying to lull me into a false sense of security? What if this was all part of some twisted game?

I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his mind. Was he enjoying my discomfort? Was he getting some sick pleasure out of seeing me so vulnerable?

As he moved towards the couch, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief that he was putting some distance between us. But as he turned back towards me, his blue eyes shining with an intensity that made me feel like he could see right through me, my heart began to race once again.

“Just take a chance on me. Please. I can guarantee it. I will not fail you,” he pleaded.

I knew I should be wary, but something in his voice made me want to trust him. Perhaps it was the sincerity with which he spoke, or maybe it was just the desperation in his eyes.

I stare at my hands, still gripping the drapes with a fierce intensity, as Xavier’s words echo in my mind.

Can I really trust him? The thought swirls around in my head, and I can’t shake it off.

I’ve learned the hard way that people are rarely kind for no reason, and I can’t help but wonder what Xavier wants from me.

Angela’s voice echoes in my head, warning me that the world is a selfish place and that I should never trust anyone. It’s up to me to take charge of my life and put faith in myself, not others.

But a small part of me longs to believe Xavier’s words, to take a chance on him and trust that he means what he says. It’s a dangerous gamble, but what choice do I have?

What if he’s not like the others?

But I can’t be sure. He could be acting nice to lure me into a false sense of security. It’s a common tactic among them, and I know better than to let my guard down.

On the other hand, what choice do I have? I can’t stay locked up in this room forever. If I want to find a way out, I’ll have to work with him. And maybe, just maybe, he can help me escape this nightmare.

But what if he’s lying? What if he’s working with the man who put me here in the first place? The thought sends shivers down my spine, but I push them aside. I have to be strong and make a decision.

Xavier does seem different from the others. He’s kind and sincere, and I want to believe that he can be trusted. Maybe he’s the key to my freedom.

But should I?

I close my eyes, trying to calm my racing thoughts. My mind is a tangled mess, and I need to pull myself together before I completely lose it.

“What do you want?” I finally ask, no longer willing to suppress my curiosity. There must be a catch. Nobody gives something for nothing in return.

A glimmer of joy sparkles in Xavier’s eyes as he responds, his smile genuine and unthreatening, unlike the man from this morning.

He looks around the small, crimson room and lets out an annoyed huff as though realizing he shouldn’t be having this conversation here.

“First things first,” he says, taking a step to the side and revealing the exit. “Let’s get you out of here, shall we?”

Damn, I thought he would never ask.

Finally!