Alienation

1.       Alienation

BELLE

I fell asleep on the bathroom floor that night. It was a bit demeaning to sleep on the cold, marble floor, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I didn’t want to face Grayson.  I groaned in pain when I awoke, then rolled over and sat up so that my aching back was against the cabinets. I sighed when I finally stood and saw what I looked like in the mirror. 

My hair was going in every direction, and tear stains streaked my face and neck.  I’d spent most of the night silently crying, not wanting Grayson to hear me but also not being able to stop myself from replaying what had happened between us. 

I didn’t know what I had done to deserve all of his harsh words. 

It took me awhile, but I finally worked up the courage to leave the bathroom. I felt terrible after last night. What hurt the most, though, was that I knew he was partially right. I was his mate. I was supposed to be okay with him touching me. 

Wasn’t I? Take the time you need… His earlier words repeated in my head… 

He had brought me to his home, and was providing for me and making sure that I never had to work another day in my life. The least I could do was make his nights a little interesting. 

And yet, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it—not after the way he’d treated me.  Something about how Grayson had behaved last night made me feel used and gross —not to mention terrified. 

I’d just wanted to talk, but he wouldn’t even talk to me. Was sex really the only thing he wanted me for? It made me wonder if our whole time in Paris had been just an act: he’d acted kind and sweet while we were there so he could get me back to his pack and have his way with me—show me his true colors. 

It was the only explanation that made sense. 

Had my mother been right? Did all alphas truly treat their mates like this? 

Or was he already done with me? 

The thought made my heart shatter into a million pieces. What if I’d just encouraged his newfound distaste for me by rejecting him? What if he really didn’t want me now?  My stomach dropped. I couldn’t lose Grayson. It hadn’t been long, but I already didn’t know what I would do without him. I wanted to put this all behind us. I wanted things to go back to the way they were before. 

Thankfully, when I exited the bathroom, he wasn’t there, and I was able to get dressed and go downstairs in peace. The first thing on my mind was finding some food after not eating anything all day yesterday. And maybe I would run into Grayson and be able to talk through everything that had happened. 

But unfortunately, the ground-floor kitchen was jam-packed with people, and none of them were Grayson. It was full of werewolves cooking, laughing, and eating. My stomach growled at all the different smells surrounding me. 

I desperately wanted something to eat. I looked at a bowl of apples sitting in the middle of the island. I sighed in relief. I could grab an apple without getting in anyone’s way.  I approached the island as quietly as possible, watching the large werewolves around me warily, painfully aware of the fact that they could all kill me without barely lifting a finger.  However, before I could reach out to grab an apple, a large, burly man I’d never seen before grabbed my arm and harshly pushed me back. I gasped as I lost my footing and fell onto my butt. The man didn’t say anything or offer to help me up. 

He just glared down at me and shook his head slowly while raising his eyebrows, as if daring me to try again. 

“I-I’m sorry,” I said, scrambling to get up before I made more of a scene. Everyone was already staring at me, looks of disgust painted on their faces. 

I dropped my head in shame. I wasn’t even sure where this shame was coming from. Some luna I am.  Wasn’t I supposed to be a leader of this pack? Hadn’t Elijah even said I was the most powerful member? He’d been so, so wrong.  

I was a joke. 

I walked out of the kitchen quickly, wondering what exactly I had done to deserve this. Why were they getting mad at me every time I tried to get some food? It made no sense.  I wandered around the pack house some more, just like I’d done yesterday, trying to find something to fill my time. My hunger eventually passed and was replaced by total and complete boredom. 

There’s nothing to do around here. 

Well, there were things to do, but every time I entered a room with anybody else in it, I’d get stares that made my blood run cold—from a bunch of scary werewolves, at that.  So I just walked. I walked around the entire pack house so many times that I lost count. I thought about going back to Grayson’s bedroom, but something always stopped me.  Maybe I didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened last night; my heart still ached from the things he’d said to me. Or maybe I was afraid that he would come back to the room and we’d have a repeat. 

I didn’t think I could handle that. 

After a few hours, including some minutes outside in the freezing cold to try to fill my time,

I came across Kyle, who was looking down at some papers in his hands and seemed to be in a hurry. I almost didn’t bother him, worried that he’d decided he hated me now too for some reason. But I knew that if anybody would be willing to talk to me, it would probably be Kyle. 

“Kyle,” I said, shuffling my feet. “Hey.” 

He looked up and immediately smiled when he saw me. “Luna!” 

I let out a breath of relief. It was good to see that at least one person was acting normal. 

“How have you been? How was your first day as luna?” he asked. 

“Oh, um…” I smiled nervously. I was afraid if I told the truth, I would completely break down. I needed to talk to Grayson before I told anyone what was going on. 

“Good. Really good.” 

“That’s great!” he said happily. “I knew you would love it here.” 

I nodded my head in agreement. “Yeah, it’s great,” I lied. “I actually wanted to ask you something if that’s okay. If you’re not busy, that is.” I gestured to the papers in his hands.  “It’s more than okay! I was just on my way back to something, but I’ve got some time. Ask away!” Kyle said. 

“Okay. Um, it’s actually about Grayson. I was wondering if he seemed a little off to you?” 

Kyle frowned. “Off?” 

I shifted. “Yeah, just not his usual self.” 

He thought about it for a second. “Well, I’ve been with him all morning, and he seemed completely normal to me. 

“He seemed happier than his usual self. It probably has something to do with you being here.” He elbowed me playfully and wiggled his eyebrows. 

I chuckled, but my heart dropped to my stomach. “Yeah, maybe.” 

I was starting to think that this was all in my head. Was I just being over-dramatic? 

“Are you going back to him right now?” I asked. 

Kyle nodded. “Yeah, we’re in the middle of a meeting in his office. I just had to go grab these.” He held up the papers. 

“Oh, okay,” I said quickly. “Then I won’t keep you any longer. Actually, could you tell him something for me?” 

“You can’t tell him yourself?” Kyle asked. 

I looked down at my hands and backed up. “I don’t want to bother him. You’re already going there anyway.” 

“I’m sure it wouldn’t be a bother, Luna,” Kyle said. “He would probably love to see you and find out how your day has been going. He—” 

“No, no, that’s okay,” I interrupted. The last time I was in Grayson’s office ran through my mind—when he’d asked me to stay away during the day. “Will you just tell him for me?”  Kyle hesitated for a moment, obviously picking up on my discomfort. He looked me up and down as if assessing whether I was all right.  He stood a little straighter. “Okay,” he finally said. 

I smiled slightly. “Thank you.” I paused for a moment, trying to think of the best way to phrase this. 

“Uh, will you just tell him that I’m sorry? Tell him I’m really sorry about last night, and I wish that I could take the entire night back. I just want things to go back to normal.”  His frown intensified. I could tell that he wanted me to explain, but thankfully he let it go. 

Kyle wasn’t one to ask questions. 

“And you’re sure that you don’t want to tell him this yourself?” he asked, head cocked. 

I nodded. “Yes, I think I would rather have it come from you if that’s okay.” 

He studied my face. “Okay. I will be sure to tell him.” 

“Thank you, Kyle. I don’t mean to make you the mediator. I really appreciate this.” 

Kyle nodded. “Of course. It’s no problem at all.” 

“Okay, I guess I’ll stop taking up your time and let you get back to your meeting.” I tried to give him a sincere smile. 

“Yeah, okay,” Kyle said. He looked like he didn’t want to go, but eventually he stepped away from me and began to walk in the direction of Grayson’s office. 

Before he got too far though, I heard him call, “Luna?”  I turned around and gave him a questioning look. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kyle asked. 

I sighed and tried to put a convincing smile on my face. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” 

Kyle nodded slowly, looking unconvinced. “Whatever is going on between you two will get better. I promise,” Kyle said. “You were made for each other, and nothing can change that.”  I hope so.  I nodded. “Thanks, Kyle,” I said. Then I turned and walked away.