4 - Blinded

"It's not," Diego replied, sending chills down my spine. "Can you not see?"

I shook my head and I heard him sigh. "I'd tell Dad but he and Mom don't like it when I see them fight. Weird though that they're fine with me hearing them."

"Do they fight often?" I asked, not because I was interested but I wanted to distract him from the noise.

"Not really," he said, mumbling incoherently before continuing. "Just about twice a week."

"Well, that's quite a lot. Reminds me of my parents. They used to fight all the time." I don't know if that sounded comforting. But my aim was to make him feel that it's not something he caused or could control.

"What did you do?" I can imagine his eyes widening in curiosity and I could see his stare fixated on my face. Too bad I couldn't see his. But I could smile. So I did. And I hoped he saw it as a hopeful one.

"I would read Rita stories until she fell asleep then..."

"Who's Rita?" he cut in and I pressed my lips together. With this level of hyper curiosity, he should be around the same age with her. I replied that she was my sister and listened attentively as he told me about his.

She got lost years before he was born. They had come camping here for a week and one day she wandered off and never returned. After searching for months, their mom became convinced that she was dead and proceeded to mourn her. Their dad, however, stubbornly insisted that she was still alive and continued to search for her. He built the cabin in hopes that she'd someday find her way back.

I felt sorry for them, hoping his Dad was right in his conviction. Then I thought about Rita. She too would be out there waiting for me to come home. I needed to go to her, to save her from the monster that had tried to take my life but I had lost my sight and couldn't even protect myself.

I couldn't help but imagine what Finn would do to her. I tried to think of when I had wronged him. Was it when I'd mistakenly deleted his project and he stayed up all night redoing it? Was it when I got mad at him and refused to take his calls while he almost died of a fever? Was it when he watched a man grope me at my job and begged me to leave it but I refused because it paid better than every other one? Or was it when he tried to have sex with me and I locked him out of my house in the rain? I messed up a lot of times. Was that why he began to hate me? Or did he even love me from the start? When exactly did the pretense start?

"Oh no, Rhea, don't cry!" Diego's voice cut through my thoughts and I wiped my tears, slightly embarrassed. I felt him move closer to me and before I could realize why, he hugged me, gently patting my back. "Everything is going to be normal again."

I hugged him back, ignoring the pain it caused my shoulders, imagining what normal had actually looked like for me. I pictured myself brushing Rita's hair while Finn hugged me from behind. I pictured him running around the house with the last slice of pizza while Rita chased him. I pictured him holding me in the shower while I cried after my suicide attempt failed. I pictured him giving a presentation on why moving in with him was a great decision.

Then I remembered how he had slammed my car into the wall with me in it. And how he had come to make sure I was dead. How he opened up the doors as if he wanted me to get out. How he had injected me with something before leaving. How his lips had moved as if he were saying "survive". How he had rubbed his hands against his face like he was wiping tears away. How his last words to me before the "accident" was that he loved me.

Maybe I was being delusional because I loved him and there was no good left in him. Or maybe there was more to the story and I had to go blind in order to see it. Either way, I was going to have to face him again. And I wasn't going to do it blinded.