Leaving The Lights On

"Liah please! I'm begging you to stay; just think about our daughter."

I begged Liah while holding a one-month-old baby sleeping lovingly in my arms.

"Please! whatever I've done wrong forgive me first, I'll change whatever my mistakes are. I can't do this alone Liah," I begged the woman who had her back turned to us.

I beg her with a mixture of pauses, fatigue, and concern, even knowing that it is impossible to stop her from her decision, there is a chance that at least a little pity for our daughter and will soften her heart and will choose to stay.

But, it's like I'm begging the clock not to strike five o'clock. Because I can't even see the slightest pity in her eyes.

She looked blankly into my eyes. I see that she has no longer has this full of love and importance to us.

"You can't?" She asked me without emotion.

"Did you even asked me if I can also do this, Noah? Did you asked me if I am ready? Just once . . . just once Noah! Did you asked?"

"No! Not even a single question. So don't you blubber about you can't do it alone cause I did!" Her words kept me silent.

All those words she have said, I don't have a single clue that that's what she felt all this time. I can't even argue cause I never knew.

All I did was be silent and hear her out while silently crying. All this years we've been together she never said a word, all along aI thought that it was all fine. But I think she felt this is too much for her now that we have our little angel.

And I never knew that my love amd my most value person felt this way. I hurt her without knowing and this is very heartbreaking. All along she felt choked by our situation and I didn't notice.

"You ruined my life, you cut my chances to get what I've dreamed. All this shit relationship suffocates me, from the start you're my mistake I don't want to remember,"

"I never have the freedom I once have when we started this relationship. I never loved you and I'll never be," She's not the Leah I knew and loved before.

She seems to be this silent, caring, and loving woman I knew. She loves the idea of having a small family with me. She support and cheered me up when I felt like surrendering.

Is this what they always says that you'll knew your partners trueself when you've been together for long? If it is? This is so freaking heartbreaking knowing that reality slapped you right into your face.

Having a family in an early age really is difficult.

"I'll admit, I once felt happy when we first met, yet! I couldn't felt it anymore with you. After I gave birth to that child I felt like I also lost myself after that," she said.

"The child has nothing to do with it. It just that, if I stay I might hurt her as well,"

It's painful my heart started to breack into pieces after hearing those words coming from the woman who's half of my life. Her hurtful words are the sweetest before, her angry eyes are the most loving before. Yet now all those sweetness turned to be bitter now.

My legs shaken after hearing those words and I feel down on my knees while carefully holding my baby. I also grab her bag preventing her to leave, I'm disparate now that I could saw how innocent my baby was.

She shouldn't experience a life without a mother on her side. I couldn't bare to see her growing up not knowing how important a mothers love.

At this point I raise my head and look at her eyes. Hoping she would felt pity on us. But, I didn't see her on the woman standing in front of me right now.

Anger, hatred, pain, and frustration are what I am seeing in her eyes, and not once did I notice that it would develop in her.

She harshly shoved my hand off of her bag and cling it on her shoulder. She also got her luggage and the things she owned. I couldn't believe that the woman that was my world and the reason for me to be complete is also the reason for our family to be broken apart.

The reason why I always come home was also the reason for me now not to come back home.

" How about our daughter?" Full of worries I utter a word. If she'll not going to forgive me at least she change her heart to our child.

We where both setting on the floor while she was standing in front of us. She lean on my face with no emotions and said, "You can take care of her, I couldn't bare taking that child. It will only remind me of you, look at her. She looks exactly like you,"

Hopeless and helpless, I was once again disappointed myself from believing she wpuld change her mind.

"You could take care of her. I know you could,"

Do I failed as a partner? Do I did something awful to experience this? Do Seahna have to endure this up until she grow up just because I have fallen for her mother?

I look at her eyes again and she started to grab her thibgs up and turn her back at us. I wanted to grab her once more but I couldn't reach her.

I was about to get up and chase her but Seahna cried like she understood what was happening.

She never look back as the door closed I once again dropped off my knees and silently sob. Even kissing our daughter goobye she never did. She never show any remorse to our daughter that I cannot accept, yet! I cannot get angry to my woman the mother of my precious child.

I'll never be angry to her, ever.

As the silence envelope us both and my cries echoed to our apartment my child cries as well. The night also get along with us when it pours rain.

As if the world also felt what we felt as we we're heartbroken after our queen had left. I hugged my child as she cries out loud, her chubby cheeks turns red as her eyes got wet.

"Shh! It's okay we'll be fine, Shhh my love!" I whispered and then she slowly calm down from crying.

As I watch her go to sleep once again I sob for a thought that a-month-old baby will never grow up in a complete happy family. The image of a perfect family started to vanished as I saw her walk away leaving us behind.

"I'm sorry my love, I'm sorry!" In the four corner of our apartment house my sob was the only thing who embrace me and my daughter in my arms. Sadness and my guilt is stabbing me while hugging my daughter.

Our apartment started to gets cold as if the world also felt sad with us. I will never forget this day and also I'll get better for my daughter.

Her mom has gone now and I will never let her felt like there's always empty in her life.