Losing the Lonely

      I never thought I would come back to Fort Lauderdale, Florida.  Even after all these years, my time here still feels like a dream.  This is the place where I met my first love.  Maybe that's why I feel like it was like dream.  Granted, I was in my early 20's and I couldn't wait to leave home.  Back then my thoughts were the furthest away from my family the better.  I'm not saying that my family was bad or mean to me, it's just that I grew up in a religious home.  I wanted to make my own choices.  I wanted to experience young love, but I never got to experience that because it was not appropriate to have a boyfriend when growing up in the Kahaku household.  I was just like any other girl my age. I liked boys, but nothing ever became of it.  I may have had puppy love in grade school, but we just held hands, and I NEVER told my parents.  In middle school I did have someone that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, however, I never kissed him.  I was the only one that did not kiss her boyfriend.  Well, not like how the other kids in my grade were kissing their special someone. Then one day I was told, by a classmate, that he wanted to break up with me. I didn't believe it until I saw him holding hands with another girl I thought was my friend.  Huh, that was a tough lesson.  Not that I was sad for losing my boyfriend, but because my friend didn't even tell me that she liked him.  Anyways getting back on topic, I've just been back to Fort Lauderdale for maybe less than 24 hours.  It's not like I have family here, but I do have some friends that I've kept in touch with throughout the years. "Oh, my goodness, I'm late.  I'm sorry.  I'll totally treat for dinner" I heard a voice break into my train of thought.  It was Eliza, who plop herself down at the table I was sitting at.  Eliza, a very outgoing woman, is married with a baby on the way.  Her skin is light and compliments her Spanish heritage.  Her chocolate brown-colored eyes are almond shaped.  When I look into her eyes, I always get a feeling that she is up to some type of mischief.  Her tight curls are pulled behind her head into a tight ponytail.  She is 5'5 with an average figure. When you look at her face, she has such a great complexion that makes me totally envious of her.  Tonight, she is wearing a simple ankle length dress that shows her big baby bump. We decided to meet at a local bar and grill to catch up.  "I wasn't really looking at the time, so I wouldn't know if you are late or if I just came early" I said with a greeting smile.

I met Eliza while we were working at a local restaurant. She was really nice and befriended me right away. Totally opposite of how I am. Though we have different personalities, we, for the most part, got along. "Did you order already" she asked me as I stood up to give her a hug. I shook my head side to side and replied, "I was reminiscing about living here and phased out a bit." From what I have been told ever since I was young, I had a chip on my shoulder, or I was called a bitch. I don't agree with that statement at all, the thing is, I am very socially awkward. To anyone who knows what socially awkward is, well that was and is me. Especially in a new environment. And meeting new people. For example, I was the one in the corner by myself when I would be invited to parties. Or when everyone was in a group talking, I would try to say something, but no one understood what I was saying or someone else already spoke over me. Which is why I wondered why I even tried to speak and join in a conversation. I don’t know why I even tried. Ok, I lied, I was trying to be sociable, though I always failed completely. A total failure in all social settings. So, I gave up trying to talk at social gatherings. Thus, the comment of me having a chip on my shoulder. Lucky for me there are some people, like Eliza, who still tried to become friends with me. When we started talking at work, she understood that certain settings makes me uncomfortable. That didn't stop her from inviting me though. I appreciated the invitation every time she asked, even though I turned her down every single time. And that is how our long-lasting friendship started. "So, Orion is going to join us, if you don't mind" she stated. I smiled at her with a little chuckle. "Since you already told him he could join us what more can I say" I replied back in a light manner. "But you know I never did well with your group of friends, so if it's just him, ok," I added half-heartedly. I didn't want to offend her. Her friends are her high school classmates, so I'm a bit envious that they kept in touch for so long. I tried to keep in touch with people, but it just wasn't meant to be for me. "He called me earlier just to say hey. I mentioned you were here. He then asked if I was meeting up with you. I said yes. He said he wanted to join. I told him OK. But we don't have to wait for him to order. So, let's order" she started off saying that straight forwardly but then her voice became singy songy the more she relayed her conversation with Orion. She was in a happy mood. It was also quite impressive how fast and in one breath she said all of that. "I really don't mind, but I am hungry" I said. As I looked at the menu, I thought why, I am just going to get the sampler. I'm not going to eat it all, but the sampler never lets me down. The waitress comes to our table, puts a glass of water in front of each of us, takes our order, then leaves. "It's great to see you. In person. F******k is great but not great at the same time" she says. "I know what you mean" I said. Our food didn't take long to get brought out because this place wasn't that busy right now, however, the dinner rush should be starting soon. "What brings you back here? Like for real" she asked, I sighed at first. My thoughts turned to my boys who were all grown and have their own lives. It's a bit depressing without them. And lonely. "It's been lonely since my babies are all grown up. They're enlisted in the military, and totally enjoy what they do" I said in a matter-of-fact way. I thought about that answer. I am going through a transition in my life that I don't know how to navigate. Plus, it's not like I ever married again. I don't know if I ever want to get remarried. Furthermore, I am 38 years old. It's not going to be easy to find a man that I would tolerate being around me. Or would tolerate me. Yep, I'm lost. With a big smile on her face, Eliza said, "well, you can start new here. It's so good to have you here, no matter how long you decide to stay. Coming back will be good for you. I promise." At that point the waitress brought over our food. It looks so good. It was filled with mozzarella sticks and marinara, fries, and chicken fingers. Eliza also ordered a sampler. Her plate was filled with cheesy potato skins, buffalo wings with ranch dipping sauce, and onion rings. I inhaled deeply taking in the aroma of the food, "looks and smells really good" I said dreamily. "It does" Eliza agreed. “I hope my eyes aren’t bigger than my stomach because that would not be good” I stated wistfully then added, “oh well, leftovers is ok.” Then we both dug in. The first bite we both took invoked an orgasmic satisfied sound and look on both our faces. The restaurant wasn’t totally empty, so we got a few questioning gazes. We didn’t care though, we just kept eating. “What do you plan on doing here for work,” she questioned. “I got hired at a hospital as a phlebotomist. So, for now that’ll do” I answered. When she looked at me with a blank stare, I said punctuating each word, “I am going to draw blood from people.” Her mouth made a “Oh” without any sound coming out. “So, you’re a vampire” she said. I smiled and nodded while I took another bite. After I swallowed, I added with a bigger smile on my face and said “basically, just without the death part.” That made us both laugh. “When do you start,” she asked. “In two days, so I’ll relax before I start because I don’t know when I’ll have some downtime after I start” I offered. “What do you mean” she asked. I replied, “Well, hospitals are open 24 hours 7 days a week. Basically, if someone calls in sick, someone else must cover their shift. Plus, I’m working the graveyard shift. So, I expect someone will be calling me to come in early, ask to stay late, or do a double shift which sucks. But the money is good, however, the drawback is it takes a toll on the body and mind.” Then to myself I thought, and since I got no one at home, it shouldn’t be a problem for me. Thinking that, I could only sigh on the inside.