Pregnant and disappointed

Morning came, Jamie was already gone. He left a note with a sapphire necklace with the words; No mistakes, be there on time. He didn't think to wake me up.

I did my usual routine while listening to music.

When I was through and wanted to take my bath, I thought of what he would say if I didn't show up or if his tuxes weren't ironed. That reminds me.

I went up to check if he took the tux… it wasn't there but the dressing room was a mess. Every drawer was yanked open as well as his ties were scattered all over. 

I guess he had a rough time making a choice on what to wear to work. Well he'll soon feel it in his bones. I began to clear the mess he made. I guess he didn't notice my clothes had reduced. 

​I had just finished showering and put on an oversized sweatshirt and was about to sit and read when the doorbell rang. 

​I opened the door to find the gardener and Elaine, our house help. My mood changed. Jamie had called them.

​"I dismissed you both for the week," I said, not sparing them my discontent. "I told you I wanted the house to myself."

​“Good day ma'am," Elaine said, her eyes darting to the floor,  avoiding mine.. "Mr. Jamie called us back. He said the hedges were an embarrassment and the house wasn't up to his standards. He—"

​"Of course he did," I snapped, rolling my eyes and cutting her off. He couldn't even let me have my way. He had to reclaim the space, to reassert his control through the people he paid.

​I couldn't stand to be inside with them. I walked past them and went into the garden. It was the only part of this marriage I had truly loved. The roses were in bloom and I couldn't help it as it was begging to be plucked but as I bent down to pluck them  I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. 

I screamed in pain, the next thing I knew, I was bleeding. Bleeding? I staggered and fell to the ground. I tried finding my footing but the strength had already disappeared from my legs.

​"Elaine!" I screamed out in pain.

​The house help rushed out, her face turning pale when she saw me. She pulled out her phone, her fingers were trembling.

​Is she calling Jamie? The thought alone made my pain more unbearable. A series of thoughts came flooding in. The day I lost my baby he had ignored me saying he was in a meeting.

​"Call an ambulance. Now!" I choked out.

​"I—I should call Mr. Jamie first, he said—"

​"Come help me up!" I fired as the pain flared up again. I knew Jamie wouldn't dare come back. He wouldn't care. To him, this would just be another inconvenience, another mess for someone else to clean up.

The gardener drove me and Elaine to the hospital. She had tried to call Jamie four times. But each of the calls went straight to voicemail. I watched the phone screen in her hand. I knew he wouldn't answer. I was lost in thought, thinking of what I had done to Jamie to deserve this. I didn't know we had arrived. 

As we entered the hospital on a gurney, the white lights of the ER almost blinded me. Nurses swarmed around me, their voices were scattered but I only focused on the one voice that was concerned about me. 

​“She needs to be sedated. Her heart rate is too high,” the voice shouted.

​“What is wrong with me? What is going on?” I asked, my voice cracking. I felt the cold sting of an IV being inserted into my arm.

​“You're both going to be fine, we just need your cooperation,” the nurse said, her voice softening as she injected a sedative into the line.

Both?

The word hit me harder than the pain. “What are you talking about? Who is both?”

​“You're pregnant, honey. Didn't you know?” The nurse looked at Elaine, then back at me with a mix of confusion and pity.

I was already zoning out but I didn't want to…Pregnant? It was impossible. Since the miscarriage, we had been like strangers. Except for that one night... two months ago. The night Jamie had come home drunk, taking what he wanted without a word the next morning.

​"I... I need to..."

​The darkness claimed me before I could finish the thought.

*

​I woke up to the sound of the heart monitor. I looked around, hoping and praying to see Jamie but he wasn't there.

​Elaine was there, huddled in the corner, her eyes red from crying. But the room was a regular ward. Not a private suite.

​Jamie hadn't called back. He hadn't upgraded the room. He hadn't cared to check up on me.

​“How's the baby?” I asked. The sound of my voice was like it was coming from a long way off, it was gusty. My head was throbbing badly behind my eyes.

​“The baby's fine, ma'am. Stable,” Elaine replied, stepping closer.

​“My husband?”

​She shook her head, unable to look me in the eye.

His absence twisted my heart as a tear tried to escape. I touched my stomach with my trembling fingers. There was life growing inside me. A life tied to a man who couldn't be bothered to check if I was breathing. A life that made leaving him ten times more complicated.

​How could I bring a child into a house that had no warmth? How could I raise a baby with a man who treated me like shit?

​I saw a nurse passing by the open door and signaled her to come.

​“When can I get discharged?” I asked. I didn't care about the pain or why I was bleeding. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I needed to get out of this bed. I needed to leave even before the anniversary. 

​I had a few hours until our anniversary. I had a baby in my womb and someone who doesn't care about me. If I didn't leave now, I knew Jamie would never let me go—not because he loved me. He might try to tell me to abort it. I had to get away before he found out.