I sink lower into the warm bath. Letting the water and the music try to do their job to relax me. Work sucked today. Nothing crazy, I have just had enough for the day. The heat of the water turns my pale skin pink. My toes peek out over the bubbles and I inspect them for any chips in the dark polish. I am terrible about keeping up with them. Hell, half the time they are covered up so does it even matter.
If I am being real with myself, I don’t have much care to give anything anymore really. When Ryan died the only emotion left inside of me was grief. Man, I did not know that that level of grief was even possible. I couldn’t eat and barley slept in the beginning. The first week the grief stole 15 lbs from me. My parents were worried sick. They were always hovering and checking on me. It meant a lot considering I could not seem to make any decisions about anything. We were never super close, but they stepped up and we grew closer. Dad was extra protective of me during that time.
Things are better now. I can smile and laugh. Anger seems to be the last emotion back to the party. Nothing seems worth getting angry over. I can feel a tear slipping down my cheek and I sink down until my head is underwater. Just for a minute. I give myself a minute in my grief. I can’t live in it, but I can’t hide from it either. Coming up out of the water I hear my phone ting with the sound of a text coming through. I can ignore it, it’s probably not important. Not even going to look. I close my eyes again and wish the world away. Then another ting. Dang it, can I just enjoy my bath?!
Grabbing my towel to dry my hands first, I scoop up the phone and send out a little prayer to not drop the damn thing in the tub. Z’s name appears on my screen.
“hey Love whats up”
“Coming over, you home”
“….I am home, in the tub….how long before you get here”
“Pictures or it didn’t happen…😉”
Wait, what?! That was flirty, Z doesn’t do flirty. How do I respond to this? How do I want to respond to this? Think Ashton don’t make it awkward! I snap a picture of my legs that are now rest on the side of the tub and hit send. Shit, shit, shit, How is he going to respond. That picture seemed safe enough. Just as my picture shows sent I get the next text.
“Just kidding love…it’s an internet joke.”
Well shit, now it’s too late. Another ting and my heart is about to beat out of my chest.
“DAMN ASHTON….FUCK!”
Then the doorbell rings. I stand up and step out trying not to bust my ass while grabbing my towel. I barley run it over my body before I grab my robe and throw it on and belt it as I rush to the door. I swing the door open. Zain is standing at the door with a strange look in his dark eyes. I step back to let him in. He steps in and closes the door behind him without ever taking his eyes off mine. Once the door is shut, he leans down slowly, giving me time to stop whatever is about to happen. I freeze and he softly touches his lips to mine. Then I kiss him back. It is a sweet kiss. A kiss to test the waters. He pulls his head back and barely whispers.
“You have the softest lips.”
"Did I tell you how great you look tonight?" Zain rumbles in my ear.My back is pressed up against him as we dance to one of the few slow songs playing."No, Sir.""What was that?""I said no Sir.""Hmm, how do you feel about that?""I like it.""Good.""How did you feel about it.""I find that I don't mind it." Zain answers and leans down and softly kisses my neck."Let's get out of here. I have a few things in mind for when we get back to your place if that is okay.""Sounds good to me." I saw with a small smile playing on my lips."You okay to drive, I have had a few more than you tonight.""I can drive, I only had the one. I don't know how we drank so much of that shit when we were younger.""Because we drank what we could get our hands on.""That is true."We head out to the parking lot and Zain unlocks the drivers door for me. I am climbing in when his hand reaches a
It's 9:00pm and I hear Zain pull up in the driveway. I shoot him a text."Come in, I'm almost ready. Make us a drink before we go.""Cool."I hear the front door open and close again and Z's booted steps in the kitchen.I finish flat ironing my dark hair trying to tame it best I can. I begin putting on makeup when Zain steps in with two glasses."I made you rum punch." He says as he hands me my glass."Perfect. So, where are we going?""To a bar in town."I roll my eyes and go back to my mirror.
"Ashton. Love we are home. "I opened my eyes to see we were parked in my driveway."I'm sorry I fell asleep on you.""It's fine. Are you still tired?""No, just car rides make me sleep. You coming in? I could make us something to eat.""That sounds good. I can help."A small smile tugs at my lips. It's sweet of him, but I know he has no idea what he is doing in the kitchen unless it involves a microwave or noodles."Okay."We climb out of his truck and head in."Hey Z, thank you for this morning. It has been a lo
I laid in bed wrapped in Zain’s arms trying my hardest not to think. The sun has yet to make his full appearance , My brain has other plans apparentlyand I wanted to go back to sleep. Apparently, my brain has other plans . This was okay.. I did not do anything wrong. Ryan wanted nothing but the best for me, always. I know he would want me to do more than survive. I just can’t help this guilt that lays so heavy on my heart. “Stop.” Zain’s voice rumbles. “What?”
I suddenly feel very nervous looking up to meet his whiskey eyes. My crystal blue ones must show everything I am feeling. I have never been very good at controlling my face.“Don’t be nervous, Love. I’ve got you. This only goes as far as you want it to. Tonight is not the night to try new things. I want you Ash. Do you want this too?”I nod my head in response unable to bring the words to my tongue.“Use your words, Ashton. I need to hear you say it.”“Yes.” I whisper to him.I duck my head trying to hide my blush and all of the emotions that must be running right across my face. Why does he have this affect on me? This is my friend. There is not much I have not shared with him. It isn’t like this simple act would mean that we were more than friends. He has not indicated in anyway that he wanted more. In fact, he was clear that this was to help me. It has been a long time since anyone other than
He settles his arms around my waist and wrap mine around his neck as we begin to sway to the music. We have never danced like this before. It was strange to be wrapped in someone else’s arms. Instead of overthinking it, as I tend to do, I decided to just enjoy the moment.“Can I kiss you?”My stomach did a flip at his question. It’s not like he hasn’t before, but him asking me made things different. I suddenly feel like a nervous schoolgirl.“Yes.” I whisper into his chest.His hand reaches up and he tilts my chin up with two fingers. Our eyes meet for a brief moment before he bends down and places his lips on mine. It is a gentle meeting of the lips that lasts only a few seconds.“Your lips are so soft.” He whispers with his face inches from mine.“You already said that.” Remembering those exact words the first time he kissed me.“Well, they are.”