Chapter Twenty - Get Back Together With Her

At the funeral... I felt like a zombie. I felt out of place and emotionless or even lost. My mother cried, my little sister was a zombie like me.

She only cried once when she saw me and since then she's been cooped up next to me. I was there mentally... but not with my heart. It didn't exist at that moment.. it was ice cold...

My dreams were literally getting worse. I was just happy I didn't wake my sister while sleeping.

You know I watched during the funeral as the pastor spoke, praising him and telling us how much of a good husband he was and what a great father and family man he was. It made me sick to my stomach... His family sitting there crying yet they knew the shit he put me through...

But I tried to calm me down, they didn't experience what I did. Therefore they didn't know how I felt. So I just kept quiet and held on to my sister.

I thought by now, a week later since he died I'd be okay... that I'd be feeling better and getting my old self back. I hardly talked to Vee, s