Side Effects

*JAMIRA*

“Promise you’ll make uncle come back to get me,” Kayla said as she hugged me.

I knelt down as far as I could go.

“I pinky promise.”

We interlocked our pinkies and kissed our thumbs before she turned around to leave.

I went back to the stove to clean up the mess we’d made while baking cookies.

Ayana took a cookie and began eating it.

She watched me for about half a second before she came with her own observations.

“Okay so…girl what the fuck?”

“Ayana, please.”

“No, girl that man is on something. Our white knight on a horse is dealing with some real shit.”

“I heard,” I said as I walked the dishes over to the sink.

“I think you need to go in there and investigate.”

I looked up from the sink to see Eric walk into his room and softly shut the door.

He looked deep in thought as he always did these days.

“Or I could just respect the man’s privacy.”

“Mira, look at me.”

I shook my head.

Not because I didn’t want to look at her.

Because I knew all too well that look meant more than what she had to say.

She put her hands on my shoulders and turned me around to face her instead.

“Ayana, no.”

“Mira, I’m not coming to you as the messy bitch we all know and love. I’m coming to you as your sister and you need to figure out what the fuck that man got goin on. If not for you, do it for my nephew.”

My heart climbed to my throat.

Once again, Ayana had become my voice of reason. I hated when she did that because she left no room for misunderstandings or even a slight shift in ethics. It always just made too much sense.

I couldn’t argue with her because she was right. She always was when it mattered.

“Ayana, I’m not really trying to—“

She cut her eyes at me.

“Did you not hear him ask if Kacie was using again? Whatever the fuck is goin on with those two could run in the family. You deserve to know.”

My body tensed as I gripped the edge of the counter.

“You’re right.”

“I’m always right. Damn, I knew the bitch was dark, but not dateline dark. You can’t make this shit up,” she said as she reached for another cookie.

I took a few steps forward before she stopped me in my tracks.

“One last thing, and this is very important.”

“Okay.”

“Leave that door open. I need to hear EVERYTHING.”

I clicked my tongue and went over to the bedroom door.

For a few seconds I stood there trying to prepare myself for what might be on the other end. Even though I had a right to know, I still wasn’t sure I wanted to.

What if the truth itself was far worse than the little context we had to go off of?

I took a quick breath and slowly opened the door.

There were clothes scattered across the bed and the floor. The sheets were disheveled and I could hear the slamming of drawers from the closet.

“SHIT!”

I closed the door gently before going to the closet.

I stood at the door holding my belly.

“Eric.”

He didn’t look up.

He didn’t respond.

He just kept frantically looking through drawers, boxes, and jackets still on the hangers.

“Eric,” I said, this time louder.

He lifted his head up briefly and looked down just as fast.

“Oh good, baby, can you hand me that shoebox over there?” he said, pointing beside me.

“Eric.”

“Jamira.”

“Eric, please.”

He shook his head, still determined to continue dismantling the closet.

“ERIC!”

This time I yelled. He stopped.

We looked at each other for the first time since Kacie had shown up.

His eyes were bloodshot with tears in them.

For the first time since I’d met him, I saw him completely vulnerable and raw.

He was always so put together and composed.

The man before me was cracking and my heart broke for him.

I took a step inside the closet.

At the same time he backed up against the clothes still hanging up.

I held my arms out and reached for his hands.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he lowered himself onto the floor.

He sat with his knees bent and his elbows resting on them.

I knelt in between his legs and lifted his chin.

As much as I wanted to fuss, I couldn’t bring myself to do that.

Instead I found myself just wanting to understand.

I stared deeply into eyes that resembled morning mist.

Damn this man was handsome.

“What was in the bottle?”

My voice came out softer than I’d expected.

At first he shook his head.

Then I asked again.

“Pills.”

“What kind, Eric?”

“Mood stabilizers.”

There was an ache in my heart. I continued.

“Why?”

“It’s no big deal.”

“Oh yeah? Then why didn’t I know?”

His eyes roamed the closet as if looking for something safe to land on.

“You knew I was in therapy.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know you were taking medication and I damn sure didn’t know what for.”

He took a deep breath.

“You’re right.”

“Now tell me.”

“It…it’s just I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you thinking I was some nut job on the loose looking for his next victim.”

That was extreme.

“Eric…you are a nut job though. But you’re MY nut job.”

His eyes softened as he let out a light chuckle.

I leaned in and kissed him, softly pressing against his lips.

His body surrendered as he kissed me back with urgency down my neck.

“Eric, slow down.”

He pulled back. Only slightly.

“What does it look like when you’re not medicated?”

“I don’t know. It varies. I could be really irritable, hostile, or shut down completely.”

“So…now that your pills are gone, how do you manage it?”

He bit his lip.

He thought for a few seconds like he was debating if he should tell me.

“Sex.”

I studied his face for a while, searching to see if this was some joke he came up with.

It wasn’t.

“Oh…you’re serious.”

“Yeah.”

He leaned forward, causing me to fall back.

My phone fell out of my pocket.

He hovered over me, his body pressed lightly against mine.

“You don’t think I’m crazy, do you?”

I smirked.

“Oh, you’re crazy alright, practically insane.”

He kissed my neck again when my phone buzzed.

He turned his head and froze.

I followed his gaze to see my phone in his hand.

He looked back at me.

His eyes now hardened.

My body stiffened.

“You still talking to Chris?”