I don't think I'm okay

JUDI’S POV

After Emily's visit, there was something that made me feel so much better, maybe it was because she had forgiven me or because despite everything, she still cared deeply.

The hospital didn’t feel like a cage anymore, I was slowly learning to live here.

At first, I hated everything, I didn't want to tell Emily that. I couldn't, I hated the smell of disinfectant, the constant beeping of machines, the white walls that looked too clean, too fake. I hated the way people looked at me too, like I was fragile glass that would break if they spoke too loud.

But I guess healing isn’t supposed to be pretty.

Every morning, I woke up before dawn. The nurses would make their rounds, and then the therapist would come in. At first, I barely spoke to her. I lied to Emily when I said it was going okay.

The therapist would ask questions, and I’d shrug or give one-word answers. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk, I just didn’t know how to explain the mess in my head.

Guilt, shame, fear, reg