I was washing a load dishes after Lady Tracy's friends had taken their leave. They held a book club every month and took turns hosting at each others houses. This month was Lady Tracy's turn.
"Your room wreaks of a male whiff." She said out of the blue. When had she even gone down there? I couldn't open the windows so I knew she was right. Anyone who knew the smell that was produced when male and female genitalia entertwined knew well enough that it didn't go away in just a few seconds. I had learnt that the hard way over these past couple of months. It required a lot of baths.
"Are you bringing men into my home?" Lady Tracy scowled. She looked very angry. I had no way of answering this, I could not tell her that her husband came in every night or sometimes twice per week, it all depended on his schedule or if Lady Tracy was asleep or out.
"No, Ma'am."
My answered seemed to aggravate her. She immediately slapped me, it stung because she wore her wedding ring and it would surely leave a mark but the advantage of being dark skinned was that it would fade within the next minute.
"Are you calling me a liar then?"
I kept quiet.She didn't hesitate hitting me again. Lady Tracy took the dish towel near the sink and continuously hit me. It was painful because it was wet. It hurt because she put so much effort on my face. To get through it, I bit on my lip. It became swollen. I don't think it was a mistake when she aimed my for eye, twice.
"I will not stop until you tell your truth?!"
My cheeks had swollen up, my eye looked battered up. It was red and slowing closing. If I didn't admit to it then she wouldn't stop—
"I am, yes, I am!" I yelled.
"Who is he?"
"Elliot owned by the Cunningham family. He wishes to marry me." I said the last part because I already felt like a harlot and I did not want to be seen that way or to feel that way. It was a disgrace.
"You should invite him over for supper on Sunday then?"
My heart immediately started to thud faster.
"He might be working, Lady Tracy!"
"Well tell him to ask for a day off. It must be hard not seeing your fiancée for a while. No wonder you get at it whenever you do meet." She smirked.
I faked a smile."Well, I hope you don't plan on leaving us after you marry"
"Actually Lady Tracy, I have been meaning to speak to you about something."
"Tell me already!"
"I really appreciate all that you have done for me. Your kindness, you clothe me, giving me a roof to stay under and I never sleep hungry."
Lady Tracy smiled.
She loved compliments.I had to keep them coming."I have learnt so much from you. I love seeing your latest fashion. You inspire me to want to be beautiful. You're such an inspiration.." Honestly I could care less. She only ever bought me oversized dresses. I didn't mind, I loved covering up. It's the thought that counts and I know other slaves must have had it worse.
"Arghh you flatter me too much Nashe!"
"I'm just being honesty, Lady Tracy.."
"Then what's the problem?" She questioned.
"I miss my family, I would like to work in the field, I'd like to go back."
"But you visit them every Sunday after church..."
"Yes... but..."
"I will be sure to speak to William about this."
"Thank—"
"Speak to me about what?"
"Nashe would like to go back to her family and work in the fields."
I looked down immediately not because my face was swollen and I probably looked much scarier but because after what happened last night. I couldn't look him in the eye.—I was reading the Bible. I always did before I slept. I liked reading, anything. Ever since Master William had kissed me, I hoped he would not come back again but just to be on a safer side, I had trimmed my pubic hair. I hated doing it with a razor.. it didn't make it feel any better but I had mastered a way of doing it. I hoped he was nauseated. I checked the clock, it was nearing ten pm. Master William abruptly entered my room. His eyes scanned me from head to toe."Evening, Master William." I whispered anxiously. I immediately faced the other side and started unbuttoning my dress letting it drag down to my knees. Master william would always snap at me that I took too much time, which wasted his time.
"I want to take it off you" He said stepping closer.
He did.
His fingers traced the stretch marks on my breasts and my hips. It gave me a tingling feeling. I didn't like this, couldn't we just go back to doing it the way we used to. I was on the verge of losing my mind. I laid back on my small bed and waited for him. I looked aside since I wasn't allowed to watch him undress.
He hovered over my body, in between my thighs. His chest was broad and chiseled but I didn't allow myself to look any further. I busied myself by looking at the brick wall beside me.
"I want you to touch me." He demanded, bringing my chin to face him. He was so close, and it made me nervous.
"Master—"
This seemed to aggravate him.
He took my small hand and made me reach for his girth. I became beyond petrified. I could feel the veins and how rigid it was. There was a myth that white men were quite small, if this was small then how big were black men.. this wasn't small at all, my hand couldn't even go around it."That's how much I have been wanting you throughout the day!" He said in a constrained voice.
I didn't say anything.I didn't wasnt to seem rude but-"Master William, I'm supposed to go to the market early in the morning and I would appreciate if we.."
His eyes only stared down at mine then lowered to my lips.Oh no please!
He placed a wet somber kiss on my lips and whispered. "... I love it when you play innocent"
I remained silent.
He kissed me again, this time biting on my lower lip. He tasted like mint. I didn't kiss him back, I didn't know how to.. I didn't want to disappoint him either. After a while though, I eventually started moving my lips with his. His fingers started rubbing in between my flower and I was terrified stiff at the feeling. My nipples hardened against his chest as he slipped his middle finger inside me, causing my thighs to slightly shake.
It was a foreign feeling especially with his lips on my mine. He moved to nibbling at my nipples. I let out a sound, I couldn't have been more embarrassed. What was wrong with me! He rubbed his member on my clit until it soaked and pushed into my opening. I let out another sound. I was embarrassed, he only smirked.
"Nothing can be heard from the basement.. you can moan as you please." He added. "Wrap your arms around my neck."
I did as I was told.
He laid his lips back onto mine again and committed damnation on my body. Feeling him going in and out only to slam back into me felt like torture. He filled me up to the point that I felt I couldn't take anymore. If I did.. he would rip me apart. It worried me, if he left me damaged, I would really have nothing to offer. He was on a mission to ruin me.
He put his hands under my butt squeezing it lightly so he could hit harder. I whimpered, I was close to crying, I had never felt this way before. His tongue swirled in my mouth, his teeth biting lips. I shuddered—
My thighs shook as I felt the most relaxing yet satisfying feeling. I didn't know that could happen. I assumed sex was only to bare fruit of the womb and satisfaction for the male. I never thought I could feel this way!
I opened my eyes only to find him watching me. I immediately removed my arms and looked away. Guilt was all I felt, I was sleeping with a married man and I didn't feel the least guilty about it. He pulled out and released his load on my stomach."I will go pee then we can do it again."
I didn't understand why he was talking to me... he must have noticed my confusion as he further explained that he needed to pee so that he could remove any remaining sperm from his last ejaculation, that way he could come and give it to me again.For the first time I was excited.
I didn't talk much or add anything to the conversation. I didn't want to say anything wrong.He came back and we did it again.
I didn't know what time he left because I woke up disoriented and sore.—
"What happened to your face?" He questioned. Lady Tracy gave me a threatening look."I think I'm having an allergic reaction to something I may have eaten."
He didn't seem convinced.
"You ought to appreciate us taking you in and here you're wishing to return to the plantations... Are you mental?""I also found out she has been sneaking a man in her room." Lady Tracy added. "She admitted that it was her fiancé who came to visit her."
Master William cleared his throat."She doesn't have a fiancé!"
"William, she does and they plan to marry soon." They chattered amongst themselves as if I wasn't there.
"Pathetic.. who would want to marry her of all people!" I was expecting it.
"William.." Lady Tracy bellowed."You know that I had specifically asked for her to work for us because I was well aware that she is the most hideous and you agreed, saying she must not have had many proposals so she would work for us for years."
It hurt but I was used to it.
"I only agreed because I knew there was no way in hell she would seduce you looking like burned charcoal but someone wants to marry her and we can't take that away from her." Lady Tracy replied.
At this point, I knew I had to leave.
Not just leave the kitchen but leave. I needed to accept Elliot's proposal, I never wanted to see Master William again.Dear Hector.I could have sworn yesterday, just yesterday... we were together as he helped me write to you. The thought of it all fills my eyes with tears. Thank you for the letter you sent forth of your condolences, I must apologize that I did not reply almost immediately. I thank you for all your well wishes, I know if you could... you would have been here. My apologies yet again for replying only a year and a half later. I needed time, to re-evaluate everything, my life without him; well what's left of it. I needed to calm myself as I could not believe he was really gone. The last thirty-three years have been an unforgettable journey. I've had to restart this letter many times. Each time, I write and start to reminisce tears soak in the poor sheet. My heart feels heavy with hurt, I feel alone even when surrounded by all these wonderful people who care for me. I miss him every single day, his cologne, his smile, his—everything.I can not explain my sorrow and need to be with him. M
Good morrow.First off, do you understand the awkward position you're putting me in? William is writing on my behalf. I speak, he writes. I will learn soon enough, I will get better at writing but I can not bare having a horridly amateur written letter travel all the way to France to my dearest friend. You deserve the best there is and that is my husband's rather stunning handwriting.(Ps. It's William, how are you Hector? She doesn't know I wrote this part.)William and I are expecting, that is how I bribed him into hand writing my letter for me while I sat back and simply talked. The baby could be here anytime now, perhaps a day? A week? Who knows it's nine months already... with Christian you remember how he came early. I still can not fathom that I will go through with this again? I cried like a little child during Christian's birth. I'm only hopeful that this one goes just as smoothly. Besides, the perks of having a lifelong partner who happens to be a doctor could make it somewh
Bonjour madameI'm well aware that you were not expecting this but here, I am to inform you that I'm alive living in Lyon and still as faggot as could be. (dear lord Jesus I pray this does not fall in the wrong hands). If it does, I repeat... I Hector, I'm alive, well; learnt a bit of French and as homophile as could be. You, my dear friend probably assumed I'd be quick to forget you? I'd never, we've been through so much together. The past eight years of sorrows although I must admit when we first spoke, I should not have told you to hang yourself. In my defense... I was jealous because I was not the one William Gallagher was swooning over. My, asking you to hang yourself... that was very malicious. Especially in your state of pregnancy with my godson. I truly regret and take back my words when I stumble upon that memory in my thoughts.How I miss, England... France is stupendous, the French language is just comely very difficult but how I miss being around people who actually unders
"...uh William?""Yes darlin, I'm here." He said snuggling closer and enveloping her with his large arms. She fit perfectly."Where's my mother?" She asked.This caught William off guard, he had not expected her to ask of her as soon as she woke up. He did not want her to stress over pointless issues such as Doris but being fair, Doris was her mother and she had every right to know.He knew Panashe always always took her mother back no matter what, he was very much fearful of her asking for her mother. With her expecting there was no telling whether she would be happy or fuming."I—""You did what?""I've made a decision and from here on she will reside at a different plantation..""The Cunningham ranch?" She asked, that was the only ranch that was closer to theirs. William took his time replying... "She is better off far from here.""Where?""In another city far away from us? See what she did that was unforgivable! She wanted to take her life on my mother's porch, Doris is mental and
"If you dare take a step in my father's home, Doris!""I'm coming inside be it you like it or not. That is my daughter and and—" Doris stuttered, grieving fear that her daughter could die settled in. Her face went stale with fear... desperate to see to her daughter's needs. "I love her so much, I miss her dearly. You can not possibly be as vile as to leave me here. I gave birth to her, she is my little girl and I can't bare you manipulating her into being a white mans whore."With that, William had bottled up enough. His hand had been itching to do the unthinkable. He was worried for Panashe and here again he has to continue dealing with Doris. He wondered just how long he would have to deal with her.Everything had been going well until she came with her tantrums. Panashe was doing well until her mother came like the devil she is waiting to take away her happiness."Master William, she is heating up..." One of the maids who had been at Panashe's care told him.His heart dropped, he w
As they sat on the balcony enjoying the sun that rarely ever came out in England.Panashe had made lunch, it gave her an opportunity to treat the kitchen stuff with some human decency such as giving them a break or some days off.They saw Ralph Gallagher arriving from his date, the sixteen year old seemed aflamed, a visible grin on his face. Panashe could only hope that all had went well with Sandy.Liam had wanted to prove to his half brothers that negroes were normal people just like them, in doing so... he invited Ralph and Chester to meet Panashe.It had taken weeks to get acquainted and used to each other but with Panashe being very likable and accommodating... it was easy for Ralph and Chester to see why Liam loved her and could not blabbering about his childhood memories."Teenagers are gross!" Chester said to Liam who agreed with a chuckle and a look of disgust. Christian and Addie only seemed confused as they ate their food."He will probably talk about Sandy Hemings for an h